Dec 27
Woke up with tot of Y, just a neutral tot neither positive or negative. Me still focus on my easy love; so can't be him.
Did my practices. Surya kriya was good despite the phelgm and cough. Shakti good too. Shambavi not okay cos nose was too blocked, can't do fluttering and aum chanting properly. Toward the end just contented silence.
Reaffirm my thanks to Linga for fulfillment of my wish.
No plan to message Y but it just happen.
The best conversation is the one that u don't have to worry about what you say, you can just be you.
Got this from Facebook
I am not open to many people.
I am usually quiet and I don't really like attention. So if I like u enough to show the real me, you must be very special.
Soul
Y said he can't chat if he is not close to the person. He said he has never chatted so much in his life; except with me. All the chats he has with all the people for the past few years can be combined into the chats he has with me the past one month.
So I too impact him la.
Father, just see this as it is. So great to not have the negative compulsion tots of my valuation and etc. No more agonising feeling of being rejected. No more self judgement on loss of pride; loss of vulnerability and etc. Everything no longer there.
The past Seven of Clubs and seven of Hearts are gone. Amen.
Truly ready for my real partner. Amen.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Opening up to Y..without fear of past..
Dec 26 eve
Women Food and God
Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist, talks about the euphoria she experienced when during a stroke, her left-brain functions of linear thinking and using the past to orient the present stopped functioning. When there was no longer a memory of the way things were, there was no concept of the self, no longer a me and a you. Without the grid of the past imposed on the moment to moment unfolding of the present, there was only peace, only radiance, only awareness, profound awe at living itself.
The bliss that occurs by arriving where you are. When we are not reconstructing the past in every nanosecond, what is here is so satisfying, so unbelievably simple that once tasted, it changes everything. Because then you know what's possible and u refuse to settle for anything less.
Soul
Something amazing happen. After my last night declaration about our connection to Y. Today Y asking if I do astrology connection for everyone and I said nope, he was the second one. He then said he must have impacted my life either positively or negatively. I told him positively. He must have guessed the first one was my ex, Z.
Few exchanges thereafter. The old me would have reacted compulsively by having negative tots.
No more compulsive negative tots. End of Seven of Clubs.
Women Food and God
Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist, talks about the euphoria she experienced when during a stroke, her left-brain functions of linear thinking and using the past to orient the present stopped functioning. When there was no longer a memory of the way things were, there was no concept of the self, no longer a me and a you. Without the grid of the past imposed on the moment to moment unfolding of the present, there was only peace, only radiance, only awareness, profound awe at living itself.
The bliss that occurs by arriving where you are. When we are not reconstructing the past in every nanosecond, what is here is so satisfying, so unbelievably simple that once tasted, it changes everything. Because then you know what's possible and u refuse to settle for anything less.
Soul
Something amazing happen. After my last night declaration about our connection to Y. Today Y asking if I do astrology connection for everyone and I said nope, he was the second one. He then said he must have impacted my life either positively or negatively. I told him positively. He must have guessed the first one was my ex, Z.
Few exchanges thereafter. The old me would have reacted compulsively by having negative tots.
No more compulsive negative tots. End of Seven of Clubs.
North node in Taurus - life path is to cultivate our own values
Dec 26 mor
Was checking out my blog status and saw the following Oct 24 read.
Michele Knight on North Node in Taurus
North or True Node in the sign of Taurus then you have chosen to walk the path of Spiritual Values.
Your Soul Path Journey: It’s not about other people’s values and beliefs, but yours if you have your North Node in Taurus. Your task is to create your own that you live by, stand by and which sustain you and provide you with a deep sense of connection and stability no matter what may be happening externally in your life. You are the calm after the storm, the eye of the hurricane, the rock that cannot be broken, the safe harbour you and those you love can always find shelter in.
Your South Node: Is in Scorpio, sign of transformation, change, shared resources and also power, manipulation, domination and control. Your journey involves being your own personal agent of change through grounding yourself in your beliefs and values. When you feel secure you have no need to control or manipulate others. In this way you release any negative karma associated with the past.
How Your Soul Mate Will Recognise You: You effortlessly fuse creativity with practicality in anything you do. And you’ve got that whole hidden sexy thing going on which you take a little time to reveal. As you get to know one another better you will notice your soul mate is helping you to heal old emotional wounds and the two of you will work towards building something – a project, a home, a garden, a creative work, anything that both of you are passionate about.
It’s Not A Soul Mate When: You begin to notice you are keeping things from them, become obsessive, possessive, manipulative, controlling, create psycho-drama such as arguments where you call it quits only to get back together with great make-up sex just to repeat the whole cycle again weeks later.
Remember, every connection we make is here to teach us something about ourselves. North Node in Taurus is all about security without rigidity or the need to control. You key word is trust because when you trust yourself it’s then easy to trust other people.
Soul
Glad I got this morning...confirmed that Z and I definitely not true soul mate.
Today my Jupiter card
My Daily Card
The Eight of Diamonds
The Eight of Diamonds tells you that you will have a considerable amount of financial power. The power to make money is yours and this is power that you probably want to use for some special purpose. Financial power can come from many avenues. You could earn the money or you could borrow the money but one thing is for sure. In order to have this financial power, you will have to get very clear on how much money you want and what the purpose of having that money will be. You see, the Eight of Diamonds means focusing and concentrating our VALUES, and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us in the amounts we need.
Soul
True...key word is to focus and concentrate on my values.
My values are spiritual and material wellbeing.
My romantic relationship is easy, sweet and evermore.
My path is on spiritual values to gain my inner security.
Once I am secured inwardly, no longer need to have control over myself or the environment...thats means fear is gone and life is on...
Was checking out my blog status and saw the following Oct 24 read.
Michele Knight on North Node in Taurus
North or True Node in the sign of Taurus then you have chosen to walk the path of Spiritual Values.
Your Soul Path Journey: It’s not about other people’s values and beliefs, but yours if you have your North Node in Taurus. Your task is to create your own that you live by, stand by and which sustain you and provide you with a deep sense of connection and stability no matter what may be happening externally in your life. You are the calm after the storm, the eye of the hurricane, the rock that cannot be broken, the safe harbour you and those you love can always find shelter in.
Your South Node: Is in Scorpio, sign of transformation, change, shared resources and also power, manipulation, domination and control. Your journey involves being your own personal agent of change through grounding yourself in your beliefs and values. When you feel secure you have no need to control or manipulate others. In this way you release any negative karma associated with the past.
How Your Soul Mate Will Recognise You: You effortlessly fuse creativity with practicality in anything you do. And you’ve got that whole hidden sexy thing going on which you take a little time to reveal. As you get to know one another better you will notice your soul mate is helping you to heal old emotional wounds and the two of you will work towards building something – a project, a home, a garden, a creative work, anything that both of you are passionate about.
It’s Not A Soul Mate When: You begin to notice you are keeping things from them, become obsessive, possessive, manipulative, controlling, create psycho-drama such as arguments where you call it quits only to get back together with great make-up sex just to repeat the whole cycle again weeks later.
Remember, every connection we make is here to teach us something about ourselves. North Node in Taurus is all about security without rigidity or the need to control. You key word is trust because when you trust yourself it’s then easy to trust other people.
Soul
Glad I got this morning...confirmed that Z and I definitely not true soul mate.
Today my Jupiter card
My Daily Card
The Eight of Diamonds
The Eight of Diamonds tells you that you will have a considerable amount of financial power. The power to make money is yours and this is power that you probably want to use for some special purpose. Financial power can come from many avenues. You could earn the money or you could borrow the money but one thing is for sure. In order to have this financial power, you will have to get very clear on how much money you want and what the purpose of having that money will be. You see, the Eight of Diamonds means focusing and concentrating our VALUES, and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us in the amounts we need.
Soul
True...key word is to focus and concentrate on my values.
My values are spiritual and material wellbeing.
My romantic relationship is easy, sweet and evermore.
My path is on spiritual values to gain my inner security.
Once I am secured inwardly, no longer need to have control over myself or the environment...thats means fear is gone and life is on...
Jupiter in Second House - finding a Guide to reach the highest planes of existence..I found Sadhguru
Dec 26
Woke up okay at 3.50 am despite sleeping around 11 pm yesterday night. Mucus in eyes not as bad as yesterday. But nose still blocked.
Voice is gone; couldn't even do opening invocation nor sing guru pooja. Did everything in my mind. Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas, quite good. Breathing not okay cos nose is really blocked.
Shakti was okay considering that I had to open my eyes intermittently to spit out dirty phelgm.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end sat a long while watching my breathe and feeling the lovely energy from the shrine.
I m glad I checked out the Cosmic love connection between me and Y. As expected there is no south node since 7thunder also said the same.
He is in my 2nd house Jupiter.
I am in his 10th house
We both got Gemini connection. No wonder our relationship full of communication. And it is said that while its good we both share and discuss option; best is through written communication. That's true I find that his kindness comes through in typed chats rather than his verbal brash tone that can be quite demanding; like a tiger. That's why I told him yesterday his personality in typed chats is different in verbal chats.
So, he is in my Jupiter. When I was meditating, a tot came to ask his guidance on my website and also maybe be editor for me as his English is powerful. But I would then need to open my site to him and he will know my issues. So, no go for now...
Transcendent Potential in Jupiter's Second House
You can realize the transcendent potential of Jupiter in the Second House when you become uninterested or fed up with continually trying to expand your material wealth. This may lead you to try to understand the value set that undergirds society and life itself. As your understanding deepens, you come to know what is really valuable in life. This brings you great happiness--far greater than can be experienced through the accumulation of material objects. Determinedly and joyously, you expand your understanding of the purpose of life and the value of your existence. If you are extremely fortunate, you find some Guide who can teach you how to reach to the highest planes of existence. Here, within yourself, you accumulate wealth undreamed of by others.
Soul
Exactly I found Sadhguru. And now got Y who constantly prod me to continue in the path. My spiritual companion.
Woke up okay at 3.50 am despite sleeping around 11 pm yesterday night. Mucus in eyes not as bad as yesterday. But nose still blocked.
Voice is gone; couldn't even do opening invocation nor sing guru pooja. Did everything in my mind. Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas, quite good. Breathing not okay cos nose is really blocked.
Shakti was okay considering that I had to open my eyes intermittently to spit out dirty phelgm.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end sat a long while watching my breathe and feeling the lovely energy from the shrine.
I m glad I checked out the Cosmic love connection between me and Y. As expected there is no south node since 7thunder also said the same.
He is in my 2nd house Jupiter.
I am in his 10th house
We both got Gemini connection. No wonder our relationship full of communication. And it is said that while its good we both share and discuss option; best is through written communication. That's true I find that his kindness comes through in typed chats rather than his verbal brash tone that can be quite demanding; like a tiger. That's why I told him yesterday his personality in typed chats is different in verbal chats.
So, he is in my Jupiter. When I was meditating, a tot came to ask his guidance on my website and also maybe be editor for me as his English is powerful. But I would then need to open my site to him and he will know my issues. So, no go for now...
Transcendent Potential in Jupiter's Second House
You can realize the transcendent potential of Jupiter in the Second House when you become uninterested or fed up with continually trying to expand your material wealth. This may lead you to try to understand the value set that undergirds society and life itself. As your understanding deepens, you come to know what is really valuable in life. This brings you great happiness--far greater than can be experienced through the accumulation of material objects. Determinedly and joyously, you expand your understanding of the purpose of life and the value of your existence. If you are extremely fortunate, you find some Guide who can teach you how to reach to the highest planes of existence. Here, within yourself, you accumulate wealth undreamed of by others.
Soul
Exactly I found Sadhguru. And now got Y who constantly prod me to continue in the path. My spiritual companion.
Going with the flow on Y
Dec 25 eve
A good day. Just being myself. No disturbing tots. Not more dilemma or negative tots on Y. Just go with the flow. Now that I affirm love is easy; no need to pursue with Y.
Just go with the flow.
I msg him in afternoon and he msg me in the evening; just comfortable with each other. I still have some romantic antasy but I m focused on love is easy. So, just go with the flow.
A good day. Just being myself. No disturbing tots. Not more dilemma or negative tots on Y. Just go with the flow. Now that I affirm love is easy; no need to pursue with Y.
Just go with the flow.
I msg him in afternoon and he msg me in the evening; just comfortable with each other. I still have some romantic antasy but I m focused on love is easy. So, just go with the flow.
Sadhguru - being joyful releases us from the happenings in the external situation
Dec 25
Woke up with both eyes covered in mucus, throat so painful and nose totally blocked. Had to use salt water to cleanse.
Sang guru pooja and did 3 cycles of Surya kriya. Surprisingly was quite good. Shakti was good and Shambavi very nice. Just savouring the Shrine's energy.
Emotion - The Juice of Life by Sadhguru
A human being is constantly seeking to experience life deeper, whether he is aware of it or not. For most people, unpleasantness is the deepest experience in their life. They have never known their true pleasantness within themselves, it has just been on the surface - it has never really gone deep into their life. That's why people with some intensity, like artists, musician, painters, dancers have always sought pain to give depth to their work. Joy did not give depth to their work because they do not know how to depict joy in its highest form and deepest possibility. They have never known true joy. They have known pain, so they deepen their pain and try to depict that pain in their work so that there is depth to it.
Whatever u do, you want to experience life in a bigger way than u are experiencing it right now. U are consciously seeking a bigger experience, a bigger slice of life for urself. Yoga or spirituality brings a method and a science to that longing so that u put ur roots into the absolute core of life. Then the outside situation will no longer have an impact on u. If this happens, joy is not even the goal of ur life anymore; it is just a side effect.
Soul
Sadhana grounds me to my root. Yesterday I was suddenly so overwhelmed with gratitude. I knew I found my roots. No more searching. I m so blessed to found it. Thanks to Sadhguru.
The juice of life
When you are already joyful, whatever happens or does not happen is not an issue. U r released from the fruit of action before u start the action. This is not because u developed some dispassion or renunciation about it. It is simply because u are joyful. Only if u are joyful u can be free from the fruit of action.
Soul
Amen.
Woke up with both eyes covered in mucus, throat so painful and nose totally blocked. Had to use salt water to cleanse.
Sang guru pooja and did 3 cycles of Surya kriya. Surprisingly was quite good. Shakti was good and Shambavi very nice. Just savouring the Shrine's energy.
Emotion - The Juice of Life by Sadhguru
A human being is constantly seeking to experience life deeper, whether he is aware of it or not. For most people, unpleasantness is the deepest experience in their life. They have never known their true pleasantness within themselves, it has just been on the surface - it has never really gone deep into their life. That's why people with some intensity, like artists, musician, painters, dancers have always sought pain to give depth to their work. Joy did not give depth to their work because they do not know how to depict joy in its highest form and deepest possibility. They have never known true joy. They have known pain, so they deepen their pain and try to depict that pain in their work so that there is depth to it.
Whatever u do, you want to experience life in a bigger way than u are experiencing it right now. U are consciously seeking a bigger experience, a bigger slice of life for urself. Yoga or spirituality brings a method and a science to that longing so that u put ur roots into the absolute core of life. Then the outside situation will no longer have an impact on u. If this happens, joy is not even the goal of ur life anymore; it is just a side effect.
Soul
Sadhana grounds me to my root. Yesterday I was suddenly so overwhelmed with gratitude. I knew I found my roots. No more searching. I m so blessed to found it. Thanks to Sadhguru.
The juice of life
When you are already joyful, whatever happens or does not happen is not an issue. U r released from the fruit of action before u start the action. This is not because u developed some dispassion or renunciation about it. It is simply because u are joyful. Only if u are joyful u can be free from the fruit of action.
Soul
Amen.
Sadhguru - don't shun or suppressed your emotion
Dec 24 eve
Emotion - the juice of life
A gateway can either block u, or let u beyond.
So ur emotions are not to be shunned and rejected to go beyond. U cannot shun them.
If u try to become devoid of emotion, u will have suppressed emotions, and u will become dry.
Ur emotion needs to be accepted in a very deep way so that it becomes ur friend. A friend is somebody who is pleasant to u.
Mmm; something 'new' here. I always tot beyond is to break or ignore or leap over.
Soul
Just now suddenly I cried after guru pooja. I cried for Vijji. I said Vijii pix must be here.
It will be here.
The shrine felt bit incomplete without her.
No more controlling my emotion..
Emotion - the juice of life
A gateway can either block u, or let u beyond.
So ur emotions are not to be shunned and rejected to go beyond. U cannot shun them.
If u try to become devoid of emotion, u will have suppressed emotions, and u will become dry.
Ur emotion needs to be accepted in a very deep way so that it becomes ur friend. A friend is somebody who is pleasant to u.
Mmm; something 'new' here. I always tot beyond is to break or ignore or leap over.
Soul
Just now suddenly I cried after guru pooja. I cried for Vijji. I said Vijii pix must be here.
It will be here.
The shrine felt bit incomplete without her.
No more controlling my emotion..
Sadhguru - involvement can be more than body
Dec 24 aft
Mystic Musing
Very few people can involve themselves to that extent in their love affair also. Even there, the involvement is because body touch. Because of their identification is with their physical body, the only way they know to involve themselves is by opening their body.
