Acceptance or rejection is due to suitability, not due to lovability

Mar 18 mor

Suddenly tot of why others were given choices and not me. It is not that they don't love me when they don't give me choice. It is because they think I am suitable.
Just like when teacher gave a choice to me but not P; it was not because teacher love me but because he can see that I may not be suitable as I don't want anything to happen...ie not so suitable.
But okay, they think I m suitable and hence not giving me a choice..but I still got the right to agree or not and I truly don't want.
However, i still want to volunteer in marketing area....and if they can't create a role, then I will go into HYS...which is where my marketing skill be required. (This is my mind talking..holding on)

Was checking my blog and saw a reader reading this journal back in mid 2013
North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
When they step back and deliberately look at situations from the other person's perspective (what the other person wants and needs), then they can make choices in alignment with what will work for everyone including themselves - in each situation.
But ultimately, to gain the full measure of freedom and love they so fervently seek requires these folks to not only objectively view others but also objectively view themselves. As they begin to observe themselves without judging, they gain the perspective to authentically be themselves without fear.

Soul
Yes, I sought freedom and love.
I want to be authentically myself without fear.

Today card in Venus
My Daily Card
The Four of Diamonds

The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.

Soul
My earlier dilemma was because I was given 'love' and hence bound to accept..well, it is not love...it is just objective reasoning of my suitability for the role..
Suddenly a tot occurred to me..it is just like Z not choosing me for his wife..it is not a case of love; it is just a case of objective reasoning of my suitability into family life since I don't want children. It is not because Z don't care for me.
For Z, marriage is all about family...for me, marriage is about companionship and growth.
For Z, it is all about physicall...and work.
For me, it is about spiritual and mental growth....and hopefully emotional contentment..

So, the same for Y...it is not that he doesnt' like me. If he doesn't, he would not have been messaging crazy, never happen in his life...we are mentally compatible...and physically comfortable with each other..although we were never intimate.
But our age is so much different and with his mother's pressure for traditional and same caste marriage...so objective reasoning...he opted to let me go...
And him avoiding me...is not out of dislike but out of care..
Father, for the first time..people not choosing me....is not seen as a bad case..not seen as me being labeled as unlovable. it is just a case of suitability into their plans.
Just like me not agreeing to the role of local lead, is because it doesn't go with my plan...of how I want to spend my life...
I don't want to rush..I just want to savour my life...
Being a volunteer lead has heavy responsibility and target to meet. Me, at nearly 47..half century..just want to go with the flow. No longer want to rush myself to achieve..no more..
If anything, I just want to spend energy on my spiritual growth and loving time with my future husband. Thats all..
This is what I know I want for next 4 months..

Father, suddenly I realised what Sadness card means.

"This pain is not to make you sad, remember. That's where people go on missing.... This pain is just to make you more alert – because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them.The pain is not to make you miserable, the pain is to make you more aware! And when you are aware, misery disappears." Osho
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.