Self love - more relaxation

Mar 27
Woke up feeling cold and wide awake at 3.20 am. Slept back and woke up at 3.50 am. Body is good despite sleeping around 11 pm.

Today second day on angarmadhana. I did most of the postures. At the moment can't think of any missing postures.
After Bhoota Shuddi and Guru pooja, I start Angarmadhana. Finished by 5.10 am
Did a short breathing today. It was okay.
Shakti was just okay and same goes for Shambavi. Somehow Kapalabhakti was not good. But in the end of Shakti, songs start to arise in my mind. Finished early by 6.40 am due to shorter breathing.

Today wore back my old tight T-shirt blouse of four years ago. It fits now but no longer my style. I have changed. 

Had bit of tot of Y but waived it off. No longer on compulsion mode.
This morning a tot came on M; she is stagnant. Then it occur to me, if she is not willing to feel sadness, she cannot be truly happy. The more u experience sadness, the more u experience happiness. This a world of duality.

Destiny, freedom and soul
Difference between egomania and self love.
With egomania, u will create more misery for urself. U will be more and more tense, u can't relax.
With self love, u will start to become more and more relaxed. A person who loves himself is totally relaxed. To love somebody else creates a little tension because the other need not always in tune with u. He or she may have his own ideas. There is always a subtle struggle going on. But when u love urself, there if nobody else.  There is no conflict - it is pure silence, it is tremendous delight. U are alone and nobody disturbs u. The other is not needed at all.
And to me, a person who had become capable of such deep love for himself becomes capable of loving others. If u cannot love urself, how can u love others? 

So if u r getting more and more miserable, then u are on the trip of being an egomaniac. If u are becoming more tranquil, silent, happy, together then u are another trip - the trip of self love.

Soul
Yes.


Destiny, freedom and soul
If u are on ego trip, u will become destructive to others. If u are moving towards self-love, the ego will disappear. And when the ego disappears, u allow the other to be himself or herself, u give total freedom.
Love is freedom - freedom for u and freedom for the object of ur love.