Only when a person rises to another level of experience, their involvement with something else or somebody else goes to great depths without physical involvement, because now the identification with the body is receding. Identification with the other dimension of urself is building momentum.
Soul
Something here.....
Last time Z and I we only connect physically...
Now Y and I, we only connect mentally...
Mystic Musing
Very few people can involve themselves to that extent in their love affair also. Even there, the involvement is because body touch. Because of their identification is with their physical body, the only way they know to involve themselves is by opening their body.
Only when a person rises to another level of experience, their involvement with something else or somebody else goes to great depths without physical involvement, because now the identification with the body is receding. Identification with the other dimension of urself is building momentum.
Soul
Something here.....
Last time Z and I we only connect physically...
Now Y and I, we only connect mentally...
North node in Taurus - focus on building my values instead of bonding
Dec 24
Despite the medication yesterday and sleeping around 1 am, body woke up around 6 am. It must be the pre-sleep breathing meditation.
So did 5 cycle of Surya kriya..quite effortless albeit difficult on the breathe fluttering since nose is completely blocked.
Breathing is quite okay..
Shakti was good...toward the end starts to sing.
This time no more singing goodbye song...just sang this instead...
my own lyric...Love is easy; Love is sweet; Love is evermore....
No more seeking challenging relationship to prove my valuation..
Just like I stopped seeking challenging jobs..the same will happen to romantic relationships..
So, I won't be fantasising on Y and me...too much challenges...
But surprisingly now that I don't think of bonding with him..we got even better...we just msg chat on phone for nearly one and half hour...
To my surprise, my weight gone down further...it is now 56.3kg...so I lost about 15 pounds since March this year.
Now updating the blog and read this. Good reminder. This is my 52 days Four of Diamonds and Four of Hearts in Jupiter. Be focused on strengthening my values
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves.
When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner. They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
Soul
Amen..Alas, I finally realised the door is always open.
I was the one who locked myself inside.
I was the one who created all those suffering dramas.
No more...
Will now have relationships intelligently.
Despite the medication yesterday and sleeping around 1 am, body woke up around 6 am. It must be the pre-sleep breathing meditation.
So did 5 cycle of Surya kriya..quite effortless albeit difficult on the breathe fluttering since nose is completely blocked.
Breathing is quite okay..
Shakti was good...toward the end starts to sing.
This time no more singing goodbye song...just sang this instead...
my own lyric...Love is easy; Love is sweet; Love is evermore....
No more seeking challenging relationship to prove my valuation..
Just like I stopped seeking challenging jobs..the same will happen to romantic relationships..
So, I won't be fantasising on Y and me...too much challenges...
But surprisingly now that I don't think of bonding with him..we got even better...we just msg chat on phone for nearly one and half hour...
To my surprise, my weight gone down further...it is now 56.3kg...so I lost about 15 pounds since March this year.
Now updating the blog and read this. Good reminder. This is my 52 days Four of Diamonds and Four of Hearts in Jupiter. Be focused on strengthening my values
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves.
When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner. They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
Soul
Amen..Alas, I finally realised the door is always open.
I was the one who locked myself inside.
I was the one who created all those suffering dramas.
No more...
Will now have relationships intelligently.
I truly seek out challenging romantic relationships, just like I used to seek challenging jobs...
Dec 23 eve 1
Got this card..and I was wondering...how? where? what?
My Daily Card
The King of Diamonds
The King of Diamonds can often represent a successful business man, one who runs his own business, or a financial man such as a banker or stockbroker. He is successful and has a strong sense of values which have made him the success he is. So, when this card appears, you could have some dealings with someone like this or you could take on these qualities yourself.
The King of Diamonds often appears when we are ready to start our own business and it promises great success if we do. It is the highest card in the suit of money and values and as such bestows everything needed to make a success of some financial or business opportunity. When this card appears, don't let it go to waste. Find some way to be in business for yourself and go for it.
Towards evening, I suddenly realised how I compulsively created challenging romantic relationship for myself.
There were 2 issues:
Firstly, I wanted the challenges to prove the valuation for myself if I were to succeed. The riskier it is, the higher the valuation when I pass the challenge.
Secondly, with my Seven of Clubs; knowing the challenges, I began to visualise the negative outcome...and true enough negative outcome arise.
Thirdly, since the chances of failure is great and with the negative expectation - failure is assured ; so far I only faced failure. This failure then reaffirmed my perception of the low valuation I had....and hence I wallow in feeling unlovable..thinking it was my karma..
Well, no more...a few weeks ago I decided I won't compulsively feel the valuation in romantic relationship.
My values are intact without the romantic relationship.
If I want, I should go for easy relationship, not challenging ones that is doomed for failure.
Ironically, once I have this insight.
There was a breakthrough between Y and I.
He told me that he hate typing and chatting on phone. He only did it with me.
I told him the same for me too. Never in my life, have I ever chatted so long before.
I did it because thats what he wanted. He only message, he never call.
Whereas I called when I have to do so.
I am not sure of his issue...and I am not keen to know now.
What I know is that I am not taking this up.
No more...
I feel freed, I feel I have broken through...
The Issue - Guilt
Internal Influence - Suppression
External Influence - The Outsider
What to do - Sharing
Resolution -
Finally, I got back my values. My values are inside me I just need to recognised it. To remember the values are intact, they are not lost and I need not fill it with outside valuation.
No more.
Today, finally the door is open..
Amen.....
Father, thank you for sending Y into my life...
The chain of the past is finally broken,,,the door is open..and I finally walked out....
Now that I walked out...I can just be myself and share whenever I want to ....my values are intact...
And then I received a message that my friend in Ashram is chasing on my behalf for the pix of Vijii...
So lovely....
Yea..go for the easy one...
My 52-Day Period Card
The Four of Diamonds
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.
Soul
This 52 days...I am going to straighten my values.
No more swinging to Ace..,,just remember I am a Queen and reaffirmed it.
It will happen...
It can only happen especially with Sadhguru's grace..
Got this card..and I was wondering...how? where? what?
My Daily Card
The King of Diamonds
The King of Diamonds can often represent a successful business man, one who runs his own business, or a financial man such as a banker or stockbroker. He is successful and has a strong sense of values which have made him the success he is. So, when this card appears, you could have some dealings with someone like this or you could take on these qualities yourself.
The King of Diamonds often appears when we are ready to start our own business and it promises great success if we do. It is the highest card in the suit of money and values and as such bestows everything needed to make a success of some financial or business opportunity. When this card appears, don't let it go to waste. Find some way to be in business for yourself and go for it.
Towards evening, I suddenly realised how I compulsively created challenging romantic relationship for myself.
There were 2 issues:
Firstly, I wanted the challenges to prove the valuation for myself if I were to succeed. The riskier it is, the higher the valuation when I pass the challenge.
Secondly, with my Seven of Clubs; knowing the challenges, I began to visualise the negative outcome...and true enough negative outcome arise.
Thirdly, since the chances of failure is great and with the negative expectation - failure is assured ; so far I only faced failure. This failure then reaffirmed my perception of the low valuation I had....and hence I wallow in feeling unlovable..thinking it was my karma..
Well, no more...a few weeks ago I decided I won't compulsively feel the valuation in romantic relationship.
My values are intact without the romantic relationship.
If I want, I should go for easy relationship, not challenging ones that is doomed for failure.
Ironically, once I have this insight.
There was a breakthrough between Y and I.
He told me that he hate typing and chatting on phone. He only did it with me.
I told him the same for me too. Never in my life, have I ever chatted so long before.
I did it because thats what he wanted. He only message, he never call.
Whereas I called when I have to do so.
I am not sure of his issue...and I am not keen to know now.
What I know is that I am not taking this up.
No more...
I feel freed, I feel I have broken through...
The Issue - Guilt
Internal Influence - Suppression
External Influence - The Outsider
What to do - Sharing
Resolution -
Finally, I got back my values. My values are inside me I just need to recognised it. To remember the values are intact, they are not lost and I need not fill it with outside valuation.
No more.
Today, finally the door is open..
Amen.....
Father, thank you for sending Y into my life...
The chain of the past is finally broken,,,the door is open..and I finally walked out....
Now that I walked out...I can just be myself and share whenever I want to ....my values are intact...
And then I received a message that my friend in Ashram is chasing on my behalf for the pix of Vijii...
So lovely....
Yea..go for the easy one...
My 52-Day Period Card
The Four of Diamonds
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.
Soul
This 52 days...I am going to straighten my values.
No more swinging to Ace..,,just remember I am a Queen and reaffirmed it.
It will happen...
It can only happen especially with Sadhguru's grace..
Am I compulsively creating drama in my romantic life?
Dec 23 eve
Just now Pe shared that now at 60, she is scared to climb high stairs. Tot of me and Y; nope. don't want that to happen. I be forever messed in comparison. I m too insecure to handle it.
So if another older guy with similar values as Y, I will take the older guy.
No more challenges. I m slowly but surely realising that I will have a true loyal husband with me. The qualities of partners are improving.
Father, as I was updating my blog. I realised the difficulty Z must have faced in order to change his mind about us. Thats why it was a Pluto challenge for him.
Not only he has to change his issue on having children, issue on change of his culture, issue on changes to his family life. He lived and think in his own culture and dialect. On the outside he seems to be modern and he thinks he is modern but he is not. He is truly a traditional guy who wants to stick to his family life and his family culture.
Is something wrong with me?
Now that I no longer change jobs...why do I find such challenges in relationships?
Is something wrong with me???
Father, need some answers...
Father, thank you.
Why give myself all these stresses??
Ooh...so that I can be aware that I created them...
It is like Geneen Roth...creating dramas in her life and then complain about the dramas.
It is like we are compulsively creating the dramas.
I created challenging jobs because I needed the validation. I believed that I am only valuable if I am useful.
I created challenging relationships because I believed that I m not lovable enough..and so find challenging relationship and if I succeed I am truly lovable.
The failure rate is so damn high...
Then I complained about the failures...
This is ridiculous.....
From now on...no more difficult relationships.
It is my right to easy relationship just like it is my right to easy jobs.
I used to lament that why others can have easy jobs and I can't have.
The day I decided I no longer wants challenging jobs, easy job comes.
Infact now I can even work 3 days.
So, I am now changing my values...no more challenging relationships.
Better be alone than to have challenging relationships.
No more creation of misery for myself.
Just now Pe shared that now at 60, she is scared to climb high stairs. Tot of me and Y; nope. don't want that to happen. I be forever messed in comparison. I m too insecure to handle it.
So if another older guy with similar values as Y, I will take the older guy.
No more challenges. I m slowly but surely realising that I will have a true loyal husband with me. The qualities of partners are improving.
Father, as I was updating my blog. I realised the difficulty Z must have faced in order to change his mind about us. Thats why it was a Pluto challenge for him.
Not only he has to change his issue on having children, issue on change of his culture, issue on changes to his family life. He lived and think in his own culture and dialect. On the outside he seems to be modern and he thinks he is modern but he is not. He is truly a traditional guy who wants to stick to his family life and his family culture.
Is something wrong with me?
Now that I no longer change jobs...why do I find such challenges in relationships?
Is something wrong with me???
Father, need some answers...
Father, thank you.
Why give myself all these stresses??
Ooh...so that I can be aware that I created them...
It is like Geneen Roth...creating dramas in her life and then complain about the dramas.
It is like we are compulsively creating the dramas.
I created challenging jobs because I needed the validation. I believed that I am only valuable if I am useful.
I created challenging relationships because I believed that I m not lovable enough..and so find challenging relationship and if I succeed I am truly lovable.
The failure rate is so damn high...
Then I complained about the failures...
This is ridiculous.....
From now on...no more difficult relationships.
It is my right to easy relationship just like it is my right to easy jobs.
I used to lament that why others can have easy jobs and I can't have.
The day I decided I no longer wants challenging jobs, easy job comes.
Infact now I can even work 3 days.
So, I am now changing my values...no more challenging relationships.
Better be alone than to have challenging relationships.
No more creation of misery for myself.
I was conditioned to value emotional control
Dec 23 aft
Good day. Did my office work. Just when I said nope, compulsively or naturally I gave the Facebook link of desert to Y.
Not sure.
Anyway, I know its not to be. No longer wants to have challenging relationship especially with one who is not sure of himself yet. My wish is for someone like him but aged 40. And if the person eat seafood will be greater still.
Women, Food and God
Children are tropistic; they grow in the direction of light and attention. That which is ignored in childhood does not develop. If a child is valued for accomplishment than what she does more than who she is - and The Voice will step in when she is not fulfilling its accomplishment quota. If ur parents were unaware of that which couldn't be accomplished or seen or proved, u grew up ignoring those dimensions of yourself. And the Voice will step in as cynicism and doubt when u veer into the world beyond appearances.
The Voice saps u of strength, cuts u off at the knees, and positions u in a world modelled on past authority figures who bark directions that are often cruel and almost irrelevant to who you are and what u love. By co-opting ur clarity and objective knowing, The Voice renders u incapable of contacting ur own authority.
Soul
What is valued in my house is emotional control.
Putting myself in position of weakness, of being rejected is no no.
Always be the smart one; don't be on losing end.
Seeking for help is not good. Better to give help instead.
Power is responsibility.
No wonder I feel worst when I m in position of need instead of give.
So I make myself in position of give but then burnt out or resentful cos I gave too much without return.
Just because I m emotionally stable I had to accept friends who are unstable. Now I know I need not. My power are my own. I earned them. Others have to earned their own power too.
Women Food and God
When u disengage from The Voice, u have access to everything The Voice supposedly offer: clarity and intelligence and true discernment. Strength, value and joy. Compassion. Curiosity.
Love. Nothing is wrong because there is no right.
Since The Voice feels so much like u, and since u are utterly convinced that without it u would romp through life without restraint or morality, releasing urself from its grip takes a bit of time; it happens in stages.
U begin by naming The Voice and its effect on u. And while this sounds like an easy task, its more like pulling steel from a magnet. Often u are not aware that u are under the influences until u are reeling from its harangues. U notice that u felt like urself ten minutes ago, but now u feel like Superman after he's been exposed to Kryptonite by Lex Luthor; disappeared, diminished, weak, incapable, humiliated, ashamed.
Soul
So true. Especially in romantic relationship.
Good day. Did my office work. Just when I said nope, compulsively or naturally I gave the Facebook link of desert to Y.
Not sure.
Anyway, I know its not to be. No longer wants to have challenging relationship especially with one who is not sure of himself yet. My wish is for someone like him but aged 40. And if the person eat seafood will be greater still.
Women, Food and God
Children are tropistic; they grow in the direction of light and attention. That which is ignored in childhood does not develop. If a child is valued for accomplishment than what she does more than who she is - and The Voice will step in when she is not fulfilling its accomplishment quota. If ur parents were unaware of that which couldn't be accomplished or seen or proved, u grew up ignoring those dimensions of yourself. And the Voice will step in as cynicism and doubt when u veer into the world beyond appearances.
The Voice saps u of strength, cuts u off at the knees, and positions u in a world modelled on past authority figures who bark directions that are often cruel and almost irrelevant to who you are and what u love. By co-opting ur clarity and objective knowing, The Voice renders u incapable of contacting ur own authority.
Soul
What is valued in my house is emotional control.
Putting myself in position of weakness, of being rejected is no no.
Always be the smart one; don't be on losing end.
Seeking for help is not good. Better to give help instead.
Power is responsibility.
No wonder I feel worst when I m in position of need instead of give.
So I make myself in position of give but then burnt out or resentful cos I gave too much without return.
Just because I m emotionally stable I had to accept friends who are unstable. Now I know I need not. My power are my own. I earned them. Others have to earned their own power too.
Women Food and God
When u disengage from The Voice, u have access to everything The Voice supposedly offer: clarity and intelligence and true discernment. Strength, value and joy. Compassion. Curiosity.
Love. Nothing is wrong because there is no right.
Since The Voice feels so much like u, and since u are utterly convinced that without it u would romp through life without restraint or morality, releasing urself from its grip takes a bit of time; it happens in stages.
U begin by naming The Voice and its effect on u. And while this sounds like an easy task, its more like pulling steel from a magnet. Often u are not aware that u are under the influences until u are reeling from its harangues. U notice that u felt like urself ten minutes ago, but now u feel like Superman after he's been exposed to Kryptonite by Lex Luthor; disappeared, diminished, weak, incapable, humiliated, ashamed.
Soul
So true. Especially in romantic relationship.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Geneen Roth - Meditation is showing up what we already are
Dec 23
Woke up at 3.50 am, body feeling okay despite the cough drops. My throat is sore due to continous cough.
Guess pre-sleep Samyama helps.
Sang guru pooja to my shrine and did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. It was good, much better than expected after one week of little practice. Breathing was okay.
Shakti was good, towards the end some giggle followed by singing. A new song by Tracy Huang - I have been to paradise but not to me.
Time to drop the song on goodbye for summer. No more goodbyes for me.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end contentment silence, just watching my breathe and it was good. The energy was lovely.
Throughout the practices, a little tots of Y and a little tots of work.
