Finally realised what I had with Z was just a physical relationship

Nov 29 aft

Was updating my blog and saw this:
Adyatmat Upanishad
Buddha
U will come to a state where there remains nothing to be attained or to be lost, and this become ur own experience - that nothing can be attained and nothing can be lost.

Soul
For the first time it hit me...nothing can be attained and nothing can be lost.
When I am in the meditation mode, mindless mode..
I feel complete..contented..
All my losses meant nothing..my contentment and joy still is..
On attaintment..not sure..

There was a mail and I responded. I deliberately didn't want to whatsapp Y. Moments later he whatsapp me instead. I can see that excitement arose. I slow it down. No more on that high trip. No more reading too much into things. I just focus on my breathing and calm down.
I waited and then replied. Couldn't help being natural and asked something bit personal but he didn't respond. He just stick to facts and I follow suits.

Now doing up the abridged Upanishad and saw this.
The whole message of life is detachment. Life brings u sorrow from all directions, but still detachment does not arise.
Detachment is language of life. If u search, if u do not deceive yourself, then all are helpful - a friend as well as enemy, all are helpful in leading u towards detachment.

Soul
My dream is Self Mastery. So need to learn this.

Just read this in my blog
Upanishad
A person who let himself loose and relaxed, who is not swimming but floating effortlessly, moving with the river wherever it takes him. It is fine with him if it takes him somewhere, and if it does not take him anywhere that too is fine - such a person attained to relaxedness.

Soul
This interaction with Y led me to realise what I had with Z was sexual love. Not sure we going anywhere. But at least I got freed from Z and finally understand the meaning of Lovers card. Amen.
And also new beginning for me. Glad to have tots of another man apart from Z. That itself is a breakthrough. Now next step is not to go old route. Samyama will help.