Learning to ignore my mind

Apr 9

Mind acting up. Why sadhanas. Body also tired. Why no transformation? I still don't have my partner yet. All my efforts gone to waste.
Then I remember my body has now transformed.
Then I remember Kailash so got to do practices to keep fit.
I also remember I want to be complete me.
With that, I ignored my mind and went to shower.

Did Angarmadhan, still okay. Slowly getting the hang of one leg balancing.
When I was doing Shavasana, again the pillar of light came in. It green light.
Breathing was good today. Body automatically on arashidharna. Spine seems to 'stand' on its own. It doesn't require my hands to sit straight..Truly spine can 'stand' on its own.
Shakti was okay..try to go slow today on Kapala Bhakti and can feel energy build up. Towards the end of Kapala Bhakti and end, head was mopping the floor. Songs starts to come into my mind.
Shambavi good..Towards the end, contentment flows in, sat for a while
I suddenly tot of Y...

Today my card.
My Daily Card
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.

Soul
Today work hard on a few things both office and local Isha.
Teacher then ask on the next IE session.
At first, I proceed to draft mail to the venue's person and then later I stopped myself.
I don't want to go back to the past.
What I want to do now is to close up all the hanging matters.
No more handling the future matters.
Then later mind wants to go back to Y and I start to search for his card, but I stopped myself. then it went to Osho tarot on relation cards but I also stopped myself.No more going back to the past.
I just want to move forward.

Enjoying a cup of local coffee..fragrance..
Been awhile.
But on brewed coffee...it is decaf now..no longer like the strong coffee.

Mmm, suddenly it occured to me..the fact I stop myself for checking out on Y; that takes awareness..
the fact that I stopped myself for doing the future local isha matters, that takes awareness.

It has been a difficult two weeks..but I am slowly coming out.