Women, Food and God
Meditation
When u spend time watching the mind, u notice the familiar medleys and u notice what is noticing the medleys - the stillness that is apart from them. After awhile, the stillness feels more like u than the top ten medleys. U begin to love that which is not caught up in the hysteria. Love the stillness. Love the spaciousness. Love the peace. Meditation helps u discover what u love that u didn't know u loved because u were so caught up in ur mind that u didn't realise there was anything else there. The value of meditation is that it helps u first discover - and then u bring urself back to - what u love.
Soul
Amen.
Women, Food and God
The kind of meditation I refer to has nothing to do with transcending or leaving or changing urself in any way - and everything to do with its opposite: showing up where u already are.
Meditation is a tool to shake urself awake. A way to discover what u love. A practice to return urself to ur body when the mind medleys threaten to usurp ur sanity.
Soul
Yes, I m not looking at transcending. I m just looking to be my true self.
Women, Food and God
Our minds are masters at blame, but our bodies ... our bodies don't lie. Which is, of course, why so many of us learned to zip out of them at the first sign of trouble.
Since children experience emotional pain in and through their bodies, and since there were no resources for releasing that pain, we become skilled at getting out of Dodge - bolting - in a hurry. In developing the skill to leave our bodies, we avoided being destroyed by the onslaught of potentially fragmenting pain. It was a life saving exit.
But the fast track up and out of the physicality has become maladaptive for two main reasons: it truncates our ability to feel and therefore to move through the situations that arise in our lives. If u don't allow a feeling to begin, u also don't let it end.
Soul
I still have difficulty in staying in my emotions.
I no longer run but still resisting to feel.
Women, Food and God
One breathe and then another One step and then another. It's that simple. And it doesn't matter how long you've been gone; what matters is that you've returned. With each return, each sound, each felt sensation, there is relaxation, recognition and gratitude. Soon u begin to wonder where you have been all this time. How u wandered so far. And you realised that the torture isn't having these arms or legs; it's being so convinced that God is out there, in another place, another realm that u miss the lavender slip of moon, ur awakened presence.
Soul
Reminder to do breathe watching hourly
Woke up at 3.50 am, body feeling okay despite the cough drops. My throat is sore due to continous cough.
Guess pre-sleep Samyama helps.
Sang guru pooja to my shrine and did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. It was good, much better than expected after one week of little practice. Breathing was okay.
Shakti was good, towards the end some giggle followed by singing. A new song by Tracy Huang - I have been to paradise but not to me.
Time to drop the song on goodbye for summer. No more goodbyes for me.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end contentment silence, just watching my breathe and it was good. The energy was lovely.
Throughout the practices, a little tots of Y and a little tots of work.
Women, Food and God
Meditation
When u spend time watching the mind, u notice the familiar medleys and u notice what is noticing the medleys - the stillness that is apart from them. After awhile, the stillness feels more like u than the top ten medleys. U begin to love that which is not caught up in the hysteria. Love the stillness. Love the spaciousness. Love the peace. Meditation helps u discover what u love that u didn't know u loved because u were so caught up in ur mind that u didn't realise there was anything else there. The value of meditation is that it helps u first discover - and then u bring urself back to - what u love.
Soul
Amen.
Women, Food and God
The kind of meditation I refer to has nothing to do with transcending or leaving or changing urself in any way - and everything to do with its opposite: showing up where u already are.
Meditation is a tool to shake urself awake. A way to discover what u love. A practice to return urself to ur body when the mind medleys threaten to usurp ur sanity.
Soul
Yes, I m not looking at transcending. I m just looking to be my true self.
Women, Food and God
Our minds are masters at blame, but our bodies ... our bodies don't lie. Which is, of course, why so many of us learned to zip out of them at the first sign of trouble.
Since children experience emotional pain in and through their bodies, and since there were no resources for releasing that pain, we become skilled at getting out of Dodge - bolting - in a hurry. In developing the skill to leave our bodies, we avoided being destroyed by the onslaught of potentially fragmenting pain. It was a life saving exit.
But the fast track up and out of the physicality has become maladaptive for two main reasons: it truncates our ability to feel and therefore to move through the situations that arise in our lives. If u don't allow a feeling to begin, u also don't let it end.
Soul
I still have difficulty in staying in my emotions.
I no longer run but still resisting to feel.
Women, Food and God
One breathe and then another One step and then another. It's that simple. And it doesn't matter how long you've been gone; what matters is that you've returned. With each return, each sound, each felt sensation, there is relaxation, recognition and gratitude. Soon u begin to wonder where you have been all this time. How u wandered so far. And you realised that the torture isn't having these arms or legs; it's being so convinced that God is out there, in another place, another realm that u miss the lavender slip of moon, ur awakened presence.
Soul
Reminder to do breathe watching hourly
Feelings..once I faced them with curiousity instead of judgement..they are not longer fearful
Dec 22 eve
Received a call from M. Sad to hear that she is going through tough patch in just 3 months after marriage. Husband and in law giving her cold treatment. She was a free spirited gal and now this. True enough she regretted that she got married.
My first tot was to share this with Y. Then I stopped myself. He is no longer here. He already said he is fed up with our sharing of spiritual matters. Anyway, just let this be. I just had a major breakthrough today that relationship based on physical or mental can't flourish. So now I want an emotional and spiritual one. No more compulsions on going after the wrong guy. Y has certain values that fit mine but not the right guy. My Ruling first karmic Two of Diamonds is over, let's not relive it. Let's me live with my Destiny second karmic Nine of Diamonds - letting go when the relationship has fulfilled its purpose. Y was here to enable final closure on Z. Let's not turn Y into something else.
Today a breakthrough, I told M about my wish for a partner from Isha. I also said that my partner is going with me to Kailash next year. She didn't laugh at me, she was happy for my wish.
Women, Food and God
When I m willing to question and therefore feel whatever is there - terror, hatred, anger - with curiosity, the feeling relax, because they are met with kindness and openness instead of resistance and rejection.
To the degree that my feelings are familiar, that I have felt them before in similar situations - feeling left out, rejected, abandoned - the willingness to allow them offers a completely different scenario than the situations in which they first developed.
Recurrent negative feelings - those that loop in the same cycles again and again without changing - are unmet knots of our past that got frozen in time for the precise reason that our past got frozen in time for the precise reason that they were not met with kindness or acceptance.
All any feelings wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It want to dissolve like a thousand writhing snake that with a flick of kindness becomes harmless strands of rope.
Soul
Father, I was disappointed at how Y and I turned out or rather how it ended unexpectedly. But then what else can happen when he is not the right one.
Yes, I got compulsion to cling out of fear of lack. Let me have faith in abundance of partners that are seeking me too.
Received a call from M. Sad to hear that she is going through tough patch in just 3 months after marriage. Husband and in law giving her cold treatment. She was a free spirited gal and now this. True enough she regretted that she got married.
My first tot was to share this with Y. Then I stopped myself. He is no longer here. He already said he is fed up with our sharing of spiritual matters. Anyway, just let this be. I just had a major breakthrough today that relationship based on physical or mental can't flourish. So now I want an emotional and spiritual one. No more compulsions on going after the wrong guy. Y has certain values that fit mine but not the right guy. My Ruling first karmic Two of Diamonds is over, let's not relive it. Let's me live with my Destiny second karmic Nine of Diamonds - letting go when the relationship has fulfilled its purpose. Y was here to enable final closure on Z. Let's not turn Y into something else.
Today a breakthrough, I told M about my wish for a partner from Isha. I also said that my partner is going with me to Kailash next year. She didn't laugh at me, she was happy for my wish.
Women, Food and God
When I m willing to question and therefore feel whatever is there - terror, hatred, anger - with curiosity, the feeling relax, because they are met with kindness and openness instead of resistance and rejection.
To the degree that my feelings are familiar, that I have felt them before in similar situations - feeling left out, rejected, abandoned - the willingness to allow them offers a completely different scenario than the situations in which they first developed.
Recurrent negative feelings - those that loop in the same cycles again and again without changing - are unmet knots of our past that got frozen in time for the precise reason that our past got frozen in time for the precise reason that they were not met with kindness or acceptance.
All any feelings wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It want to dissolve like a thousand writhing snake that with a flick of kindness becomes harmless strands of rope.
Soul
Father, I was disappointed at how Y and I turned out or rather how it ended unexpectedly. But then what else can happen when he is not the right one.
Yes, I got compulsion to cling out of fear of lack. Let me have faith in abundance of partners that are seeking me too.
Just have to live through my emotion...it can't destroy me
Dec 22 aft
Mystic Musing
Ur energies, according to ur karmic structure, are apportioned different possibilities. There is something for ur pain. There is something for ur grief. There's something for ur joy. There's something for ur love. This is Pradabha karma. It is not just in ur mind, because the data is like that; the energy is flowing in those directions. If those things doesn't find full expression, if u deny them, they will take root in completely different way.
If u deprive urself of any experience - whether it is pain, suffering, joy or whatever it is - if u avoid it, that is big karma. If u go through it, it not so much of a karma.
Every living moment of ur life, if u live it totally, u dissolve enormous amount of karma. Living totally doesn't meant just having fun. Anything and everything that comes, u just experience it fully, intensely.
Soul
A reminder to just stay and go through it.
Just experience it fully.
I am glad I didn't get to see doctor to numb myself with medication/sleep.
Just faced it.
Need not bolt, need not numb myself.
Just faced it.
Just need to remember Y is not the goal; my Self is the goal.
Was updating my blog and saw this:
G shared with me her first one was physical, her second one was mental. With her husband it was both physical and mental. With her husband, it was very fast. By third date, she already shift in with him.
I m glad for her visit. I already decided this morning that Y is not meant for me. I want my real partner , my husband. I want the one I have spiritual connection too. Now I can see that Y's spiritual experience is not as deep as mine.
Soul
Thats great..
The next one be both physical and mental and spiritual too.
Actually it has to be spiritual first and emotion...
Physical and mental can take a back stand...I have enough of that.
I now realised that I want both spiritual and emotional; only with that relationship can grow.
Physical and mental doesn't help in relationship to grow.
This is truly great....
Yes, Z and I can't grow cos it was a physical relationship
Y and I can't grow cos it was a mental relationship.
The next one to be on emotion and spiritual; then i will truly prosper...
Father, finally I can see the relationship with Y is just only mental and nothing more...
The karma is broken.
It is broken cos I was not making him into the partner; I wanted to see the relationship as it is.
Father, I feel the veil is lifted.
I called him just now...but he didn't pick up.
Alas....I know now...I feel freed...
Since the veil is lifted, we chatted and he just said that he is not always thinking of his spiritual goals. He said we are both asking and answering on spiritual matters. He said he was exasperated that I am analysing him. Glad that is all cleared.
Father, the attraction has dimmed for me....
Totally unexpected....
The karma is broken...relationships has lost it hold on me.
Mystic Musing
Ur energies, according to ur karmic structure, are apportioned different possibilities. There is something for ur pain. There is something for ur grief. There's something for ur joy. There's something for ur love. This is Pradabha karma. It is not just in ur mind, because the data is like that; the energy is flowing in those directions. If those things doesn't find full expression, if u deny them, they will take root in completely different way.
If u deprive urself of any experience - whether it is pain, suffering, joy or whatever it is - if u avoid it, that is big karma. If u go through it, it not so much of a karma.
Every living moment of ur life, if u live it totally, u dissolve enormous amount of karma. Living totally doesn't meant just having fun. Anything and everything that comes, u just experience it fully, intensely.
Soul
A reminder to just stay and go through it.
Just experience it fully.
I am glad I didn't get to see doctor to numb myself with medication/sleep.
Just faced it.
Need not bolt, need not numb myself.
Just faced it.
Just need to remember Y is not the goal; my Self is the goal.
Was updating my blog and saw this:
G shared with me her first one was physical, her second one was mental. With her husband it was both physical and mental. With her husband, it was very fast. By third date, she already shift in with him.
I m glad for her visit. I already decided this morning that Y is not meant for me. I want my real partner , my husband. I want the one I have spiritual connection too. Now I can see that Y's spiritual experience is not as deep as mine.
Soul
Thats great..
The next one be both physical and mental and spiritual too.
Actually it has to be spiritual first and emotion...
Physical and mental can take a back stand...I have enough of that.
I now realised that I want both spiritual and emotional; only with that relationship can grow.
Physical and mental doesn't help in relationship to grow.
This is truly great....
Yes, Z and I can't grow cos it was a physical relationship
Y and I can't grow cos it was a mental relationship.
The next one to be on emotion and spiritual; then i will truly prosper...
Father, finally I can see the relationship with Y is just only mental and nothing more...
The karma is broken.
It is broken cos I was not making him into the partner; I wanted to see the relationship as it is.
Father, I feel the veil is lifted.
I called him just now...but he didn't pick up.
Alas....I know now...I feel freed...
Since the veil is lifted, we chatted and he just said that he is not always thinking of his spiritual goals. He said we are both asking and answering on spiritual matters. He said he was exasperated that I am analysing him. Glad that is all cleared.
Father, the attraction has dimmed for me....
Totally unexpected....
The karma is broken...relationships has lost it hold on me.
Unconsciously getting sick with medication is a away I numb myself
Dec 22
Slept early before 10 pm yesterday cos had a slight fever; can feel the ache on my left part body.
Woke up around 4 plus am but body still aching and mucus in my left eyes. I slept back and wake up again around 6 am. Left eyes bit red and some mucus. Took a nice cold shower and did my practices.
At first tot only to do go guru pooja for the shrine. Later continue to breathing...it was very nice, feeling the energy. Didn't want to stop and continue with Shakti and Shambavi. Since body is not so well, there were some fleeting tots of Y and office matters. Didn't fly in Shakti. Shambavi was nice...just silence in the end.
After the practices, redness in left eyes reduced and body feel less heaty.
At first tot of seeing a doctor but mom was at the corner and advised me not to. I then realised that it is compulsion for me to fall sick, take medication and sleep so I don't have to face the emotion. Yes, the emotion on Y. I got attached to him already but truly I don't want this to happen. He is not ready for any relationships; and definitely not with me. And I want someone who is truly ready. No more long distance, I want someone here with me.
From Facebook
The people who wants to stay in ur life will always find a way.
I had accepted the fact that Y is out. To my surprise, Y messaged me to ask how I am. I saw the message after Shoonya but was not keen to revert as he took a long while asking about me. But half an hour later I did and I also send him a pix from Facebook.
Today Neptune card.
King of Clubs
The King of Clubs is the highest card in the suit of knowledge. It bestows mastery and success in any of the communications fields, but especially in situations where we are able and willing to take a leadership position or assume responsibility. Remember that every King has a kingdom. If you are involved in one of the communications related fields and are willing to stand up and take charge, there is no better card to indicate your success.
The King of Clubs is highly intuitive, can make fine mental distinctions, and will never do anything to compromise his or her integrity or inner truth. Keep these qualities in mind whenever this powerful card appears in your reading.
Soul
Mmm, everytime I said nope, to close the door. I opened it.
I am now wondering whether that is compulsive...
Am I seeking validation??
Maybe not..when he reverted, my first reaction was to close door...
Father, I am confused.
Which way to turn?
Actually, we can't be....and yet we are...
Suddenly tot of Z..,.he was worldly smart..he make sure he doesn't get attached to me....
Whereas I am not smart..
Neither is Y...but I think he begin to realise and hence he is pulling me back.
Me, I am just staying...I only respond when he initiate...
Now updating blog and saw this;
Mystic musing
Samyama
Once a person moves into a higher level of awareness and a certain direction is there, naturally the unconscious becomes conscious. That's why we called it Karma Samyama. It is an enormously liberating experience.
Samyama is to teach u to become meditative with eyes open. We start with eyes closed and we slowly move people to a state where they open their eyes partially, then fully, then get active with everything and just maintaining the same awareness. So once u are able to maintain that awareness with eyes open and with activity, then the question of creating karma does not arise. It is just rapid dissolution. If one establishes himself in the Samyama state, dissolution happens.
Soul
A good reminder to do Samyama...
A sense of calm comes over me.
Slept early before 10 pm yesterday cos had a slight fever; can feel the ache on my left part body.
Woke up around 4 plus am but body still aching and mucus in my left eyes. I slept back and wake up again around 6 am. Left eyes bit red and some mucus. Took a nice cold shower and did my practices.
At first tot only to do go guru pooja for the shrine. Later continue to breathing...it was very nice, feeling the energy. Didn't want to stop and continue with Shakti and Shambavi. Since body is not so well, there were some fleeting tots of Y and office matters. Didn't fly in Shakti. Shambavi was nice...just silence in the end.
After the practices, redness in left eyes reduced and body feel less heaty.
At first tot of seeing a doctor but mom was at the corner and advised me not to. I then realised that it is compulsion for me to fall sick, take medication and sleep so I don't have to face the emotion. Yes, the emotion on Y. I got attached to him already but truly I don't want this to happen. He is not ready for any relationships; and definitely not with me. And I want someone who is truly ready. No more long distance, I want someone here with me.
From Facebook
The people who wants to stay in ur life will always find a way.
I had accepted the fact that Y is out. To my surprise, Y messaged me to ask how I am. I saw the message after Shoonya but was not keen to revert as he took a long while asking about me. But half an hour later I did and I also send him a pix from Facebook.
Today Neptune card.
