Just have to live through my emotion...it can't destroy me

Dec 22 aft

Mystic Musing
Ur energies, according to ur karmic structure, are apportioned different possibilities. There is something for ur pain. There is something for ur grief. There's something for ur joy. There's something for ur love. This is Pradabha karma. It is not just in ur mind, because the data is like that; the energy is flowing in those directions. If those things doesn't find full expression, if u deny them, they will take root in completely different way.

If u deprive urself of any experience - whether it is pain, suffering, joy or whatever it is - if u avoid it, that is big karma. If u go through it, it not so much of a karma.
Every living moment of ur life, if u live it totally, u dissolve enormous amount of karma. Living totally doesn't meant just having fun.  Anything and everything that comes, u just experience it fully, intensely.

Soul
A reminder to just stay and go through it.
Just experience it fully.
I am glad I didn't get to see doctor to numb myself with medication/sleep.
Just faced it.
Need not bolt, need not numb myself.
Just faced it.
Just need to remember Y is not the goal; my Self is the goal.

Was updating my blog and saw this:
G shared with me her first one was physical, her second one was mental. With her husband it was both physical and mental. With her husband, it was very fast. By third date, she already shift in with him.
I m glad for her visit. I already decided this morning that Y is not meant for me. I want my real partner , my husband. I want the one I have spiritual connection too. Now I can see that Y's spiritual experience is not as deep as mine. 

Soul
Thats great..
The next one be both physical and mental and spiritual too.
Actually it has to be spiritual first and emotion...
Physical and mental can take a back stand...I have enough of that.
I now realised that I want both spiritual and emotional; only with that relationship can grow.
Physical and mental doesn't help in relationship to grow.

This is truly great....
Yes, Z and I can't grow cos it was a physical relationship
Y and I can't grow cos it was a mental relationship.

The next one to be on emotion and spiritual; then i will truly prosper...

Father, finally I can see the relationship with Y is just only mental and nothing more...
The karma is broken.
It is broken cos I was not making him into the partner; I wanted to see the relationship as it is.
Father, I feel the veil is lifted.
I called him just now...but he didn't pick up.
Alas....I know now...I feel freed...

Since the veil is lifted, we chatted and he just said that he is not always thinking of his spiritual goals. He said we are both asking and answering on spiritual matters. He said he was exasperated that I am analysing him. Glad that is all cleared.
Father, the attraction has dimmed for me....
Totally unexpected....
The karma is broken...relationships has lost it hold on me.