Courage to break my own heart

Dec 20 eve
Landed and received messages from Y.  We exchanged some messages. Then I teased him again on the matchmaking issue. He wanted to say something but stopped himself. He was bit miffed.
Later I msg him and he read but didn't reply. The old me wanted to bolt again. Wanted to delete our messages. Wanted this to end soon so I can face the pain. Yea, that's the old me. The new me just want to observe this. I m not going to bolt. I m not going to accelerate nor run. I m not going to put up defences. I m just going to let it be. I m going to go with the flow.

From rebellesociety.com
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
~ Cheryl Strayed  - Dear Sugar

Soul
I did put up a good fight on Z. I lost him in the end but I found my Self.

From rebellesociety.com
I hope that I get to see you love what you are. To know yourself as gift and worth and truth. That you see what a huge thing it is to have the courage to break your own heart.
That you have chosen wholeness — even when it has shattered you. And that you will one day see that you can be whole and broken in the exact same spaces, that they nestle side by side — and that this is the way of things. Not your punishment for wrongdoing, or for not trying hard enough — but just the way of things.
That you can stand and look at yourself in a mirror and see your goodness right there, see the worth of what you bring on the surface of your skin, just like I do. That you trust there is brilliance to come. That you own what is yours to own, both the bad and the good. That you do not insist on owning it all. It was never all yours to hold. Release to the wind, love. Let it be carried away on the breeze. It does not serve you now.

Soul
Amen.

From rebellesociety.com
http://www.peacelovefree.com/
I know you, and your darkness and your shadow and all the things for which you practice self-flagellation. And I still see you as good, and true and strong and powerful and exquisitely present in this world. You have not chosen the easy way. Life has not granted you a gentle path. Not even close.
But you have followed your own trail, again and again and again. You have done what you needed to move forward. You have placed one foot in front of the other and kept on going – even when that was the most difficult thing to do.

Soul
Amen

From rebellesociety.com
http://www.peacelovefree.com/
I wish for you so very much. Seaside wishes and spin the bottle daydreams. Lucky pennies and shooting stars. A safe place to fall and a high place to leap from into the deepest pool of the clearest water. That you shed the shackles of past and grief and loss and betrayal. I hope you are possessiveness of your own wilderness. That you stake your claim and encircle your space with charm and enchantment and only grant entrance to those who bring you fully alive.

Soul
Love this.