I was so ready to be in love...hence fall for wrong ones

Mar 29 eve 1

M is so ready to be wounded.
Then so was I previously.
And now thinking perhaps I m so ready to be in love.
Perhaps the love I have for Z and Y are not real love. Just like the wounds are not real too.

Alas understand what Osho meant that our fear of aloneness makes us so ready to be in love; whether with people or things.

The last two days I m wondering of my wish to have husband with me on Kailash is good. Kailash is for me and me alone. I don't want to cloud it with the husband thingy.
I didn't go thru Angarmadhana so to get a husband. I went to Kailash for Kailash alone.

Kailash DVD
Shiva translate into English is Grace.

Soul
Just finished the video. This is the third time I watch it. First time in my home. I cried.
Looking to going just be in meditative zone.

Father, just saw the pix of Z and wife in Facebook. I no longer wish for the past. I know Z and I were never meant to be. He was the soul mate that led me to live fearlessly.
On Y, not sure but guess he helped me to get over Z and he led me to experience loving fearlessly.

Father, no more dilemma on local Isha. I just contribute when I want to. No longer need to feel responsible for everything eventhough I may be capable to do everything.

Father, me ready to be in love. Mmm, no wonder North node in Taurus advised me to firstly find and ground my values. Others wise be falling for wrong guy since I m ready to fall.
I used to be ready to be wounded and then three years ago ready to fall in love. Well, I want just to be ready to go home to Kailash. As for my husband, he will come.