Aliveness of nature

Apr 13
Woke up before alarm and slept back. But when alarm rang later, I feel tired and switched it off. Hopefully I learn to wake up when body tells rather than to wait.

Did one cycle of Surya Kriya, feels good. Breathing meditation was not great. Then followed by Shakti and Shambavi. Towards the end, I was singing. Of late, that's my experiences.
There were no tots of P, some tots of tomorrow program. some pleasurable tots of Z.

But this time I find that I have the option to ignore it and just focus back on my practices instead of pursuing the clouds of tots. The clouds is just there, coming and going. It's us that's tot the cloud is us and starts to get on the cloud and make it our sky. We are truly not our mind

Went for a short swim, had some panic attacks but I persevere. Towards the end the breathing was so smooth that I got frightened and stopped it.

As I was driving back, I saw the loveliness of the trees and bushes on the roads. They are so contented, so there. Suddenly I cried as I was feeling overwhelmed by their aliveness.
I wished everyone could experienced it, the aliveness of nature.

On P, I understood L comments "seriously weaken" when I said P returned all the things. We have all give in to her instructions cos she hold everything. Because, we are reluctant to hold things, we leave it. But since she give away everything, she loss her 'power' and we don't have to listen to her. So sad, we make her to be a leader out of our inertia. And despite not wanting to follow her, we let be, out of fear of not wanting to take over.

Anyway, the ball on my court. I cannot expect immediate support but once I m in and do my part, the support will come. Father. Thank you.