Am I compulsively creating drama in my romantic life?

Dec 23 eve
Just now Pe shared that now at 60, she is scared to climb high stairs. Tot of me and Y; nope. don't want that to happen. I be forever messed in comparison. I m too insecure to handle it.
So if another older guy with similar values as Y, I will take the older guy.
No more challenges. I m slowly but surely realising that I will have a true loyal husband with me. The qualities of partners are improving.

Father, as I was updating my blog. I realised the difficulty Z must have faced in order to change his mind about us. Thats why it was a Pluto challenge for him.
Not only he has to change his issue on having children, issue on change of his culture, issue on changes to his family life. He lived and think in his own culture and dialect. On the outside he seems to be modern and he thinks he is modern but he is not. He is truly a traditional guy who wants to stick to his family life and his family culture.

Is something wrong with me?
Now that I no longer change jobs...why do I find such challenges in relationships?
Is something wrong with me???
Father, need some answers...

Father, thank you.
Why give myself all these stresses??
Ooh...so that I can be aware that I created them...

It is like Geneen Roth...creating dramas in her life and then complain about the dramas.
It is like we are compulsively creating the dramas.

I created challenging jobs because I needed the validation. I believed that I am only valuable if I am useful.

I created challenging relationships because I believed that I m not lovable enough..and so find challenging relationship and if I succeed I am truly lovable.
The failure rate is so damn high...
Then I complained about the failures...
This is ridiculous.....
From now on...no more difficult relationships.
It is my right to easy relationship just like it is my right to easy jobs.
I used to lament that why others can have easy jobs and I can't have.
The day I decided I no longer wants challenging jobs, easy job comes.
Infact now I can even work 3 days.

So, I am now changing my values...no more challenging relationships.
Better be alone than to have challenging relationships.
No more creation of misery for myself.