I was conditioned to value emotional control

Dec 23 aft
Good day. Did my office work. Just when I said nope, compulsively or naturally I gave the Facebook link of desert to Y.
Not sure.
Anyway, I know its not to be. No longer wants to have challenging relationship especially with one who is not sure of himself yet. My wish is for someone like him but aged 40. And if the person eat seafood will be greater still.

Women, Food and God
Children are tropistic; they grow in the direction of light and attention. That which is ignored in childhood does not develop. If a child is valued for accomplishment than what she does more than who she is - and The Voice will step in when she is not fulfilling its accomplishment quota. If ur parents were unaware of that which couldn't be accomplished or seen or proved, u grew up ignoring those dimensions of yourself. And the Voice will step in as cynicism and doubt when u veer into the world beyond appearances.
The Voice saps u of strength, cuts u off at the knees, and positions u in a world modelled on past authority figures who bark directions that are often cruel and almost irrelevant to who you are and what u love. By co-opting ur clarity and objective knowing, The Voice renders u incapable of contacting ur own authority.

Soul
What is valued in my house is emotional control.
Putting myself in position of weakness, of being rejected is no no.
Always be the smart one; don't be on losing end.
Seeking for help is not good. Better to give help instead.
Power is responsibility.

No wonder I feel worst when I m in position of need instead of give.
So I make myself in position of give but then burnt out or resentful cos I gave too much without return.

Just because I m emotionally stable I had to accept friends who are unstable. Now I know I need not. My power are my own. I earned them. Others have to earned their own power too.


Women Food and God
When u disengage from The Voice, u have access to everything The Voice supposedly offer: clarity and intelligence and true discernment. Strength, value and joy. Compassion. Curiosity.
Love. Nothing is wrong because there is no right.

Since The Voice feels so much like u, and since u are utterly convinced that without it u would romp through life without restraint or morality, releasing urself from its grip takes a bit of time; it happens in stages.

U begin by naming The Voice and its effect on u. And while this sounds like an easy task, its more like pulling steel from a magnet. Often u are not aware that u are under the influences until u are reeling from its harangues. U notice that u felt like urself ten minutes ago, but now u feel like Superman after he's been exposed to Kryptonite by Lex Luthor; disappeared, diminished, weak, incapable, humiliated, ashamed.

Soul
So true. Especially in romantic relationship.