Volunteering was me seeking validation

Apr 7
Woke up and wonder how Y. Or rather what's next for me. Its clear volunteering not for me. Need not judge.
All these while I was doing what others want. Now just to focus on what I want.

Now realised why I was affected when they write off the venue I found. I was feeling rejected. I was seeking approval. That's it.  Bit sad but that's it.

Today practices were not great.
Angarmadhana was okay, improving. Now less tired after standing and squatting posture. Will know what posture I miss this Saturday. Even got energy to do one cycle of Surya kriya, though not deep. Breathing not so okay. Feeling hot and had to switch on air conditioner half way.  Finished earlier. One thing I realised is that without proper Surya Kriya breathing not okay.
Shakti was okay and Shambavi too. Towards the end after plough back, I rested and doze off into a dream. I woke up.
Room feel hot; forgot to close the blinds.

Father, now that I know volunteering only for bonding. Writing is for myself. What's next.

As I was driving I saw my face in the mirror; I truly look more feminine. My face has a softer and subtle look. I can even said I look lovely.
 Father, perhaps instead of asking what's next. Let me appreciate my physical transformation. Me in a much slimmer frame, looking great. Face complexion looks good. Finger nails strong and hands softer. There is a miracle I seems to grow younger.