Still no red meat

Apr 4 eve
Now stuck in the traffic jam. Feeling bit restless. Had some tots of Z but I waived it.

Based on the talk. I can see I have sattva and tamas. I m mostly tamas when it comes to my body n food. I don't have much rajas.
The talk also said that if ur previous life ends with sattva inclination then this current life will be conducive for u to proceed on sattva mode. I tot of myself. I have gained financial independence. I m good that I can have 3 days job and I m not married and my family doesn't need my care. I have all the money and time to pursue my contemplation of life.

Then a tot came, if this lifetime is meant for sattva, then Z is not the right partner for me. He is mainly on rajas mode and tamas mode. When we r both together, we are on tamas mode. I try to get him on sattva, but to no avail. He also try to influence me on rajas on expanding financial commitment but to no avail. When I m on my own, I m mostly on sattva mode.

When the talk was going on, I felt like I want to jog. I want to see how runners felt. When I was a child, I was careful not to get hurt, not to take risk, not to do things I won't excel. Since I don't excel physically, I became in-physical, if there is such a term.

Father, I told P how I feel. She is bit too over powering and I felt restricted. If I can feel this, and C also felt it, then others be getting more impact than us. But the thing is she normally says that she tries to tone down. Maybe it's just me. I don't like to feel restricted. But at least I now shared instead of keeping it in my heart and fester. We both shared. The ball at my court.

Father, I will continue on no red meat. My body likes it. I truly want to be healthy. Father, this change is totally unexpected. Firstly I had no plans to do so despite so many msg from the stomach and weight gain. But the cholesterol stopped me on my track. I could have easily taken the pills like others but I don't want to do so. I don't prescribe to external solution. Because of that I got to manage my intake. And once I decided, there was no resistance, it just flow.

Father, at least I m back to 5 sessions of hata yoga. And now further strengthen with surya kriya and no red meat and poultry.

Father, I just ask P on the pix cos I was curious n tot she knew the purpose of the pix. She gave me a reply and I tot not so valid cos there are so many other words there n tot to discuss. Alas she just said her interpretation and mine is different.
Father, because of her steadfast hold to her values. Eight of Diamonds. She can do things that take loads of will power. But that's also her weakness, holding on to her values cos then her changes only relates to things she valued. There will be no growth as changes is normally due to things that we tot we didn't value. Going beyond likes and  dislikes. Yea. I guess we gone beyond. I have grown up.