Doing what I value is loving myself

Apr 10
North node in Taurus - Discrimination
Angarmadhana is improving. After the standing session, I was not breathless as usual. quite easy going. Was able to balance at the last asanas of one leg balance.

Today Breathing was lovely. For the first time ever I feel my spine is light. My body is light. Just sat on its own. It was effortless sitting.
Shakti was good. Little tots during Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Able to touch both knees all 3 cycles in cat stretch.
Towards the end, head shakes very fast. Then body settle down. Feel light. Just like during breathing session except energy greater.

Father, guess yesterday release was a major one. No more doing things unwillingly. When I do things unwillingly I m just being unloving to myself. No wonder I feel unlovable cos I self raped myself. No more. When I love myself I need not be desperate for a partner to love me.
Such a paradox, me who always portrayed self centredness is actually not. Alas I gone into my deepest recesses.
Now realised its great that I didn't got my partner till now otherwise I be living their values and doing things unwillingly as I don't know the difference. Didn't know I was self raping myself. Brought me back to the childhood episode where I stay there unwillingly during the molestation. I tot I got no choice.

This week Osho card, Internal influence is on Past Lives. Really true.

Astrology for soul
North node in Taurus.
Because they were not born knowing what is important to them in life, they tend to investigate others's value. But this never works because when others share what is important to them, they say to themselves:" That's not important because .......... ", and the other person feels invalidated. Not only does north node in Taurus lose out on what they are seeking but the process throws the other person off track in pursuing his values and he often ends up feeling upset.
Taurus North node people have spent so many incarnations being subject to the value system of others that they sometimes hide what they want if they think its not socially acceptable or not okay with those close to them. But in this incarnation in order to build a sense of self worth, they need to discriminate between others' values and their own and honor what they want. Only when they go after what they really want, do they feel good about themselves.

Soul
So true.
I don't like volunteering. Alas can now declare to core group.