Having Z in my space after break up is to provide clarity for my values

Dec 10
Woke up 3.50 am. Sang guru pooja, dancing again. Now improving on guru pooja.
Asanas were quite good. Able to have forehead touching knees for quite awhile. Breathing was okay. Shakti was good. Kapala Bhakti now effortless. End with laughter and dancing. Shambavi was good too. Towards the end, head was shaking vigorously. Then just silence. Nice.
Thanked Sadhguru. Told Linga that I accept Y. And if Y not the one, I m ready to receive the right one.
One thing for sure, I feel proud of bringing Y back to family. I choose him over Z.
Z is a good family man and I m not a family woman so we can never be. Y is a mental and spiritual man like me so we are truly compatible.

This week Osho tarot card
1. Issue - Postponement
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u wait so long.

Soul
This is second week I receive this card. Couldn't do it last week. Was on the fence on Y for the past few weeks.
Yea, finally I did it. Yesterday evening just decided that's its Y's profile I want. Even if Z was around, I will still pick Y anytime over Z.
Z and I not right for each other. So, finally complete.
I also asked for our meet up date that he requested earlier.

2. Internal influence
Lovers
At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there. Actually the biggest problem with sexual love of that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate for what it was - welcoming its happening and say good bye with gratitude when its not.
Then as we mature we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other.


Soul
This is the third consecutive week I received. The first week with Y I finally realised what I had with Z was only a physical relationship. Second week make me see that Y and I have a mental and spiritual relationship. So, our age difference doesn't affect our compatibility. Infact he is my match.
This week, finally seeing Z as the family man and we are not right for each other. Finally able to see the true blessing of our ending. I used to wonder God may want to make me suffer as Z still appears in my life after his marriage. Alas, it is to help me to clarify my values.
And this 52 days is Four of Diamonds in Destiny and Four of Hearts in Ruling.

3. External influence
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority and superiority disappear. Then u are simply there. A small bush or a big tree.
The way to find out who u are not is by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know.

Soul
Yes, there is a big age difference between Y and me. It may not be the world's norm. But I have always known I marry someone younger. So age difference not an issue. Of course prefers it to be less. But Y got added value of spirituality. And our main point of attraction was mental. We are both spiritually inclined. The last step for us is physical.
So, guess it doesn't matter.