I truly seek out challenging romantic relationships, just like I used to seek challenging jobs...

Dec 23 eve 1

Got this card..and I was wondering...how? where? what?

My Daily Card
The King of Diamonds

The King of Diamonds can often represent a successful business man, one who runs his own business, or a financial man such as a banker or stockbroker. He is successful and has a strong sense of values which have made him the success he is. So, when this card appears, you could have some dealings with someone like this or you could take on these qualities yourself.

The King of Diamonds often appears when we are ready to start our own business and it promises great success if we do. It is the highest card in the suit of money and values and as such bestows everything needed to make a success of some financial or business opportunity. When this card appears, don't let it go to waste. Find some way to be in business for yourself and go for it.

Towards evening, I suddenly realised how I compulsively created challenging romantic relationship for myself.
There were 2 issues:
Firstly, I wanted the challenges to prove the valuation for myself if I were to succeed. The riskier it is, the higher the valuation when I pass the challenge.
Secondly, with my Seven of Clubs; knowing the challenges, I began to visualise the negative outcome...and true enough negative outcome arise.
Thirdly, since the chances of failure is great and with the negative expectation - failure is assured ; so far I only faced failure. This failure then reaffirmed my perception of the low valuation I had....and hence I wallow in feeling unlovable..thinking it was my karma..

Well, no more...a few weeks ago I decided I won't compulsively feel the valuation in romantic relationship.
My values are intact without the romantic relationship.
If I want, I should go for easy relationship, not challenging ones that is doomed for failure.

Ironically, once I have this insight.
There was a breakthrough between Y and I.
He told me that he hate typing and chatting on phone. He only did it with me.
I told him the same for me too. Never in my life, have I ever chatted so long before.
I did it because thats what he wanted. He only message, he never call.
Whereas I called when I have to do so.
I am not sure of his issue...and I am not keen to know now.

What I know is that I am not taking this up.
No more...
I feel freed, I feel I have broken through...

The Issue - Guilt
Internal Influence - Suppression
External Influence - The Outsider
What to do - Sharing
Resolution -

Finally, I got back my values. My values are inside me I just need to recognised it. To remember the values are intact, they are not lost and I need not fill it with outside valuation.
No more.
Today, finally the door is open..
Amen.....

Father, thank you for sending Y into my life...
The chain of the past is finally broken,,,the door is open..and I finally walked out....
Now that I walked out...I can just be myself and share whenever I want to ....my values are intact...

And then I received a message that my friend in Ashram is chasing on my behalf for the pix of Vijii...
So lovely....
Yea..go for the easy one...

My 52-Day Period Card
The Four of Diamonds

The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.

Soul
This 52 days...I am going to straighten my values.
No more swinging to Ace..,,just remember I am a Queen and reaffirmed it.
It will happen...
It can only happen especially with Sadhguru's grace..