I am definitely transforming

Apr 25
Father, woke up at 4.30 am to alarm. It was raining very heavily and a tot came, go to sleep. I tot about it and decided not to follow. Took a shower and start my practices. I m getting more nimble in my hata yoga asana.
Shakti was good as I m getting into the postures. I can now feel the different pressure from each fingers holds. Shambavi was great too. My lower body can't stop shaking, it so loose; as if want to fly. I was dancing and singing. Thanks for this.

Yesterday read Be the Change. The first chapter was good but the rest was bit too light for me. I even checked out all the methods. I think Isha method still the most effective and gives consistent results.

My right elbow is stiff again. How have I blocked my energy? Well, I have dreamed of eating chicken and definitely tots of Z. Yesterday when S said she is over her 'friend' after her love confession, I tot I not over Z yet. I m not anxious about him but I do miss his presence. I still love him. He is not truly rich, smart, spiritual and loving. Infact I am. That's ironic. I am the one that I want.
An ease settled into me.

Finally had time to check out my this week Osho card

1. The issue
Creator
A mystic works on himself, his own being, creates himself. U r carrying a masterpiece but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed.  U just have to come to it.

This card belongs to those who are so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is outside. He offers the gift of understanding and integration to those who comes to him. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own experience, it is time to express yourself.

Soul
This week I counsel Y and S. I took the lead in Isha.

2. Internal influence
Healing
Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his wound. The less of the head, the more the wound heals.
A man of Tao cannot be touched. There is no wound. He is healthy and whole. 
Just for twenty four hours, total  acceptance, whatsoever happens. Suddenly u will feel an energy flowing in u that u never felt before.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed.

Soul
Exactly. So accurate. Both teacher and N's opinion on the advert didn't touch me at all. I can see their view point and I can see their behaviour protecting their egos.
I didn't change my opinion but since I don't have the authority I accepted the teacher decision.  I didn't take it personally at all. Amen.

And when I didn't get a seat in the council, I was bit surprised but not hurt.
Father, thank U.
(Apr 26 - I was informed I got a seat the following day. It doesn't matter to me either)

3. External influence
Compromise
It is one thing to meet another half way, to understand a point of view different from ours. It is quite another to cave in and betray our truth.

Soul
There were moments I wanted to drop leadership cos I didn't get feedback. I persevere. I wrote to teacher on my idea eventhough there was no feedback.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Breakthrough
The greatest adventure in life is to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest adventure because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough". At such times, it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be mistakes, to throw off the burdens and restrictions.

Soul
Yea. I did. I volunteered to be the India visit coordinator.

Teacher reply mail but made a comment that we should talk more again. The old me would have react. The new me just waived it off and even said I may have miss the mail.

5. Resolution
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake.
Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.

Soul
Amen.