King of Clubs
The King of Clubs is the highest card in the suit of knowledge. It bestows mastery and success in any of the communications fields, but especially in situations where we are able and willing to take a leadership position or assume responsibility. Remember that every King has a kingdom. If you are involved in one of the communications related fields and are willing to stand up and take charge, there is no better card to indicate your success.
The King of Clubs is highly intuitive, can make fine mental distinctions, and will never do anything to compromise his or her integrity or inner truth. Keep these qualities in mind whenever this powerful card appears in your reading.
Soul
Mmm, everytime I said nope, to close the door. I opened it.
I am now wondering whether that is compulsive...
Am I seeking validation??
Maybe not..when he reverted, my first reaction was to close door...
Father, I am confused.
Which way to turn?
Actually, we can't be....and yet we are...
Suddenly tot of Z..,.he was worldly smart..he make sure he doesn't get attached to me....
Whereas I am not smart..
Neither is Y...but I think he begin to realise and hence he is pulling me back.
Me, I am just staying...I only respond when he initiate...
Now updating blog and saw this;
Mystic musing
Samyama
Once a person moves into a higher level of awareness and a certain direction is there, naturally the unconscious becomes conscious. That's why we called it Karma Samyama. It is an enormously liberating experience.
Samyama is to teach u to become meditative with eyes open. We start with eyes closed and we slowly move people to a state where they open their eyes partially, then fully, then get active with everything and just maintaining the same awareness. So once u are able to maintain that awareness with eyes open and with activity, then the question of creating karma does not arise. It is just rapid dissolution. If one establishes himself in the Samyama state, dissolution happens.
Soul
A good reminder to do Samyama...
A sense of calm comes over me.
Saying yes to myself at times means no to others
Dec 21 eve
Sang guru pooja and did Shakti.
Couldn't really focus that well cos body was aching. Having slight fever.
Drove to friend place but turned back half way cos body was aching and with the traffic jam it will take me at least one hour to reach there.
I just couldn't put myself through it. Then the other friend with family also not coming; left me alone.
Immediately I said I m not coming too. I followed up with a call. Truly a new me..the old me would have plough on. The new me is no longer afraid of turning back.
Sang guru pooja and did Shakti.
Couldn't really focus that well cos body was aching. Having slight fever.
Drove to friend place but turned back half way cos body was aching and with the traffic jam it will take me at least one hour to reach there.
I just couldn't put myself through it. Then the other friend with family also not coming; left me alone.
Immediately I said I m not coming too. I followed up with a call. Truly a new me..the old me would have plough on. The new me is no longer afraid of turning back.
Anything can happen in one day - can see the positive side of all my Sevens
Dec 21 aft 1
Got this from Facebook
We are born in one day.
We die in one day.
We can change in one day.
And we can fall in love in one day.
Anything can happen in just one day.
Soul
Yea, I believed in it.
I avoided Dhynalinga for many years and one day I just fell in love with It.
So, my past been dictating my reactions in relationships and now one day I just overturned it.
No longer believed in rejection anymore. No longer believed that I am unlovable.
Y told me that he was exasperated cos I was asking him questions to analyse him. True in a way ....but then he does that too..otherwise he won't think I am doing that. He is also changed his whatsapp disclosure time so I won't know he read my message. He don't want me to analyse him; to know him...
I feel freed.
Just now I told him that I tot of inviting him to An's place for Christmas do. But since he is on strict diet, decided not to.
Father, yeas...he can be who he is...and I can be too.
Slowly but surely appreciating Seven of Hearts.
Instead of seeing its challenges, I can now see its positivity.
12 Symptoms of Spiritual
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything.
Soul
I am on track.
I will do what I want. Express what I want...
52 Mars in Destiny
The Seven of Diamonds
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Soul
Yes, I can finally appreciate this.
Now that I know it is my fear...just see it, feel the past and then do the Now.
Alas, finally can see and appreciate Sevens....and I have loads in my life.
Father, I used to say that you are not fair; giving me loads of challenges.
Now for the first time I can see that you truly love me....and just want to re-teach me the abundance that I have inside me, that is all hidden and covered up.
Today I saw my fear. I transform it...and turn it into fearlessness and personal freedom.
Alas, finally can appreciate the Courage card that I received quite frequently.
Courage
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous to grow into the flower u meant to be.
Soul
Yes, I am flower...thats why I was given the Sevens...
Now updating my blog. Wrote this back in Dec 3...really true..alas I got it.
Now I know why Courage is needed. It not to pursue or to get Y but to face and overcome my fear. Amen.
And this time while the attraction is great and the probability of success is unknown. I still do cos I m following my attraction, my wants instead of avoiding my fear. I no longer follow my fears. I follow happiness.
Soul
The Seven of Diamonds is not to get Y but to face and overcome my fear of rejection; which was totally misguided. My valuation is intact and rejection can't affect it. And rejection is not a personal reflection of me; it is also a reflection of the other person. Thats all.
It is just like job interview. It is not a reflection of me; it is a question of mutual fit; a question of the other person's courage too for change as I am definitely a change agent.
Got this from Facebook
We are born in one day.
We die in one day.
We can change in one day.
And we can fall in love in one day.
Anything can happen in just one day.
Soul
Yea, I believed in it.
I avoided Dhynalinga for many years and one day I just fell in love with It.
So, my past been dictating my reactions in relationships and now one day I just overturned it.
No longer believed in rejection anymore. No longer believed that I am unlovable.
Y told me that he was exasperated cos I was asking him questions to analyse him. True in a way ....but then he does that too..otherwise he won't think I am doing that. He is also changed his whatsapp disclosure time so I won't know he read my message. He don't want me to analyse him; to know him...
I feel freed.
Just now I told him that I tot of inviting him to An's place for Christmas do. But since he is on strict diet, decided not to.
Father, yeas...he can be who he is...and I can be too.
Slowly but surely appreciating Seven of Hearts.
Instead of seeing its challenges, I can now see its positivity.
12 Symptoms of Spiritual
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything.
Soul
I am on track.
I will do what I want. Express what I want...
52 Mars in Destiny
The Seven of Diamonds
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Soul
Yes, I can finally appreciate this.
Now that I know it is my fear...just see it, feel the past and then do the Now.
Alas, finally can see and appreciate Sevens....and I have loads in my life.
Father, I used to say that you are not fair; giving me loads of challenges.
Now for the first time I can see that you truly love me....and just want to re-teach me the abundance that I have inside me, that is all hidden and covered up.
Today I saw my fear. I transform it...and turn it into fearlessness and personal freedom.
Alas, finally can appreciate the Courage card that I received quite frequently.
Courage
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous to grow into the flower u meant to be.
Soul
Yes, I am flower...thats why I was given the Sevens...
Now updating my blog. Wrote this back in Dec 3...really true..alas I got it.
Now I know why Courage is needed. It not to pursue or to get Y but to face and overcome my fear. Amen.
And this time while the attraction is great and the probability of success is unknown. I still do cos I m following my attraction, my wants instead of avoiding my fear. I no longer follow my fears. I follow happiness.
Soul
The Seven of Diamonds is not to get Y but to face and overcome my fear of rejection; which was totally misguided. My valuation is intact and rejection can't affect it. And rejection is not a personal reflection of me; it is also a reflection of the other person. Thats all.
It is just like job interview. It is not a reflection of me; it is a question of mutual fit; a question of the other person's courage too for change as I am definitely a change agent.
Taking charge of my Seven of Clubs
Dec 21 aft
Mmm, reading my blog. I tot the bubble with Y will burst 3 weeks ago but it didn't. This is second time. Do I always bolt like this?
Mmm, Seven of Hearts. Looking at myself. Yes, it is challenging but it is also spiritual. It is challenging cos it forced me to face my fear. But now that I no longer see other lack of response as a personal valuation, the pain is lesser. Suddenly occur to me. Take this relationships as my spiritual path.
Without any hesitation I just messaged Y. I now realised he is asking me a question. And me in my disappointment, crawl back into my shell and I couldn't respond. But I can now. He just wanted some answer. I guess I should feel okay that he sees that I can help him. He is just a fellow in my spiritual path.
Mmm, I am back on track. Glad I didn't go back to the past.
Today I acted like a King of Spades. I took charge. I didn't see his lack of response as rejection. I see it as him facing some issue. True enough, he is disturbed that he is not on track.
But now I need to have parameters enforced and put him in the right place. From today onward, he will be just like A to me. Like A, Y just need more nudge as his path is deeper and he got more dilemma. Besides he is a Ten.
Today's Uranus card.
Unexpected events may rock your expectations but also brings in good things that you have never thought about.
My Daily Card
The King of Spades
The King of Spades is the final, and most powerful card in the deck, representing both mastery of one's environment and one's self. Whenever this card appears you can bet that you will experience good fortune and results.
It is especially good for legal matters and business but can be applied to any area of life for success. It is truly the card of 'success in all things' but brings the most blessings to those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for their life and work and who can take a leadership position in their work. Remember this is a King we are talking about and every King has a kingdom.
Be prepared to take a leadership role and to live by your own wisdom when this potent card appears. Success is yours for the taking, but you have to stand up and claim it.
Soul
I did it, I was a King today.
Instead of wallowing in past tots of being unlovable and go crawling into my shell. I took charge and behold, Y truly was not the one...there was nothing lost.
He just want some answers. I am his Cosmic Reward card and just here to show the way. We obviously know each other in our past lives as we can be so comfortable in our inner tots. We can share without feeling being sidelined, ridiculed or misunderstood.
Y has helped me to see that my relationship with Z was just sexual. Y has helped me to close the door on Z completely. So, now me to return the favour; thats all.
Father, i feel i have mastered myself today. This is totally unexpected.
Mmm, reading my blog. I tot the bubble with Y will burst 3 weeks ago but it didn't. This is second time. Do I always bolt like this?
Mmm, Seven of Hearts. Looking at myself. Yes, it is challenging but it is also spiritual. It is challenging cos it forced me to face my fear. But now that I no longer see other lack of response as a personal valuation, the pain is lesser. Suddenly occur to me. Take this relationships as my spiritual path.
Without any hesitation I just messaged Y. I now realised he is asking me a question. And me in my disappointment, crawl back into my shell and I couldn't respond. But I can now. He just wanted some answer. I guess I should feel okay that he sees that I can help him. He is just a fellow in my spiritual path.
Mmm, I am back on track. Glad I didn't go back to the past.
Today I acted like a King of Spades. I took charge. I didn't see his lack of response as rejection. I see it as him facing some issue. True enough, he is disturbed that he is not on track.
But now I need to have parameters enforced and put him in the right place. From today onward, he will be just like A to me. Like A, Y just need more nudge as his path is deeper and he got more dilemma. Besides he is a Ten.
Today's Uranus card.
Unexpected events may rock your expectations but also brings in good things that you have never thought about.
My Daily Card
The King of Spades
The King of Spades is the final, and most powerful card in the deck, representing both mastery of one's environment and one's self. Whenever this card appears you can bet that you will experience good fortune and results.
It is especially good for legal matters and business but can be applied to any area of life for success. It is truly the card of 'success in all things' but brings the most blessings to those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for their life and work and who can take a leadership position in their work. Remember this is a King we are talking about and every King has a kingdom.
Be prepared to take a leadership role and to live by your own wisdom when this potent card appears. Success is yours for the taking, but you have to stand up and claim it.
Soul
I did it, I was a King today.
Instead of wallowing in past tots of being unlovable and go crawling into my shell. I took charge and behold, Y truly was not the one...there was nothing lost.
He just want some answers. I am his Cosmic Reward card and just here to show the way. We obviously know each other in our past lives as we can be so comfortable in our inner tots. We can share without feeling being sidelined, ridiculed or misunderstood.
Y has helped me to see that my relationship with Z was just sexual. Y has helped me to close the door on Z completely. So, now me to return the favour; thats all.
Father, i feel i have mastered myself today. This is totally unexpected.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Another hiccup with Y
Dec 21
Woke up 5.45 am to go with sisters to see a skin specialist. Didn't do my practices today.
Lovely trees, so alive and green. My energy level is good. This trip I did 3 days of practices which is amazing. As I was driving to cafe just now, suddenly fall into Samyama mode.
Just did afternoon Shoonya.
Alas Y messaged me on something...which I don't know how to respond so I messaged him back with a pix of my lunch. He didn't respond and moments later I replied that he can do what he wants.
Mmm, alas we finally come to an impasse..that is expected. We are both mentally attracted to each other. But this route is someplace we both can't go..too much obstacles. Great I saw my Ruling and Destiny challenge of Two of Hearts and Three of Hearts.
So, just now instead of dwelling on Y, who is not the right guy anyway, I just said to Linga, that I want someone like Y for my husband. I want the mental compatibility I have with him. I also want the physical compatibility that I had with Z. The good thing is that both Y and Z has the same family values that I wanted. So, I am attracting what I am. No more dwelling over wrong ones...
Today's Uranus card.
Unexpected events may rock your expectations but also brings in good things that you have never thought about.
My Daily Card
The King of Spades
The King of Spades is the final, and most powerful card in the deck, representing both mastery of one's environment and one's self. Whenever this card appears you can bet that you will experience good fortune and results.
It is especially good for legal matters and business but can be applied to any area of life for success. It is truly the card of 'success in all things' but brings the most blessings to those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for their life and work and who can take a leadership position in their work. Remember this is a King we are talking about and every King has a kingdom.
Be prepared to take a leadership role and to live by your own wisdom when this potent card appears. Success is yours for the taking, but you have to stand up and claim it.
Soul
I had tot Y and I would die down when I was in oversea but our interaction continues. Didn't expect it to die down today. Bit disappointed. I know I m suppressing my sadness. But nothing I can do. I no longer want to go back there. Okay, just feel it. The more I suppressed the nose becomes blocked. Yea, I have feeling of sadness, felt that I lost him. We were interacting about one month plus. Feel it and let the feeling be. Yes, I feel sad.
Woke up 5.45 am to go with sisters to see a skin specialist. Didn't do my practices today.
Lovely trees, so alive and green. My energy level is good. This trip I did 3 days of practices which is amazing. As I was driving to cafe just now, suddenly fall into Samyama mode.
Just did afternoon Shoonya.
Alas Y messaged me on something...which I don't know how to respond so I messaged him back with a pix of my lunch. He didn't respond and moments later I replied that he can do what he wants.
Mmm, alas we finally come to an impasse..that is expected. We are both mentally attracted to each other. But this route is someplace we both can't go..too much obstacles. Great I saw my Ruling and Destiny challenge of Two of Hearts and Three of Hearts.
So, just now instead of dwelling on Y, who is not the right guy anyway, I just said to Linga, that I want someone like Y for my husband. I want the mental compatibility I have with him. I also want the physical compatibility that I had with Z. The good thing is that both Y and Z has the same family values that I wanted. So, I am attracting what I am. No more dwelling over wrong ones...
Today's Uranus card.
Unexpected events may rock your expectations but also brings in good things that you have never thought about.
My Daily Card
The King of Spades
The King of Spades is the final, and most powerful card in the deck, representing both mastery of one's environment and one's self. Whenever this card appears you can bet that you will experience good fortune and results.
It is especially good for legal matters and business but can be applied to any area of life for success. It is truly the card of 'success in all things' but brings the most blessings to those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for their life and work and who can take a leadership position in their work. Remember this is a King we are talking about and every King has a kingdom.
Be prepared to take a leadership role and to live by your own wisdom when this potent card appears. Success is yours for the taking, but you have to stand up and claim it.
Soul
I had tot Y and I would die down when I was in oversea but our interaction continues. Didn't expect it to die down today. Bit disappointed. I know I m suppressing my sadness. But nothing I can do. I no longer want to go back there. Okay, just feel it. The more I suppressed the nose becomes blocked. Yea, I have feeling of sadness, felt that I lost him. We were interacting about one month plus. Feel it and let the feeling be. Yes, I feel sad.
Cancer in December 2013 coincide with Four of Diamonds
Dec 20 eve 2
Cancer in Dec by Jan Spiller.
On December 21st, the Sun moves into Capricorn and this date also represents the Winter Solstice. This marks the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere and begins a season of reflection and rebirth. This is an ideal time for slowing down and considering your life path.
The Capricorn Sun will shine on your 7th house of relationship which can help you to consider long term commitments. Do you feel strong within your friendships and close partnerships? If attached, how do you envision your relationship in the future? If single, do you imagine building a lasting partnership?
The answer to these questions can help to shape your goals over the months to come. Capricorn is the sign of the “builder,” which signifies taking a slow and deliberate approach towards your relationships. By all means, use your emotional skills to guide your path, Cancer. However, recognize the benefits of including some practical calculations into your formula.
Soul
Very true.
This is my 52 days period of Four of Diamonds and Four of Hearts in Jupiter.
Destiny
Four of Diamonds / Three of Hearts
Four of Diamonds (sound values bring financial stability)
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus when this card shows up, it usually means that we have become clear on what we want and then we get it.
Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and u may have a good foundation upon which u can begin building a financial future.
This is one of the best money cards that u can have. It indicates success and prosperity in all business affairs or satisfaction in a large investment. Business expansion are favoured at this time as u should see good returns from all ur past efforts at this time. U will make steady progress and sticking with ur original plans now. This is a card of financial protection against any other influences, so don't worry.
Ruling
Four of Hearts / Two of Diamond.
