Mind trying to hold due to fear of loss of bonding

Mar 19

Woke up around 4 am, body quite fine. But I slept back cos today is off day...and I had a dream and woke up upon alarm at 7 am.
Tot bit about Y, wonder how he is.
Then tot about me and Isha volunteering. Why the resistant? Recalling my this week Osho tarot card of What is needed for resolutionto?
Ice-olation
We are miserable because we are too much in the self. What does it mean when I say we are too much in the self? And what exactly happens when we are too much in the self? Either you can be in existence or you can be in the self – both are not possible together. To be in the self means to be apart, to be separate. To be in the self means to become an island.
To be in the self means to draw a boundary line around you. To be in the self means to make a distinction between 'this I am' and 'that I am not,' The definition, the boundary, between 'I' and 'not I' is what the self is – the self isolates. And it makes you frozen – you are no longer flowing. If you are flowing the self cannot exist.

Also tot of the Internal Influence
Laziness
The message this card brings is that this poolside resort is not your final destination. The journey isn't over yet, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show. Your complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now it's time to move on. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the pina colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.

Soul
Yesterday meeting, i went back resigned to the fact that at the moment I still want to volunteer and at the moment it seems that I am best needed as volunteer coordinator. But as a matter of compromise; knowing that I still have resistant on volunteering, they let me be the Volunteer Coordinator (Advisor) instead..Spoke to A, he said I need to reiterate that the role of advisor is only temporary.

Suddenly tot of Si being the visitor coordinator, we can then organised visit to ashram on program. Many people not comfortable on going alone to India. Wrote this down in Isha promo.
This morning, did Bhoota Shuddi and guru pooja. Did one cycle of Yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya. The pain still there, so take time to stretch to normal posture. Did my asanas...I would say it was better than ever...more flexible than before. Even the sitting with 2 legs posture was better than ever. Snail was flexible too..
Breathing was lovely..so nice.
Shakti was deep. Kapala Bhakti done slowly..went in ..Towards the end, some songs in my mind and then sweet silence thereafter.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end, contentment..So full, so contented. I found my Home.


Today card - Mars
The Ace of Diamonds

The Ace of Diamonds means the desire for money or the birth of a new way of earning money. All Aces represent new beginnings, a desire for something that starts a new cycle of creating. Aces are the representatives of pure creative energy.
Diamonds represent our value systems, the things that we like or dislike, treasure or discard. So, the Ace of Diamonds means that we experience the birth of a new value or that we suddenly like or want something that we didn't before.

Because diamonds are commonly associated with money and our work, the Ace of Diamonds can mean the beginning of a new financial enterprise or the desire to obtain money for a specific purpose.

Soul
Possibly on my ideas of promotion for Isha.

This week Osho resolution card
Nothingness
In the beginning is nature, in the end is nature, so why do you make so much fuss in the middle? Why become so worried in the middle, so anxious, so ambitious – why create such despair? Nothingness to nothingness is the whole journey." Osho
Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.

Soul
Just remain in this uncertainty.
Wish I could chat with Y..but alas..can't disturb him as he too having his issues.