My compulsion is actually my attachment to valuation in romantic relationship

Dec 12
Woke up at 3.50 am to do my practices. Did one cycle of Surya kriya and followed with asanas. Much better than yesterday but shoulder not completely healed. Breathing was not okay; couldn't seem to sit well.
Shakti was great. Shambavi was fine.
My prevention was fine today. I truly liked the fact he asked how I felt inside instead of the outer results.
It was a surprise meet with Y. Seeing him in physical and knowing his state of family made me realised we are truly not possible. But immediately I turned to Linga. She will do the necessary. Also this is time to do Kapalvriksha. At least no more illusion. Just be there the way he was for me.

For Kapalvriksha truly comprise of 3 profiles.

Suddenly realised that Y has attachment issue to family especially his mom. Understandably due his Queen of Heart in Destiny. Finally unlocked his issues. Next step up to him.

Me suddenly tot why m I not attached to my family or parents. I know I love them but I never let them affect what I do or not do. It never even occurred to me to ask them for approval or etc. I just do it.
 I don't need to do anything or prove myself. My family will always be there. Then I realised that with my family my valuation is secure.
With work, I just need to defend my valuation as valuation already secured as I have rises to a career level I wanted.
With friends, valuation is just half and hence I need to do something to increase my valuation
With partner, there is nil. Hence I constantly on the lookout to have valuation. That's why I hold on to Z even after break up. At least some valuation remains.
Now I know its all about valuation. With my Ace and Queen of Diamonds. Alas, I need not seek anymore. I need not feel less valuable just because I don't have partner to give me valuation in romantic relationship.
Alas, my attachment is to valuation.
I feel a big block has been cleared. No more seeking valuation for romantic relationship.
Father, I no longer needs the wrong partner just to fill up valuation in romantic relationship.

My Daily Card in Jupiter
The Seven of Clubs

When the Seven of Clubs is present you will either be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self, or you will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping you trapped on lower levels of thought. The lowest side of this card is negative thinking. The highest side is mental and spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness. How it manifests for you will depend upon your ability to elevate your thinking.

Soul
This afternoon hearing Y said about his future plan. I went down some...and I realised it is my expectation for something that could not happen. So, for now just be his friend.
Perfect. Now realised that I was trying to fill up valuation in romantic relationship and went for the wrong guys.
Well, no more going for wrong guys
I will wait for the right guy from Linga.