Four of Hearts (stability in love and home)
A sign of protection in love, marriage and family. It represent one's marriage and the foundation of love upon which a family and life can be built.
This influence combines love with money for success in many areas. Social success can bring financial gain and promotion. U could have much pleasure in making and spending money now. U may even marry into money under this influence.
Ur own marriage could be bringing u many benefits, both spiritual and material, at this time. Jupiter's beneficial and expansive influence will help u see the bigger picture of just how wonderful life can be.
Two of Diamonds (wheeling and dealing)
Signifies that a money partnership of some kind will be playing a role in ur life. This could be a standard business partnership or something out of the ordinary, but it will certainly have something to do with money.
Two of Diamonds is my Ruling card's Displacement.
Cancer in Dec by Jan Spiller.
On December 21st, the Sun moves into Capricorn and this date also represents the Winter Solstice. This marks the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere and begins a season of reflection and rebirth. This is an ideal time for slowing down and considering your life path.
The Capricorn Sun will shine on your 7th house of relationship which can help you to consider long term commitments. Do you feel strong within your friendships and close partnerships? If attached, how do you envision your relationship in the future? If single, do you imagine building a lasting partnership?
The answer to these questions can help to shape your goals over the months to come. Capricorn is the sign of the “builder,” which signifies taking a slow and deliberate approach towards your relationships. By all means, use your emotional skills to guide your path, Cancer. However, recognize the benefits of including some practical calculations into your formula.
Soul
Very true.
This is my 52 days period of Four of Diamonds and Four of Hearts in Jupiter.
Destiny
Four of Diamonds / Three of Hearts
Four of Diamonds (sound values bring financial stability)
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus when this card shows up, it usually means that we have become clear on what we want and then we get it.
Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and u may have a good foundation upon which u can begin building a financial future.
This is one of the best money cards that u can have. It indicates success and prosperity in all business affairs or satisfaction in a large investment. Business expansion are favoured at this time as u should see good returns from all ur past efforts at this time. U will make steady progress and sticking with ur original plans now. This is a card of financial protection against any other influences, so don't worry.
Ruling
Four of Hearts / Two of Diamond.
Four of Hearts (stability in love and home)
A sign of protection in love, marriage and family. It represent one's marriage and the foundation of love upon which a family and life can be built.
This influence combines love with money for success in many areas. Social success can bring financial gain and promotion. U could have much pleasure in making and spending money now. U may even marry into money under this influence.
Ur own marriage could be bringing u many benefits, both spiritual and material, at this time. Jupiter's beneficial and expansive influence will help u see the bigger picture of just how wonderful life can be.
Two of Diamonds (wheeling and dealing)
Signifies that a money partnership of some kind will be playing a role in ur life. This could be a standard business partnership or something out of the ordinary, but it will certainly have something to do with money.
Two of Diamonds is my Ruling card's Displacement.
Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsions
Dec 20 eve 1
Wayne Dyer on the law of manifestation.
In order to manifest what u want, u have to be aligned with the Source
You get what you are rather than what you want
Soul
Instead of having mental drama of Y because of my fear; trying to bolt. Why not I focus on manifesting what I want. Focus on my wish to Linga.
I like having someone like Y as my husband.
Yes, that's it.
Mind said load. But in the end I just asked for what he is trying to say. Need not speculate. Need not seek validation. Just asked for what he thinks.
Women, Food and God
Our work is not to change what u do, but to witness what u do with enough awareness, enough curiosity, enough tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsions is based become apparent and fall away.
U will stop turning to food when u start understanding in ur body, not just ur mind, that there is something better than turning to food. And this time, when u lose weight, u will keep it off.
Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsion.
Soul
I first sought my valuation in food. And then I sought my valuation in relationships. It is because I give away my valuation that I seek. Once I know and live my own values; I no longer sees food as adding value to me. Food is just food. Food is not meant to add value; key point is nutrition and well being.
He read my message but didn't respond. The old me would have reacted and would said why put myself up for 'rejection'. The new me knew I can only do what I can and its up to him to do what he can.
What he does is not a personal reflection of me; is a reflection of him. At least I learned that with Z. Know that my valuation neither increase or decrease on attainment of my partner. My valuation is always intact. From now onward, my approach to my romantic and personal relationship will be like my work. Be courteous, objective, make my stand, do what I can and then it is done. Remembering that it takes two to clap. So need not exert myself unnecessarily. Also Linga is still there delivering my wish.
Amen.
Women, Food and God
When u stop struggling, stop suffering, stop pushing and pulling yourself around food and ur body, when u stop manipulating and controlling, when u actually relax and listen to the truth of what is there, something bigger than ur fear will catch u.
With repeated experiences of opening and ease, u learn to trust something infinitely more powerful than a set of rules that someone else made up: ur own being.
The poet Galway Kinnell wrote that "sometimes it is necessary to reteach ourselves our loveliness."
Soul
I wondered why send Y to me.
Of course this year I knew my Destiny challenge is Two of Hearts; so is Y's Pluto challenge in Ruling.
Pluto in Destiny - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Affirmation
I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace.
Pluto in Ruling - Three of Hearts
This year is likely to be a time of variety and experimentation in ur love life and social life. It may be that u are just getting back into dating again and want to rediscover what kind of relationship is best for u. This might mean dating many different people and this could be something that is challenging and new for u.
On the other hand, u may already be in some sort of situation romantically or socially where ur interest are divided between two or more people. Coming to some sort of decision as to how to handle this would then be a major challenge for u this year.
This card often occurs in the spreads of someone who are having an affair or having doubts about their existing relationship or marriage. It can predicate a divorce or separation. To access the most positive levels of this influence, see urself meeting new and interesting people and learning to express your feelings clearly to everyone that is special to u.
Affirmation
I am learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships.
Soul
Very true.
Father, instead of seeing Y as a challenge; why not see this as a lesson for me to practice expressing my feelings.
Wayne Dyer on the law of manifestation.
In order to manifest what u want, u have to be aligned with the Source
You get what you are rather than what you want
Soul
Instead of having mental drama of Y because of my fear; trying to bolt. Why not I focus on manifesting what I want. Focus on my wish to Linga.
I like having someone like Y as my husband.
Yes, that's it.
Mind said load. But in the end I just asked for what he is trying to say. Need not speculate. Need not seek validation. Just asked for what he thinks.
Women, Food and God
Our work is not to change what u do, but to witness what u do with enough awareness, enough curiosity, enough tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsions is based become apparent and fall away.
U will stop turning to food when u start understanding in ur body, not just ur mind, that there is something better than turning to food. And this time, when u lose weight, u will keep it off.
Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsion.
Soul
I first sought my valuation in food. And then I sought my valuation in relationships. It is because I give away my valuation that I seek. Once I know and live my own values; I no longer sees food as adding value to me. Food is just food. Food is not meant to add value; key point is nutrition and well being.
He read my message but didn't respond. The old me would have reacted and would said why put myself up for 'rejection'. The new me knew I can only do what I can and its up to him to do what he can.
What he does is not a personal reflection of me; is a reflection of him. At least I learned that with Z. Know that my valuation neither increase or decrease on attainment of my partner. My valuation is always intact. From now onward, my approach to my romantic and personal relationship will be like my work. Be courteous, objective, make my stand, do what I can and then it is done. Remembering that it takes two to clap. So need not exert myself unnecessarily. Also Linga is still there delivering my wish.
Amen.
Women, Food and God
When u stop struggling, stop suffering, stop pushing and pulling yourself around food and ur body, when u stop manipulating and controlling, when u actually relax and listen to the truth of what is there, something bigger than ur fear will catch u.
With repeated experiences of opening and ease, u learn to trust something infinitely more powerful than a set of rules that someone else made up: ur own being.
The poet Galway Kinnell wrote that "sometimes it is necessary to reteach ourselves our loveliness."
Soul
I wondered why send Y to me.
Of course this year I knew my Destiny challenge is Two of Hearts; so is Y's Pluto challenge in Ruling.
Pluto in Destiny - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Affirmation
I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace.
Pluto in Ruling - Three of Hearts
This year is likely to be a time of variety and experimentation in ur love life and social life. It may be that u are just getting back into dating again and want to rediscover what kind of relationship is best for u. This might mean dating many different people and this could be something that is challenging and new for u.
On the other hand, u may already be in some sort of situation romantically or socially where ur interest are divided between two or more people. Coming to some sort of decision as to how to handle this would then be a major challenge for u this year.
This card often occurs in the spreads of someone who are having an affair or having doubts about their existing relationship or marriage. It can predicate a divorce or separation. To access the most positive levels of this influence, see urself meeting new and interesting people and learning to express your feelings clearly to everyone that is special to u.
Affirmation
I am learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships.
Soul
Very true.
Father, instead of seeing Y as a challenge; why not see this as a lesson for me to practice expressing my feelings.
Courage to break my own heart
Dec 20 eve
Landed and received messages from Y. We exchanged some messages. Then I teased him again on the matchmaking issue. He wanted to say something but stopped himself. He was bit miffed.
Later I msg him and he read but didn't reply. The old me wanted to bolt again. Wanted to delete our messages. Wanted this to end soon so I can face the pain. Yea, that's the old me. The new me just want to observe this. I m not going to bolt. I m not going to accelerate nor run. I m not going to put up defences. I m just going to let it be. I m going to go with the flow.
From rebellesociety.com
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
~ Cheryl Strayed - Dear Sugar
Soul
I did put up a good fight on Z. I lost him in the end but I found my Self.
From rebellesociety.com
I hope that I get to see you love what you are. To know yourself as gift and worth and truth. That you see what a huge thing it is to have the courage to break your own heart.
That you have chosen wholeness — even when it has shattered you. And that you will one day see that you can be whole and broken in the exact same spaces, that they nestle side by side — and that this is the way of things. Not your punishment for wrongdoing, or for not trying hard enough — but just the way of things.
That you can stand and look at yourself in a mirror and see your goodness right there, see the worth of what you bring on the surface of your skin, just like I do. That you trust there is brilliance to come. That you own what is yours to own, both the bad and the good. That you do not insist on owning it all. It was never all yours to hold. Release to the wind, love. Let it be carried away on the breeze. It does not serve you now.
Soul
Amen.
From rebellesociety.com
http://www.peacelovefree.com/
I know you, and your darkness and your shadow and all the things for which you practice self-flagellation. And I still see you as good, and true and strong and powerful and exquisitely present in this world. You have not chosen the easy way. Life has not granted you a gentle path. Not even close.
But you have followed your own trail, again and again and again. You have done what you needed to move forward. You have placed one foot in front of the other and kept on going – even when that was the most difficult thing to do.
Soul
Amen
From rebellesociety.com
http://www.peacelovefree.com/
I wish for you so very much. Seaside wishes and spin the bottle daydreams. Lucky pennies and shooting stars. A safe place to fall and a high place to leap from into the deepest pool of the clearest water. That you shed the shackles of past and grief and loss and betrayal. I hope you are possessiveness of your own wilderness. That you stake your claim and encircle your space with charm and enchantment and only grant entrance to those who bring you fully alive.
Soul
Love this.
Landed and received messages from Y. We exchanged some messages. Then I teased him again on the matchmaking issue. He wanted to say something but stopped himself. He was bit miffed.
Later I msg him and he read but didn't reply. The old me wanted to bolt again. Wanted to delete our messages. Wanted this to end soon so I can face the pain. Yea, that's the old me. The new me just want to observe this. I m not going to bolt. I m not going to accelerate nor run. I m not going to put up defences. I m just going to let it be. I m going to go with the flow.
From rebellesociety.com
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
~ Cheryl Strayed - Dear Sugar
Soul
I did put up a good fight on Z. I lost him in the end but I found my Self.
From rebellesociety.com
I hope that I get to see you love what you are. To know yourself as gift and worth and truth. That you see what a huge thing it is to have the courage to break your own heart.
That you have chosen wholeness — even when it has shattered you. And that you will one day see that you can be whole and broken in the exact same spaces, that they nestle side by side — and that this is the way of things. Not your punishment for wrongdoing, or for not trying hard enough — but just the way of things.
That you can stand and look at yourself in a mirror and see your goodness right there, see the worth of what you bring on the surface of your skin, just like I do. That you trust there is brilliance to come. That you own what is yours to own, both the bad and the good. That you do not insist on owning it all. It was never all yours to hold. Release to the wind, love. Let it be carried away on the breeze. It does not serve you now.
Soul
Amen.
From rebellesociety.com
http://www.peacelovefree.com/
I know you, and your darkness and your shadow and all the things for which you practice self-flagellation. And I still see you as good, and true and strong and powerful and exquisitely present in this world. You have not chosen the easy way. Life has not granted you a gentle path. Not even close.
But you have followed your own trail, again and again and again. You have done what you needed to move forward. You have placed one foot in front of the other and kept on going – even when that was the most difficult thing to do.
Soul
Amen
From rebellesociety.com
http://www.peacelovefree.com/
I wish for you so very much. Seaside wishes and spin the bottle daydreams. Lucky pennies and shooting stars. A safe place to fall and a high place to leap from into the deepest pool of the clearest water. That you shed the shackles of past and grief and loss and betrayal. I hope you are possessiveness of your own wilderness. That you stake your claim and encircle your space with charm and enchantment and only grant entrance to those who bring you fully alive.
Soul
Love this.
Confused on Y but still focused on my next year wish
Dec 20 aft
Took some selfie pix using my mobile. I looked great. I finally looked great in photo. That is miracle. I used to dislike how I looked in picture. But now I looked great. That's a miracle. I used to be envious of Z who can take selfie pix. I never dare to because I looked ugly on photo. On the mirror I looked okay.
Now alas for the first time in my life I finally looked good in picture and can even take selfie. Even my sisters said that I looked good in photo now.
We both like conversing with each other. Whenever we find something interesting or happy, we both will message each other. Guess we are in each other tots.
When I m meditating, tots of running away will come. After meditation, the only tot is be in the moment. He helped me to see that what Z and I had was purely physical. Even back at our heydays, I don't think of sharing with Z cos I know he is neither interested nor can relate. All the time I was sharing mainly with V.
I normally have good platonic friendship with guys; not sure why Y was different.
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
Staying requires awareness of the desire to bolt. Of the stories u r telling urself about the need to bolt. Staying means recognising that when u want to bolt you are living in the past. U r taking urself to be someone who no longer exists.
Staying requires being curious about who u actually are when u don't take yourself to be a collection of memories. When u stay, u question what u have never done before.
Hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where u are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else. Being in a relationship with someone and refusing to surrender to the love because u don't want to give urself to something u will eventually lose. Refusing to love because u want the endgame to be different than it is. Wanting life to be different from what it is.
Soul
Mmm; this thing with Y. Truly wish our age gap is much lesser; truly wish he is not a mommy boy. Truly wish I m not attracted to him. Sometimes wish I didn't get to know him. But I can't turn back the clock. He has a role to play for me to see Z as he is; for me to see what type of relationship I truly wanted.
Part of me want to bolt. Part of me want to blame God. Part off want to blame myself for getting attached to wrong guy again.
The other part of me know this is right. I m one confused person. I just know one thing, I m not bolting and even if I bolt I will be honest with him. My focus now is on my wish being fulfilled. My future husband and I are going to Kailash next year. I trust Linga will do the necessary.
Women, Food and God
It's walking straight into the pain with the understanding that there are worse things in life than a broken heart. That something exists beyond, something that completely saturated any pain. Something that holds the pain, is bigger than it is. And there is no fighting with either pain or the thing that saturates it.
Soul
This message seems similar to Sadhguru's msg in Leela of creating a shrine of love for our unrequited love.
This thing with Y is such a case. I m looking at it. Not bolting and not pursuing. But we mutually take steps in getting closer.
Took some selfie pix using my mobile. I looked great. I finally looked great in photo. That is miracle. I used to dislike how I looked in picture. But now I looked great. That's a miracle. I used to be envious of Z who can take selfie pix. I never dare to because I looked ugly on photo. On the mirror I looked okay.
Now alas for the first time in my life I finally looked good in picture and can even take selfie. Even my sisters said that I looked good in photo now.
We both like conversing with each other. Whenever we find something interesting or happy, we both will message each other. Guess we are in each other tots.
When I m meditating, tots of running away will come. After meditation, the only tot is be in the moment. He helped me to see that what Z and I had was purely physical. Even back at our heydays, I don't think of sharing with Z cos I know he is neither interested nor can relate. All the time I was sharing mainly with V.
I normally have good platonic friendship with guys; not sure why Y was different.
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
Staying requires awareness of the desire to bolt. Of the stories u r telling urself about the need to bolt. Staying means recognising that when u want to bolt you are living in the past. U r taking urself to be someone who no longer exists.
Staying requires being curious about who u actually are when u don't take yourself to be a collection of memories. When u stay, u question what u have never done before.
Hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where u are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else. Being in a relationship with someone and refusing to surrender to the love because u don't want to give urself to something u will eventually lose. Refusing to love because u want the endgame to be different than it is. Wanting life to be different from what it is.
Soul
Mmm; this thing with Y. Truly wish our age gap is much lesser; truly wish he is not a mommy boy. Truly wish I m not attracted to him. Sometimes wish I didn't get to know him. But I can't turn back the clock. He has a role to play for me to see Z as he is; for me to see what type of relationship I truly wanted.
