Taurus North Node - cosmic love

Dec 15

Yesterday I had such a insightful experience in the pool. Swimming breaststroke was effortless. I was just enjoying the water, feeling the water moment by moment. I can see the pool at the end but focus is on the moment. There were many people in the pool and I m able to maintain my float.
That's exactly this week Osho card resolution - Moment to moment. Then I met up with Y, we had a three and half hour meet and time just passed. And we were not tired. Guess we are comfortable being with each other.
He has his own life to lead. I can see that I m in his long range this year. I m his Cosmic Reward card to help him in his new values. He truly lead an accelerated life. His health deteriorate at mid twenties instead of mid thirties as others. No wonder I felt him very mature for his age.
Me, no more looking to him.

Me just tell Linga and Bhairavi and affirmed my wish that my husband and I will be in Kailash next year. Whatever need to happen will happen. I have released my compulsion to fill up the hole of soul mate. No more filling up with wrong guy. While I want my husband but the need to have is no longer there.

Whole family is here tonight. Took a family picture and we all look great.

Now reading Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller. Alas able to acknowledge all these. When I read it two years ago I can't. But now I can.

Misconception that blocks intimacy.
- my relationship work when I pour all my energy into supporting the other person
- I need to be in a relationship to survive
- I am safer if I ignored my boundaries
- If I reveal my needs, others may not respond in a positive way.
- others don't care enough for me to tune in to where I am coming from.
- supporting my partner means getting involved in helping them make their decision.

Soul
No more. No more compulsion. No more not having parameters. No more suppressing my feeling. No more one sided relationship.

Cosmic love by Jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
They are learning about the proper use of boundaries and the importance of letting the other person know their limits.

Soul
Two years ago I was vaguely aware but now I know it is true. I knew the compulsion due to me needing others validation to fill up valuation in personal and romantic relationships. No more. I know I m now in a new space.

Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
They denies their needs in the moment, and then demands that they be met in a specific way later on.
And then, whether their partner meets their needs or not, they cannot experience true intimacy because the natural reciprocal process that can be created when needs are expressed AS THEY ARISE has been circumvented.
Our true boundaries are not mental construct. They are innate, and are actually felt as an urge within the body that lets us know whether or not we feel comfortable in a particular situation.

Soul
Agreed.
No more. Even now I can say with P.
Even now with Y. I m learning to keep my parameters too.
I learned that I need not be guide. I learned that it is okay to avoid some friends; to not take their calls. I learned its okay to not always have to be first one to volunteer in Isha. It is okay sometimes to be the bystander.

Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
For most of us, stretching beyond our "comfort zone" is a requirement for the personal and spiritual growth. But for Taurus North node this process is reversed. They tend to feel safer when they discount their pen comfort and ignore their boundaries.

Soul
No more.
Like with Y. The old me would proceed. The new me sees the challenges not only for myself but Y and know it is not feasible.
Y was here to help me take final step of letting go of Z and I to help him take first step to let go of his mom. That's all. I m his cosmic reward card. In past lives, we definitely were together and he here to help me.

Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
It may even feel very frightened for them to remain aware of their comfort zone and stay within, but it is through this process that growth can occur. And in this lifetime, it is an absolute necessity if their relationships are to succeed. So if they feel uncertain in a situation, they need to slow down, take a deep breath and wait until they know if they are comfortable within the timing and the level of reciprocity that is unfolding. In this incarnation, there's no rush, they have plenty of time - and if they stay within the parameters of where they feel good about themselves, they will know they are on track.

Soul
Now that I m aware it is another compulsion to gather valuation. I no longer need to meet it.
Mmm, this breakthrough comes after letting go of coffee in Samyama.


Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
Taurus North node
Everyone wants to be comfortable. However this natives tend to be more concerned with the comfort of others - which they can't really control - and neglect taking the responsibility for creating what they need to feel comfortable.
The dynamics of this scenario blocks intimacy, because again it is not honest.
Others don't sense the resentment because the native covers it up. Intimacy is thwarted because the native sets it up for everything to be all about other people.

Soul
Mmm, having parameters and stating my parameters creates intimacy. In a way, my two session of breakthrough with P. Telling her I m afraid of picking up her calls due to excessive criticism and recently of due to her giving detailed instructions has brought us closer. Yes, we become intimate. We become real.

Alas. Now I know how intimacy is created.