Fear of losing

Mar 18

Woke up 4.45 am, body was okay. Tot bit of Y who is back and also tonight meet on local Isha. Father, I may not know what I truly want but I just know I don't want to be the lead. Everytime I go back and for once let's just take a breather. I will let myself be after Kailash. For now just want to be me whoever I am, even the confuse one.

Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja immediately. Did one cycle of yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya. My hands could barely touch the floor, I have to slowly ease to it until finger tips barely touch the floor. But was good.
Breathing was okay. Shakti was good. Shambavi was good too. Towards the end some singing in the mind then followed by contentment.


Wayne Dyer
Be independent of the good opinion of others and be free from the need of approvals.

Soul
Just checked Y's whatapp and saw that it was last switched on a few days ago. The mind automatically said he was avoiding me. Even when on further to say that he switched off his timer so I can't see that he is on.
Mmm, will just ignore this as I m not that 'powerful'.

This week card, not so sure.

1. The Issue
Sorrow

2. Internal influence u are unaware
Laziness.

3. External influences u are aware
Mind

4. What is needed for resolution?
Ice-olation

Either u can be in existence or u can be self - both are not possible together. To be self means to be apart, to be separate. To be self is to isolates.
Some women have been taught not to cry, to put up a brave face on things when they get hurt and not show that they are in pain. If our pain is particularly deep, we might even try to hide it from ourselves. This can make us frozen, rigid. The tears only the tears have the power to melt the ice. Crying helps us to let go of pain.

Soul
Not looking forward. Mind said why others are given choice; why not me. A tot came, they are given cos they not truly suitable. Just like I was given a choice by teacher.
Yes, teacher gave me a choice. So now just have to stick with this. While I may feel bit loss bit no fear.

Guess also now that I lost Y not sure if I can handle losing Isha lead role. Not sure what is left except now just want to work on my body with angarmadhana.

5. Resolution
Nothingness.
Nothing is not just nothing. It is vibrant with all possibilities. It is potential, absolute potential.