Part of me want to bolt. Part of me want to blame God. Part off want to blame myself for getting attached to wrong guy again.
The other part of me know this is right. I m one confused person. I just know one thing, I m not bolting and even if I bolt I will be honest with him. My focus now is on my wish being fulfilled. My future husband and I are going to Kailash next year. I trust Linga will do the necessary.
Women, Food and God
It's walking straight into the pain with the understanding that there are worse things in life than a broken heart. That something exists beyond, something that completely saturated any pain. Something that holds the pain, is bigger than it is. And there is no fighting with either pain or the thing that saturates it.
Soul
This message seems similar to Sadhguru's msg in Leela of creating a shrine of love for our unrequited love.
This thing with Y is such a case. I m looking at it. Not bolting and not pursuing. But we mutually take steps in getting closer.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
No longer trying to bolt...just stay and face it
Dec 19
Took some selfie pix using my mobile. I looked great. I finally looked great in photo. That is miracle. I used to dislike how I looked in picture. But now I looked great. That's a miracle. I used to be envious of Z who can take selfie pix. I never dare to because I looked ugly on photo. On the mirror I looked okay.
Now alas for the first time in my life I finally looked good in picture and can even take selfie. Even my sisters said that I looked good in photo now.
Y and I both like conversing with each other. Whenever we find something interesting or happy, we both will message each other. Guess we are in each other tots.
When I m meditating, tots of running away will come. After meditation, the only tot is be in the moment. He helped me to see that what Z and I had was purely physical. Even back at our heydays, I don't think of sharing with Z cos I know he is neither interested nor can relate. All the time I was sharing mainly with V.
I normally have good platonic friendship with guys; not sure why Y was different.
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
Staying requires awareness of the desire to bolt. Of the stories u r telling urself about the need to bolt. Staying means recognising that when u want to bolt you are living in the past. U r taking urself to be someone who no longer exists. Staying requires being curious about who u actually are when u don't take yourself to be a collection of memories. When u stay, u question what u have never
Hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where u are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else. Being in a relationship with someone and refusing to surrender to the love because u don't want to give urself to something u will eventually lose. Refusing to love because u want the endgame to be different than it is. Wanting life to be different from what it is.
Soul
Mmm; this thing with Y. Truly wish our age gap is much lesser; truly wish he is not a mommy boy. Truly wish I m not attracted to him. Sometimes wish I didn't get to know him. But I can't turn back the clock. He has a role to play for me to see Z as he is; for me to see what type of relationship I truly wanted.
Part of me want to bolt. Part of me want to blame God. Part off want to blame myself for getting attached to wrong guy again.
The other part of me know this is right. I m one confused person. I just know one thing, I m not bolting and even if I bolt I will be honest with him. My focus now is on my wish being fulfilled. My future husband and I are going to Kailash next year. I trust Linga will do the necessary.
Women, Food and God
It's walking straight into the pain with the understanding that there are worse things in life than a broken heart. That something exists beyond, something that completely saturated any pain. Something that holds the pain, is bigger than it is. And there is no fighting with either pain or the thing that saturates it.
Soul
This message seems similar to Sadhguru's msg in Leela of creating a shrine of love for our unrequited love.
This thing with Y is such a case. I m looking at it. Not bolting and not pursuing. But we mutually take steps in getting closer.
Took some selfie pix using my mobile. I looked great. I finally looked great in photo. That is miracle. I used to dislike how I looked in picture. But now I looked great. That's a miracle. I used to be envious of Z who can take selfie pix. I never dare to because I looked ugly on photo. On the mirror I looked okay.
Now alas for the first time in my life I finally looked good in picture and can even take selfie. Even my sisters said that I looked good in photo now.
Y and I both like conversing with each other. Whenever we find something interesting or happy, we both will message each other. Guess we are in each other tots.
When I m meditating, tots of running away will come. After meditation, the only tot is be in the moment. He helped me to see that what Z and I had was purely physical. Even back at our heydays, I don't think of sharing with Z cos I know he is neither interested nor can relate. All the time I was sharing mainly with V.
I normally have good platonic friendship with guys; not sure why Y was different.
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
Staying requires awareness of the desire to bolt. Of the stories u r telling urself about the need to bolt. Staying means recognising that when u want to bolt you are living in the past. U r taking urself to be someone who no longer exists. Staying requires being curious about who u actually are when u don't take yourself to be a collection of memories. When u stay, u question what u have never
Hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where u are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else. Being in a relationship with someone and refusing to surrender to the love because u don't want to give urself to something u will eventually lose. Refusing to love because u want the endgame to be different than it is. Wanting life to be different from what it is.
Soul
Mmm; this thing with Y. Truly wish our age gap is much lesser; truly wish he is not a mommy boy. Truly wish I m not attracted to him. Sometimes wish I didn't get to know him. But I can't turn back the clock. He has a role to play for me to see Z as he is; for me to see what type of relationship I truly wanted.
Part of me want to bolt. Part of me want to blame God. Part off want to blame myself for getting attached to wrong guy again.
The other part of me know this is right. I m one confused person. I just know one thing, I m not bolting and even if I bolt I will be honest with him. My focus now is on my wish being fulfilled. My future husband and I are going to Kailash next year. I trust Linga will do the necessary.
Women, Food and God
It's walking straight into the pain with the understanding that there are worse things in life than a broken heart. That something exists beyond, something that completely saturated any pain. Something that holds the pain, is bigger than it is. And there is no fighting with either pain or the thing that saturates it.
Soul
This message seems similar to Sadhguru's msg in Leela of creating a shrine of love for our unrequited love.
This thing with Y is such a case. I m looking at it. Not bolting and not pursuing. But we mutually take steps in getting closer.
Survival mode - avoid pain to ensure survival
Dec 17 eve
As expected Y msg me in late evening. I saw the msg one hour later. Just gave a short reply.
Women Food and God
We have become so obsessed with getting rid of our obsession, with riding on top of our suffering and ignoring its inherent message, that we lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it. But fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves. The real richness of obsession lies in the ineffable stillness, the irrefutable wholeness, that is found in turning towards its source.
It's not life in the present moment that is intolerable; the pain we are avoiding has already happened. We are living in reverse.
To the extent that we go into survival mode - I can't feel this, I won't feel this, it hurts too much, it will kill me - we are slipping into baby skins, old forms, familiar selves. Young children, especially infants, mediate the pain of loss or abandonment or abuse through the body; there is no difference between physical and emotional pain. It is life saving for a child to develop defenses that allow her to leave a situation she can't physically leave by shutting down her feelings or turning to something that soothes her.
But if we as adults we still believe that pain will kill us,
Soul
Exactly. I no longer want to repeat drama of past. Just like I knew it was difficult between Z and I due to our issue on having children. The more impossible is between Y and I. I prefer to drop this. Just like Z can't overcome his issue; the more difficult for Y to do so.
Father, Y met me just to help him to discover new value. Now the question is why am I meeting him now after one year and unexpectedly attracted to him?
Mmm, why put myself through that again? As a child I can't help that others doesn't voluntarily take care of me. But as adult I have a choice. I have a choice to be with people who wants me permanently. Its time I play to win and not play to lose.
As expected Y msg me in late evening. I saw the msg one hour later. Just gave a short reply.
Women Food and God
We have become so obsessed with getting rid of our obsession, with riding on top of our suffering and ignoring its inherent message, that we lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it. But fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves. The real richness of obsession lies in the ineffable stillness, the irrefutable wholeness, that is found in turning towards its source.
It's not life in the present moment that is intolerable; the pain we are avoiding has already happened. We are living in reverse.
To the extent that we go into survival mode - I can't feel this, I won't feel this, it hurts too much, it will kill me - we are slipping into baby skins, old forms, familiar selves. Young children, especially infants, mediate the pain of loss or abandonment or abuse through the body; there is no difference between physical and emotional pain. It is life saving for a child to develop defenses that allow her to leave a situation she can't physically leave by shutting down her feelings or turning to something that soothes her.
But if we as adults we still believe that pain will kill us,
Soul
Exactly. I no longer want to repeat drama of past. Just like I knew it was difficult between Z and I due to our issue on having children. The more impossible is between Y and I. I prefer to drop this. Just like Z can't overcome his issue; the more difficult for Y to do so.
Father, Y met me just to help him to discover new value. Now the question is why am I meeting him now after one year and unexpectedly attracted to him?
Mmm, why put myself through that again? As a child I can't help that others doesn't voluntarily take care of me. But as adult I have a choice. I have a choice to be with people who wants me permanently. Its time I play to win and not play to lose.
Food was my first love, enhances my valuation
Dec 17
This morning did my practices but cut short on breathing as I have not enough time. I did the whole practices with mom in the room. That is a breakthrough. The practices was lovely. I had to control my laughter and movement cos mom was in. Towards the end when she left the room, l let go. So nice.
So great spending time with family and everyone tot so too. We are already planning for next oversea trip.
Had some tot of Y but I let it be. I do miss him but know that this had to end soon. Besides just as he has unexpected love proposal in period of May to July. I too will have my husband before August trip in Kailash. So instead of letting mind giving tots of sad news of me seeing Y getting married; I might as well focus on me getting married. Still no idea on who or how but I leave that to Linga Bhairavi.
No more challenges in romantic relationships. No more thinking I need to strike it out on my own effort.
Women, Food and God
Geneen Roth
I turned to food for the same reasons that people turned to God: it was my sigh of ecstasy, my transport to heaven, my concrete proof that relief from the pain of everyday life was possible. Then it would be gone.
Soul
The old me actually goes ecstatic when the food taste really good; especially if it is desserts. My saving grace is that I go for quality and I can't eat much.
After Isha, I hold on to my food, my first love. And now after 5 years it is no longer my first love. Food is no longer my best friend, just a friend. Coffee is no longer my best friend, just an acquaintance.
So I would say food is my friend rather than god.
This morning did my practices but cut short on breathing as I have not enough time. I did the whole practices with mom in the room. That is a breakthrough. The practices was lovely. I had to control my laughter and movement cos mom was in. Towards the end when she left the room, l let go. So nice.
So great spending time with family and everyone tot so too. We are already planning for next oversea trip.
Had some tot of Y but I let it be. I do miss him but know that this had to end soon. Besides just as he has unexpected love proposal in period of May to July. I too will have my husband before August trip in Kailash. So instead of letting mind giving tots of sad news of me seeing Y getting married; I might as well focus on me getting married. Still no idea on who or how but I leave that to Linga Bhairavi.
No more challenges in romantic relationships. No more thinking I need to strike it out on my own effort.
Women, Food and God
Geneen Roth
I turned to food for the same reasons that people turned to God: it was my sigh of ecstasy, my transport to heaven, my concrete proof that relief from the pain of everyday life was possible. Then it would be gone.
Soul
The old me actually goes ecstatic when the food taste really good; especially if it is desserts. My saving grace is that I go for quality and I can't eat much.
After Isha, I hold on to my food, my first love. And now after 5 years it is no longer my first love. Food is no longer my best friend, just a friend. Coffee is no longer my best friend, just an acquaintance.
So I would say food is my friend rather than god.
When suffering is allowed, it dissolved
Dec 16
Women Food and God by Geneen Roth
As soon as food comes out, the feelings come out. As soon as the feelings come out, there is an inevitable recognition of the self inflicted violence and suffering that fuel any obsession. And on the heels of that recognition comes the willingness to engage with and unwind the suffering rather than be its prisoner. The exquisite paradox of this engagement is that when suffering is fully allowed, it dissolves. Weight loss occurs easily, naturally.
Soul
Suddenly it occur me why I need to have valuable food. Taking only valuable food is to fill up the inner hole. Somehow somewhere I believed I don't have enough valuation and hence need to increase my valuation.
The low valuation is because of my Ace of Diamonds.
The correct solution is to find and strengthen my own values. That's why I met Eights, Nine and Tens.
Met both South Nodes and North nodes in Leo.
Women Food and God by Geneen Roth
As soon as food comes out, the feelings come out. As soon as the feelings come out, there is an inevitable recognition of the self inflicted violence and suffering that fuel any obsession. And on the heels of that recognition comes the willingness to engage with and unwind the suffering rather than be its prisoner. The exquisite paradox of this engagement is that when suffering is fully allowed, it dissolves. Weight loss occurs easily, naturally.
Soul
Suddenly it occur me why I need to have valuable food. Taking only valuable food is to fill up the inner hole. Somehow somewhere I believed I don't have enough valuation and hence need to increase my valuation.
The low valuation is because of my Ace of Diamonds.
The correct solution is to find and strengthen my own values. That's why I met Eights, Nine and Tens.
Met both South Nodes and North nodes in Leo.
Taurus North Node - cosmic love
Dec 15
Yesterday I had such a insightful experience in the pool. Swimming breaststroke was effortless. I was just enjoying the water, feeling the water moment by moment. I can see the pool at the end but focus is on the moment. There were many people in the pool and I m able to maintain my float.
That's exactly this week Osho card resolution - Moment to moment. Then I met up with Y, we had a three and half hour meet and time just passed. And we were not tired. Guess we are comfortable being with each other.
He has his own life to lead. I can see that I m in his long range this year. I m his Cosmic Reward card to help him in his new values. He truly lead an accelerated life. His health deteriorate at mid twenties instead of mid thirties as others. No wonder I felt him very mature for his age.
Me, no more looking to him.
Me just tell Linga and Bhairavi and affirmed my wish that my husband and I will be in Kailash next year. Whatever need to happen will happen. I have released my compulsion to fill up the hole of soul mate. No more filling up with wrong guy. While I want my husband but the need to have is no longer there.
Whole family is here tonight. Took a family picture and we all look great.
Now reading Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller. Alas able to acknowledge all these. When I read it two years ago I can't. But now I can.
Misconception that blocks intimacy.
- my relationship work when I pour all my energy into supporting the other person
- I need to be in a relationship to survive
- I am safer if I ignored my boundaries
- If I reveal my needs, others may not respond in a positive way.
- others don't care enough for me to tune in to where I am coming from.
- supporting my partner means getting involved in helping them make their decision.
Soul
No more. No more compulsion. No more not having parameters. No more suppressing my feeling. No more one sided relationship.
Cosmic love by Jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
They are learning about the proper use of boundaries and the importance of letting the other person know their limits.
Soul
Two years ago I was vaguely aware but now I know it is true. I knew the compulsion due to me needing others validation to fill up valuation in personal and romantic relationships. No more. I know I m now in a new space.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
They denies their needs in the moment, and then demands that they be met in a specific way later on.
And then, whether their partner meets their needs or not, they cannot experience true intimacy because the natural reciprocal process that can be created when needs are expressed AS THEY ARISE has been circumvented.
Our true boundaries are not mental construct. They are innate, and are actually felt as an urge within the body that lets us know whether or not we feel comfortable in a particular situation.
Soul
Agreed.
No more. Even now I can say with P.
Even now with Y. I m learning to keep my parameters too.
I learned that I need not be guide. I learned that it is okay to avoid some friends; to not take their calls. I learned its okay to not always have to be first one to volunteer in Isha. It is okay sometimes to be the bystander.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
For most of us, stretching beyond our "comfort zone" is a requirement for the personal and spiritual growth. But for Taurus North node this process is reversed. They tend to feel safer when they discount their pen comfort and ignore their boundaries.
Soul
No more.
Like with Y. The old me would proceed. The new me sees the challenges not only for myself but Y and know it is not feasible.
Y was here to help me take final step of letting go of Z and I to help him take first step to let go of his mom. That's all. I m his cosmic reward card. In past lives, we definitely were together and he here to help me.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
It may even feel very frightened for them to remain aware of their comfort zone and stay within, but it is through this process that growth can occur. And in this lifetime, it is an absolute necessity if their relationships are to succeed. So if they feel uncertain in a situation, they need to slow down, take a deep breath and wait until they know if they are comfortable within the timing and the level of reciprocity that is unfolding. In this incarnation, there's no rush, they have plenty of time - and if they stay within the parameters of where they feel good about themselves, they will know they are on track.
Soul
Now that I m aware it is another compulsion to gather valuation. I no longer need to meet it.
Mmm, this breakthrough comes after letting go of coffee in Samyama.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
Everyone wants to be comfortable. However this natives tend to be more concerned with the comfort of others - which they can't really control - and neglect taking the responsibility for creating what they need to feel comfortable.
The dynamics of this scenario blocks intimacy, because again it is not honest.
Others don't sense the resentment because the native covers it up. Intimacy is thwarted because the native sets it up for everything to be all about other people.
Soul
Mmm, having parameters and stating my parameters creates intimacy. In a way, my two session of breakthrough with P. Telling her I m afraid of picking up her calls due to excessive criticism and recently of due to her giving detailed instructions has brought us closer. Yes, we become intimate. We become real.
Alas. Now I know how intimacy is created.
Yesterday I had such a insightful experience in the pool. Swimming breaststroke was effortless. I was just enjoying the water, feeling the water moment by moment. I can see the pool at the end but focus is on the moment. There were many people in the pool and I m able to maintain my float.
That's exactly this week Osho card resolution - Moment to moment. Then I met up with Y, we had a three and half hour meet and time just passed. And we were not tired. Guess we are comfortable being with each other.
