Learning to say no again

Mar 14 aft.

Just had a one hour call with P. Looks like while I am out from the admin, I am still carrying the volunteer coordinator.
I will need to guide another person to take over my role.
According to them, they need one person who is rooted in the practices, can reach out to people, on volunteer recruitment mode.


Mar 14 eve
When I received the call from P I was excited for her. But then she told me that she put me as Volunteer lead. I asked her why and she replied I m the best choice.

Actually my decision yesterday encompass volunteering. To me once I said nope, I already taken a secondary role. That's why I was surprised that P put me as lead. In my mind she would be the lead.
To me backing her up does not mean me taking the lead front while she handle the admin. To me she be taking the lead front. Anyway all these comes up only after my evening practices. Again, delayed reaction but this time I m very sure.  No more taking this role and feeling burden and resentment.

When I told her no just now she was frustrated and said even if we put up another name, new teacher has to approve. Well, I retorted even if teacher approve me, I still have to right to agree or not. I reminded her that she said I got a choice. I told her she know my dilemma for the past 5 years and so help me to keep to my decision.

Father, suddenly it occur to me that this keep coming up cos I sway. It is similar to me having the two jobs back then. It is just another test, another time for me to make my choice again. For me to truly make up my mind.
I just realised this. If we don't put a parameter, we keep on getting deeper.

Alas I am able to say no. Able to tell others what I want. Not suppress and later ran away.