He has his own life to lead. I can see that I m in his long range this year. I m his Cosmic Reward card to help him in his new values. He truly lead an accelerated life. His health deteriorate at mid twenties instead of mid thirties as others. No wonder I felt him very mature for his age.
Me, no more looking to him.
Me just tell Linga and Bhairavi and affirmed my wish that my husband and I will be in Kailash next year. Whatever need to happen will happen. I have released my compulsion to fill up the hole of soul mate. No more filling up with wrong guy. While I want my husband but the need to have is no longer there.
Whole family is here tonight. Took a family picture and we all look great.
Now reading Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller. Alas able to acknowledge all these. When I read it two years ago I can't. But now I can.
Misconception that blocks intimacy.
- my relationship work when I pour all my energy into supporting the other person
- I need to be in a relationship to survive
- I am safer if I ignored my boundaries
- If I reveal my needs, others may not respond in a positive way.
- others don't care enough for me to tune in to where I am coming from.
- supporting my partner means getting involved in helping them make their decision.
Soul
No more. No more compulsion. No more not having parameters. No more suppressing my feeling. No more one sided relationship.
Cosmic love by Jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
They are learning about the proper use of boundaries and the importance of letting the other person know their limits.
Soul
Two years ago I was vaguely aware but now I know it is true. I knew the compulsion due to me needing others validation to fill up valuation in personal and romantic relationships. No more. I know I m now in a new space.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
They denies their needs in the moment, and then demands that they be met in a specific way later on.
And then, whether their partner meets their needs or not, they cannot experience true intimacy because the natural reciprocal process that can be created when needs are expressed AS THEY ARISE has been circumvented.
Our true boundaries are not mental construct. They are innate, and are actually felt as an urge within the body that lets us know whether or not we feel comfortable in a particular situation.
Soul
Agreed.
No more. Even now I can say with P.
Even now with Y. I m learning to keep my parameters too.
I learned that I need not be guide. I learned that it is okay to avoid some friends; to not take their calls. I learned its okay to not always have to be first one to volunteer in Isha. It is okay sometimes to be the bystander.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
For most of us, stretching beyond our "comfort zone" is a requirement for the personal and spiritual growth. But for Taurus North node this process is reversed. They tend to feel safer when they discount their pen comfort and ignore their boundaries.
Soul
No more.
Like with Y. The old me would proceed. The new me sees the challenges not only for myself but Y and know it is not feasible.
Y was here to help me take final step of letting go of Z and I to help him take first step to let go of his mom. That's all. I m his cosmic reward card. In past lives, we definitely were together and he here to help me.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
It may even feel very frightened for them to remain aware of their comfort zone and stay within, but it is through this process that growth can occur. And in this lifetime, it is an absolute necessity if their relationships are to succeed. So if they feel uncertain in a situation, they need to slow down, take a deep breath and wait until they know if they are comfortable within the timing and the level of reciprocity that is unfolding. In this incarnation, there's no rush, they have plenty of time - and if they stay within the parameters of where they feel good about themselves, they will know they are on track.
Soul
Now that I m aware it is another compulsion to gather valuation. I no longer need to meet it.
Mmm, this breakthrough comes after letting go of coffee in Samyama.
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
Everyone wants to be comfortable. However this natives tend to be more concerned with the comfort of others - which they can't really control - and neglect taking the responsibility for creating what they need to feel comfortable.
The dynamics of this scenario blocks intimacy, because again it is not honest.
Others don't sense the resentment because the native covers it up. Intimacy is thwarted because the native sets it up for everything to be all about other people.
Soul
Mmm, having parameters and stating my parameters creates intimacy. In a way, my two session of breakthrough with P. Telling her I m afraid of picking up her calls due to excessive criticism and recently of due to her giving detailed instructions has brought us closer. Yes, we become intimate. We become real.
Alas. Now I know how intimacy is created.
Comparison only brings inferiority or superiority, both also false
Dec 13 aft
Mmm, looks like even if I said their names, I may still be liable if I used them in my ebook.
Today Z like my Facebook's sharing. It has been a long while. But I prefer he doesn't.
Again received update on him and family. Can see negative feelings coming up especially since it is no go on Y.
Then I remember my compulsion to fill up valuation on romantic relationship.
I guess because I don't have and he has. Never mind; don't go there. I m truly fulfilled. I need not say he has financial unfulfilled. I need not pulled him down. I only need to pull myself up.
This week Osho tarot cards
External influence of which u are aware.
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority disappear. Then you are, you are simple there.
Everybody is incomparably unique.
The only way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Evenin
Just did Shoonya. Went in deep, a knock out. Feel so good.
Mystic musing
Sadhana is done so that u create a certain sense of awareness and u r hastening the process of the dissolution of karma so that ur prarabdha gets finished faster and faster. It u dissolve some aspects of ur prarabdha, generally u r working towards mental and emotional dimensions of ur prarabdha so that u can live a blessed state for a longer period of life. If u dissolve them, ur physical prarabdha is still there, so u can continue to live but without the struggles of the mind, without the struggles of the emotions. That's a blessed state.
Soul
Yes. That's the goal of self mastery. I know I can't control others. I can only manage myself. Feel relieved from the compulsion of filling up.
A tot come. Y's options are the various gals on matchmaking. While I know we won't be and I don't need to fill myself with wrong guy. No more challenges. My romantic relationship now become effortless.
Mmm, looks like even if I said their names, I may still be liable if I used them in my ebook.
Today Z like my Facebook's sharing. It has been a long while. But I prefer he doesn't.
Again received update on him and family. Can see negative feelings coming up especially since it is no go on Y.
Then I remember my compulsion to fill up valuation on romantic relationship.
I guess because I don't have and he has. Never mind; don't go there. I m truly fulfilled. I need not say he has financial unfulfilled. I need not pulled him down. I only need to pull myself up.
This week Osho tarot cards
External influence of which u are aware.
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority disappear. Then you are, you are simple there.
Everybody is incomparably unique.
The only way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Evenin
Just did Shoonya. Went in deep, a knock out. Feel so good.
Mystic musing
Sadhana is done so that u create a certain sense of awareness and u r hastening the process of the dissolution of karma so that ur prarabdha gets finished faster and faster. It u dissolve some aspects of ur prarabdha, generally u r working towards mental and emotional dimensions of ur prarabdha so that u can live a blessed state for a longer period of life. If u dissolve them, ur physical prarabdha is still there, so u can continue to live but without the struggles of the mind, without the struggles of the emotions. That's a blessed state.
Soul
Yes. That's the goal of self mastery. I know I can't control others. I can only manage myself. Feel relieved from the compulsion of filling up.
A tot come. Y's options are the various gals on matchmaking. While I know we won't be and I don't need to fill myself with wrong guy. No more challenges. My romantic relationship now become effortless.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Finally seeing my compulsion in romantic relationship..breaking the karma
Dec 13
Now that I know my compulsion was to fulfill the valuation in romantic relationship. Its like a great burden been lifted. Its true, north node in Taurus about me finding my true partner. And it also said that I can find my true spiritually empowered partner once I fixed my values.
I don't need to validate myself based on the valuation from romantic relationship. I don't have to take in wrong guys just to fill it. I wait for the right guy. And what is more important is that I know what's my conpulsion. Amen.
On Y, he is a friend. I know I m mentally attracted to him but physically not sure. And there is no need to ponder as he doesn't see me in the romantic light at all. I can put him in right place. No longer need to feel the romantic valuation. And I can now repeat my age. Feel good.
I truly like the fact that I finally saw my compulsion in filling up with wrong guys.
At the moment there is no need to fill.
Alas experiencing my Four of Diamonds and Four of Hearts.
Now that I know my compulsion was to fulfill the valuation in romantic relationship. Its like a great burden been lifted. Its true, north node in Taurus about me finding my true partner. And it also said that I can find my true spiritually empowered partner once I fixed my values.
I don't need to validate myself based on the valuation from romantic relationship. I don't have to take in wrong guys just to fill it. I wait for the right guy. And what is more important is that I know what's my conpulsion. Amen.
On Y, he is a friend. I know I m mentally attracted to him but physically not sure. And there is no need to ponder as he doesn't see me in the romantic light at all. I can put him in right place. No longer need to feel the romantic valuation. And I can now repeat my age. Feel good.
I truly like the fact that I finally saw my compulsion in filling up with wrong guys.
At the moment there is no need to fill.
Alas experiencing my Four of Diamonds and Four of Hearts.
My compulsion is actually my attachment to valuation in romantic relationship
Dec 12
Woke up at 3.50 am to do my practices. Did one cycle of Surya kriya and followed with asanas. Much better than yesterday but shoulder not completely healed. Breathing was not okay; couldn't seem to sit well.
Shakti was great. Shambavi was fine.
My prevention was fine today. I truly liked the fact he asked how I felt inside instead of the outer results.
It was a surprise meet with Y. Seeing him in physical and knowing his state of family made me realised we are truly not possible. But immediately I turned to Linga. She will do the necessary. Also this is time to do Kapalvriksha. At least no more illusion. Just be there the way he was for me.
For Kapalvriksha truly comprise of 3 profiles.
Suddenly realised that Y has attachment issue to family especially his mom. Understandably due his Queen of Heart in Destiny. Finally unlocked his issues. Next step up to him.
Me suddenly tot why m I not attached to my family or parents. I know I love them but I never let them affect what I do or not do. It never even occurred to me to ask them for approval or etc. I just do it.
I don't need to do anything or prove myself. My family will always be there. Then I realised that with my family my valuation is secure.
With work, I just need to defend my valuation as valuation already secured as I have rises to a career level I wanted.
With friends, valuation is just half and hence I need to do something to increase my valuation
With partner, there is nil. Hence I constantly on the lookout to have valuation. That's why I hold on to Z even after break up. At least some valuation remains.
Now I know its all about valuation. With my Ace and Queen of Diamonds. Alas, I need not seek anymore. I need not feel less valuable just because I don't have partner to give me valuation in romantic relationship.
Alas, my attachment is to valuation.
I feel a big block has been cleared. No more seeking valuation for romantic relationship.
Father, I no longer needs the wrong partner just to fill up valuation in romantic relationship.
My Daily Card in Jupiter
The Seven of Clubs
When the Seven of Clubs is present you will either be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self, or you will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping you trapped on lower levels of thought. The lowest side of this card is negative thinking. The highest side is mental and spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness. How it manifests for you will depend upon your ability to elevate your thinking.
Soul
This afternoon hearing Y said about his future plan. I went down some...and I realised it is my expectation for something that could not happen. So, for now just be his friend.
Perfect. Now realised that I was trying to fill up valuation in romantic relationship and went for the wrong guys.
Well, no more going for wrong guys
I will wait for the right guy from Linga.
Woke up at 3.50 am to do my practices. Did one cycle of Surya kriya and followed with asanas. Much better than yesterday but shoulder not completely healed. Breathing was not okay; couldn't seem to sit well.
Shakti was great. Shambavi was fine.
My prevention was fine today. I truly liked the fact he asked how I felt inside instead of the outer results.
It was a surprise meet with Y. Seeing him in physical and knowing his state of family made me realised we are truly not possible. But immediately I turned to Linga. She will do the necessary. Also this is time to do Kapalvriksha. At least no more illusion. Just be there the way he was for me.
For Kapalvriksha truly comprise of 3 profiles.
Suddenly realised that Y has attachment issue to family especially his mom. Understandably due his Queen of Heart in Destiny. Finally unlocked his issues. Next step up to him.
Me suddenly tot why m I not attached to my family or parents. I know I love them but I never let them affect what I do or not do. It never even occurred to me to ask them for approval or etc. I just do it.
I don't need to do anything or prove myself. My family will always be there. Then I realised that with my family my valuation is secure.
With work, I just need to defend my valuation as valuation already secured as I have rises to a career level I wanted.
With friends, valuation is just half and hence I need to do something to increase my valuation
With partner, there is nil. Hence I constantly on the lookout to have valuation. That's why I hold on to Z even after break up. At least some valuation remains.
Now I know its all about valuation. With my Ace and Queen of Diamonds. Alas, I need not seek anymore. I need not feel less valuable just because I don't have partner to give me valuation in romantic relationship.
Alas, my attachment is to valuation.
I feel a big block has been cleared. No more seeking valuation for romantic relationship.
Father, I no longer needs the wrong partner just to fill up valuation in romantic relationship.
My Daily Card in Jupiter
The Seven of Clubs
When the Seven of Clubs is present you will either be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self, or you will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping you trapped on lower levels of thought. The lowest side of this card is negative thinking. The highest side is mental and spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness. How it manifests for you will depend upon your ability to elevate your thinking.
Soul
This afternoon hearing Y said about his future plan. I went down some...and I realised it is my expectation for something that could not happen. So, for now just be his friend.
Perfect. Now realised that I was trying to fill up valuation in romantic relationship and went for the wrong guys.
Well, no more going for wrong guys
I will wait for the right guy from Linga.
Involvement is the reason why relationships and children happens
Dec 11 eve 1
Mystic musings
Compulsion need not necessarily be just physical; the compulsions can be psychological and emotional. There is a need to extend urself, something that is u. Most people wants to have children because they want an extension of themselves. They want something to leave behind when they go. Children are their greatest property. People are seeking children because thats the only way they know involvement. Otherwise, they are incapable of being involved.
Very few people can involve themselves to that extent in their love affair also. Even there, the involvement is because body touch. Because of their identification is with their physical body, the only way they know to involve themselves is by opening their body.
Only when a person rises to another level of experience, their involvement with something else or somebody else goes to great depths without physical involvement, because now the identification with the body is receding. Identification with the other dimension of urself is building momentum.
Soul
This message similar to this week Internal influence - lovers.
As I was just saying this two and half weeks of intense involvement with Y and we are not even physical. He wanted to see me more urgently than I wanted to see him. For me, our connection is already there.
Mystic musings
Compulsion need not necessarily be just physical; the compulsions can be psychological and emotional. There is a need to extend urself, something that is u. Most people wants to have children because they want an extension of themselves. They want something to leave behind when they go. Children are their greatest property. People are seeking children because thats the only way they know involvement. Otherwise, they are incapable of being involved.
Very few people can involve themselves to that extent in their love affair also. Even there, the involvement is because body touch. Because of their identification is with their physical body, the only way they know to involve themselves is by opening their body.
Only when a person rises to another level of experience, their involvement with something else or somebody else goes to great depths without physical involvement, because now the identification with the body is receding. Identification with the other dimension of urself is building momentum.
Soul
This message similar to this week Internal influence - lovers.
As I was just saying this two and half weeks of intense involvement with Y and we are not even physical. He wanted to see me more urgently than I wanted to see him. For me, our connection is already there.
Just have to go with the Flow
Dec 11 eve
Told him our age difference.
Father, to my surprise we message chatted on the phone for 2 hours today. Not sure where we are going but definitely our friendship has deepen. We can share with each other our deepest tots and dreams and fears. These two and half week we build a very good foundation for our relationship.
He told me that he was a loner up to age 15. From introvert becomes Ambivert.
Even now he normally doesn't talk unless he is close to the person.
With me he chat non stop albeit on whatsapp. Yes, must be past life connection.
When I said I m around his area, he immediately asked for meet up. He must have loads to tell me.
Today I told Linga that I have accepted Y and now her role to make Y accepts me.
Not sure what is future. Just one day at a time. Besides he seems to want to go full time, which means that he is not keen in relationship. But he is definitely keen on friendship with me. Guess it has been awhile since he can find someone on equal wavelength.
Resolution
Moment to moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet: both are unnecessarily moving in directions which does not exist. The only right person is one who lives moment to moment; whose arrow is directed to the moment, who is always here and now.
Only a non-ambitious man can remain in the present. A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate.
Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans. Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick up urself up, dust urself of, have a good laugh and carry on.
Told him our age difference.
Father, to my surprise we message chatted on the phone for 2 hours today. Not sure where we are going but definitely our friendship has deepen. We can share with each other our deepest tots and dreams and fears. These two and half week we build a very good foundation for our relationship.
He told me that he was a loner up to age 15. From introvert becomes Ambivert.
Even now he normally doesn't talk unless he is close to the person.
With me he chat non stop albeit on whatsapp. Yes, must be past life connection.
When I said I m around his area, he immediately asked for meet up. He must have loads to tell me.
Today I told Linga that I have accepted Y and now her role to make Y accepts me.
Not sure what is future. Just one day at a time. Besides he seems to want to go full time, which means that he is not keen in relationship. But he is definitely keen on friendship with me. Guess it has been awhile since he can find someone on equal wavelength.
Resolution
Moment to moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet: both are unnecessarily moving in directions which does not exist. The only right person is one who lives moment to moment; whose arrow is directed to the moment, who is always here and now.
Only a non-ambitious man can remain in the present. A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate.
Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans. Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick up urself up, dust urself of, have a good laugh and carry on.
Courage is needed to be open in communication in relationship
Dec 11
Woke up at 4 am from left shoulder pain. Try to sleep back and then body woke up wide awake at 5 am. Doze bit and got up 5.17 am, read messages from Y.
Shoulder too painful for Surya kriya and so did asanas instead. Not good but shoulder pain affect the asanas as I can't lift up my left hand.
Breathing was okay. Shakti was good and towards the end laughing followed by singing till preparatory steps. Shambavi was good too despite the aching shoulder.
End with silence, a sweet contented silence.
Finally shared with Y my age is in fourties. Best to get it out. I know our age difference so its my responsibility. Frankly I find him perfect for me; only the age difference has to be handled. For me I can do it as there is price to pay but reading his card I don't think so. Saying that this morning I told Linga that I accepted Y and now up to Linga to get Y to accept me.
Now perhaps finally activated the Postponement card. Told him the age difference. Last week postponement was acceptance of him. This week on the disclosure. At least already out; now his call.
He just read it but may be too busy to revert.
Today card
My Daily Card
The Jack of Hearts
The Jack of Hearts is known as the 'Christ Card', or the 'Card of Spiritual Sacrifice'. Whenever it is present, you will feel and be encouraged to elevate your thinking, speaking and acting to a higher level. You may also decide to make some sort of personal sacrifice when this influence is present. This would likely be for the sake of someone younger than yourself though it can take other forms. The period position will delineate the exact nature of the sacrifice you feel impelled to make.
In any case, this card does bring a strong dose of higher, spiritual love into our lives and will encourage us to do things from a higher motive than usual.
Soul
Mmm, yeah I was acting from higher motive. Full disclosure on our age difference.
And his age is younger than me.
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
Soul
Thats why I tot Z was the one, the family man. But I forgot that I am not a family woman and hence our values are different.
These 52 days is Four for both destiny and ruling.
Now that I got my values straigthen Y comes into my life.
Honestly I feel we are just right. When we are together in tots just so right.
Just being ourselves, being vulnerable and open and empowering each other.
I can be my spiritual or intellectual self; both he can handle.
Guess him being South Node in Aquarius and my North Node in 11th house, which is also Aquarius. Yes, he has values that I am keen.
But his North Node in Leo....and my North Node in Taurus...
Woke up at 4 am from left shoulder pain. Try to sleep back and then body woke up wide awake at 5 am. Doze bit and got up 5.17 am, read messages from Y.
Shoulder too painful for Surya kriya and so did asanas instead. Not good but shoulder pain affect the asanas as I can't lift up my left hand.
Breathing was okay. Shakti was good and towards the end laughing followed by singing till preparatory steps. Shambavi was good too despite the aching shoulder.
End with silence, a sweet contented silence.
Finally shared with Y my age is in fourties. Best to get it out. I know our age difference so its my responsibility. Frankly I find him perfect for me; only the age difference has to be handled. For me I can do it as there is price to pay but reading his card I don't think so. Saying that this morning I told Linga that I accepted Y and now up to Linga to get Y to accept me.
Now perhaps finally activated the Postponement card. Told him the age difference. Last week postponement was acceptance of him. This week on the disclosure. At least already out; now his call.
He just read it but may be too busy to revert.
Today card
My Daily Card
The Jack of Hearts
The Jack of Hearts is known as the 'Christ Card', or the 'Card of Spiritual Sacrifice'. Whenever it is present, you will feel and be encouraged to elevate your thinking, speaking and acting to a higher level. You may also decide to make some sort of personal sacrifice when this influence is present. This would likely be for the sake of someone younger than yourself though it can take other forms. The period position will delineate the exact nature of the sacrifice you feel impelled to make.
In any case, this card does bring a strong dose of higher, spiritual love into our lives and will encourage us to do things from a higher motive than usual.
Soul
Mmm, yeah I was acting from higher motive. Full disclosure on our age difference.
And his age is younger than me.
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
Soul
Thats why I tot Z was the one, the family man. But I forgot that I am not a family woman and hence our values are different.
These 52 days is Four for both destiny and ruling.
Now that I got my values straigthen Y comes into my life.
Honestly I feel we are just right. When we are together in tots just so right.
Just being ourselves, being vulnerable and open and empowering each other.
I can be my spiritual or intellectual self; both he can handle.
Guess him being South Node in Aquarius and my North Node in 11th house, which is also Aquarius. Yes, he has values that I am keen.
But his North Node in Leo....and my North Node in Taurus...
Monday, December 23, 2013
Another good closure on Z - acceptance now arrived
Dec 10 eve
Light the candle on the shrine and sang guru pooja.
Samyama was okay. Shoonya went in deep.
On guru pooja, tears came. It was some sadness as I was informed about Z again. Tears start to welt, but somehow I didn't cry as this tot came; Z is a family man. This latest news just goes to show that I was right in my assessment.
I went for him cos I tot I wanted a good family man, one who won't leave. What I wanted was a loyal man.
And while I am a loyal woman, I didn't realised is that I m not a family woman. So, Z was right in choosing his wife, a family woman as he is a family man.
So all in all, at least my perception on him was not totally flawed. It is the lack of clarity on my own values that is flawed.
Dec 23
Also, G is correct on Z being a typical guy who go for his own race, his own culture. Now that I ponder, yea, he thinks in his local dialect, no wonder finds it difficult to write in English. He also watches movies and listen to songs in his local dialect. He wants his wife to converse with his mother...
All in all he is comfortable in his local dialect. To go with me is a far departure from his comfort zone that he doesn't need. He already stretching on his business, he doesn't want to stretch in his home life.
And like G said, his wife looks up to him, whereas I don't. And Z knows that...as I told him too.
Mmm, just because I am game for change and new values due to my Ace of Diamonds...doesn't mean others can be like me. That's why I didn't envisage the difficulty for them....
Father, just need to learn to strenghten my values
Light the candle on the shrine and sang guru pooja.
Samyama was okay. Shoonya went in deep.
On guru pooja, tears came. It was some sadness as I was informed about Z again. Tears start to welt, but somehow I didn't cry as this tot came; Z is a family man. This latest news just goes to show that I was right in my assessment.
I went for him cos I tot I wanted a good family man, one who won't leave. What I wanted was a loyal man.
And while I am a loyal woman, I didn't realised is that I m not a family woman. So, Z was right in choosing his wife, a family woman as he is a family man.
So all in all, at least my perception on him was not totally flawed. It is the lack of clarity on my own values that is flawed.
Dec 23
Also, G is correct on Z being a typical guy who go for his own race, his own culture. Now that I ponder, yea, he thinks in his local dialect, no wonder finds it difficult to write in English. He also watches movies and listen to songs in his local dialect. He wants his wife to converse with his mother...
All in all he is comfortable in his local dialect. To go with me is a far departure from his comfort zone that he doesn't need. He already stretching on his business, he doesn't want to stretch in his home life.
And like G said, his wife looks up to him, whereas I don't. And Z knows that...as I told him too.
Mmm, just because I am game for change and new values due to my Ace of Diamonds...doesn't mean others can be like me. That's why I didn't envisage the difficulty for them....
Father, just need to learn to strenghten my values
Romantic fantasy on Y
Dec 10 mor
Just had a quick chat with Y. We set our first date for this weekend.
He too was earnest to meet up.
Looks like he truly was aspiring to be a Lion as his career is not going as fast as his output.
Today card in Venus. Thats Y's card.
My Daily Card
The Queen of Hearts
The Queen of Hearts is a card with many significant meanings. On one hand it represents 'the devoted mother', and thus can indicate a time when a woman conceives or gives birth to a child. It also can be the indicator of marriage for a man or woman, especially as the Venus, Long Range or Result Card.
It is also the card of sexual enjoyment and romantic fantasy. You can bet that when it appears, one or more of these qualities will be present in your life. The only negative manifestation of the Queen of Hearts may be a tendency towards laziness, fantasizing, or self indulgence. It could cause someone to put on some weight or overdo it sexually or otherwise.
Soul
Now that that I have decided and Osho Tarot said Moment to Moment, I just go with the flow.
As G said, this relationship was sent to me to close the remnants of my sadness over Z and to move on.
So, just accept this relationship as it was send by Linga.
Don't know about ending....
Since I can now see the blessing of the sad ending with Z...then I can be fearless..
Mmm, looks like it was romantic fantasy...
Just had a quick chat with Y. We set our first date for this weekend.
He too was earnest to meet up.
Looks like he truly was aspiring to be a Lion as his career is not going as fast as his output.
Today card in Venus. Thats Y's card.
My Daily Card
The Queen of Hearts
The Queen of Hearts is a card with many significant meanings. On one hand it represents 'the devoted mother', and thus can indicate a time when a woman conceives or gives birth to a child. It also can be the indicator of marriage for a man or woman, especially as the Venus, Long Range or Result Card.
It is also the card of sexual enjoyment and romantic fantasy. You can bet that when it appears, one or more of these qualities will be present in your life. The only negative manifestation of the Queen of Hearts may be a tendency towards laziness, fantasizing, or self indulgence. It could cause someone to put on some weight or overdo it sexually or otherwise.
Soul
Now that that I have decided and Osho Tarot said Moment to Moment, I just go with the flow.
As G said, this relationship was sent to me to close the remnants of my sadness over Z and to move on.
So, just accept this relationship as it was send by Linga.
Don't know about ending....
Since I can now see the blessing of the sad ending with Z...then I can be fearless..
Mmm, looks like it was romantic fantasy...
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Having Z in my space after break up is to provide clarity for my values
Dec 10
Woke up 3.50 am. Sang guru pooja, dancing again. Now improving on guru pooja.
Asanas were quite good. Able to have forehead touching knees for quite awhile. Breathing was okay. Shakti was good. Kapala Bhakti now effortless. End with laughter and dancing. Shambavi was good too. Towards the end, head was shaking vigorously. Then just silence. Nice.
Thanked Sadhguru. Told Linga that I accept Y. And if Y not the one, I m ready to receive the right one.
One thing for sure, I feel proud of bringing Y back to family. I choose him over Z.
Z is a good family man and I m not a family woman so we can never be. Y is a mental and spiritual man like me so we are truly compatible.
This week Osho tarot card
1. Issue - Postponement
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u wait so long.
Soul
This is second week I receive this card. Couldn't do it last week. Was on the fence on Y for the past few weeks.
Yea, finally I did it. Yesterday evening just decided that's its Y's profile I want. Even if Z was around, I will still pick Y anytime over Z.
Z and I not right for each other. So, finally complete.
I also asked for our meet up date that he requested earlier.
2. Internal influence
Lovers
At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there. Actually the biggest problem with sexual love of that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate for what it was - welcoming its happening and say good bye with gratitude when its not.
Then as we mature we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other.
Soul
This is the third consecutive week I received. The first week with Y I finally realised what I had with Z was only a physical relationship. Second week make me see that Y and I have a mental and spiritual relationship. So, our age difference doesn't affect our compatibility. Infact he is my match.
This week, finally seeing Z as the family man and we are not right for each other. Finally able to see the true blessing of our ending. I used to wonder God may want to make me suffer as Z still appears in my life after his marriage. Alas, it is to help me to clarify my values.
And this 52 days is Four of Diamonds in Destiny and Four of Hearts in Ruling.
3. External influence
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority and superiority disappear. Then u are simply there. A small bush or a big tree.
The way to find out who u are not is by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know.
Soul
Yes, there is a big age difference between Y and me. It may not be the world's norm. But I have always known I marry someone younger. So age difference not an issue. Of course prefers it to be less. But Y got added value of spirituality. And our main point of attraction was mental. We are both spiritually inclined. The last step for us is physical.
So, guess it doesn't matter.
Woke up 3.50 am. Sang guru pooja, dancing again. Now improving on guru pooja.
Asanas were quite good. Able to have forehead touching knees for quite awhile. Breathing was okay. Shakti was good. Kapala Bhakti now effortless. End with laughter and dancing. Shambavi was good too. Towards the end, head was shaking vigorously. Then just silence. Nice.
Thanked Sadhguru. Told Linga that I accept Y. And if Y not the one, I m ready to receive the right one.
One thing for sure, I feel proud of bringing Y back to family. I choose him over Z.
Z is a good family man and I m not a family woman so we can never be. Y is a mental and spiritual man like me so we are truly compatible.
This week Osho tarot card
1. Issue - Postponement
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u wait so long.
Soul
This is second week I receive this card. Couldn't do it last week. Was on the fence on Y for the past few weeks.
Yea, finally I did it. Yesterday evening just decided that's its Y's profile I want. Even if Z was around, I will still pick Y anytime over Z.
Z and I not right for each other. So, finally complete.
I also asked for our meet up date that he requested earlier.
2. Internal influence
Lovers
At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there. Actually the biggest problem with sexual love of that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate for what it was - welcoming its happening and say good bye with gratitude when its not.
Then as we mature we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other.
Soul
This is the third consecutive week I received. The first week with Y I finally realised what I had with Z was only a physical relationship. Second week make me see that Y and I have a mental and spiritual relationship. So, our age difference doesn't affect our compatibility. Infact he is my match.
This week, finally seeing Z as the family man and we are not right for each other. Finally able to see the true blessing of our ending. I used to wonder God may want to make me suffer as Z still appears in my life after his marriage. Alas, it is to help me to clarify my values.
And this 52 days is Four of Diamonds in Destiny and Four of Hearts in Ruling.
3. External influence
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority and superiority disappear. Then u are simply there. A small bush or a big tree.
The way to find out who u are not is by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know.
Soul
Yes, there is a big age difference between Y and me. It may not be the world's norm. But I have always known I marry someone younger. So age difference not an issue. Of course prefers it to be less. But Y got added value of spirituality. And our main point of attraction was mental. We are both spiritually inclined. The last step for us is physical.
So, guess it doesn't matter.
Releasing my suppresed emotion
Dec 9 eve
Just sang guru pooja and light the candle. When I sang guru pooja, I start to cry.
After I was done I did Samyama, a lovely sweet feeling.
Towards the end a tot came on Z's shrine, an expensive one. Mine is made up and even the stand are on boxes. Then a tot came, but mine has a lovely energy field. No need to compare.
I also told Linga and Sadhguru that if Y is the one they send, I accept him.
Towards the end, tears were released.
Finally no more postponement nor dilemma. I made up my mind and it is truly the profile of Y that I valued. The age difference is of no issue as our connection are mental and past life, spiritual. And now that we met up on a different level I can feel the physical attraction. We both enjoy sitting close to each other and talking to each other ears. He has a nice clean feeling and I like to get closer. Amen.
Just sang guru pooja and light the candle. When I sang guru pooja, I start to cry.
After I was done I did Samyama, a lovely sweet feeling.
Towards the end a tot came on Z's shrine, an expensive one. Mine is made up and even the stand are on boxes. Then a tot came, but mine has a lovely energy field. No need to compare.
I also told Linga and Sadhguru that if Y is the one they send, I accept him.
Towards the end, tears were released.
Finally no more postponement nor dilemma. I made up my mind and it is truly the profile of Y that I valued. The age difference is of no issue as our connection are mental and past life, spiritual. And now that we met up on a different level I can feel the physical attraction. We both enjoy sitting close to each other and talking to each other ears. He has a nice clean feeling and I like to get closer. Amen.
Slowly but surely changing my values on the type of partner that I truly wanted
Dec 9 aft
My 52 days card in Jupiter
My 52-Day Period Card
The Four of Diamonds
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.
Soul
Suddenly a tot occured to me.
I was indecisive over Y due to age differences.
It never occur me to compare Y with Z
It just occur with me to do comparison between both of them.
Thanks to this, I suddenly make a decision.
It wasn't forced. It just came.
I take Y anytime..
Father, suddenly it occurred to me that my values has strengthened.
Eventhough the age difference which I personally don't feel...cos I look very young..I can pass for early thirties..
And I don't even feel older than him...I just feel that we are matched.
And with Y, I knew I can refer to him..and when I am in trouble, I can refer to him.
With Z, when I was in trouble over the previous dilemma on 2 jobs, his every response only makes me piss off cos his answer was not only not supportive..it is not my values. And I recalled telling him that he is only making me feel worse instead of better..
And I recalled that was the first time we broke off. He said I don't make him feel good...True.
Anyway..I don't know if Y is the one...but what I know is that I would have chosen Y anytime over Z...
Thats my value....
Y may be lifetime vegetarian but I don't mind...food karma has lessen considerably..
My 52 days card in Jupiter
My 52-Day Period Card
The Four of Diamonds
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.
Soul
Suddenly a tot occured to me.
I was indecisive over Y due to age differences.
It never occur me to compare Y with Z
It just occur with me to do comparison between both of them.
Thanks to this, I suddenly make a decision.
It wasn't forced. It just came.
I take Y anytime..
Father, suddenly it occurred to me that my values has strengthened.
Eventhough the age difference which I personally don't feel...cos I look very young..I can pass for early thirties..
And I don't even feel older than him...I just feel that we are matched.
And with Y, I knew I can refer to him..and when I am in trouble, I can refer to him.
With Z, when I was in trouble over the previous dilemma on 2 jobs, his every response only makes me piss off cos his answer was not only not supportive..it is not my values. And I recalled telling him that he is only making me feel worse instead of better..
And I recalled that was the first time we broke off. He said I don't make him feel good...True.
Anyway..I don't know if Y is the one...but what I know is that I would have chosen Y anytime over Z...
Thats my value....
Y may be lifetime vegetarian but I don't mind...food karma has lessen considerably..
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