Feeling bit down and calling out to Linga

Dec 5

Body woke up around 5 am, and I slept back. Then it woke up around 6 am and I slept back again. Alas, it woke up around 7 am. I said it is enough, eventhough my alarm was for 7.30 am. I got up at 7.16 am.

Sang gurupooja...nice
Did one cycle of Surya kriya and asanas. Asanas were okay, not great. I know I am holding back something..Not myself today..but not sure what. I recalled my card this week about making a decision and jump. But not sure what it could be.
Breakthing was nice...
Did Shakti...it was so great. I love it. The depth of being is felt greatly. Love Shakti now.
Shambavi not as great...as some lingering tots of past comes in..and I knew that mind is bring past tots as something in present is more disturbing. There were some tots of Y, but I truly don't want to go there.
Towards the end, just contentment and silence.
Plough back wasnt great, just okay.
After the practices, I just go near to the shrine to say my prayer of thanks again.
When I see Sadhguru, I started to cry....I said, I am sorry Sadhguru, but I truly wanted my husband...
I cried for awhile...
Then suddenly Linga called out to me and I saw her and I cry again..I said I truly wanted my husband..and I truly don't want to go a challenging one with Y.....I can't go thru another challenge like the one I went thru with Z.
I cried again. I just said my prayer of thanks to Linga for granting my wishes.
Alas, I realised that my heart is triggered by Y but mental is saying nope, cos it is big challenge and I truly don't want to go there. Lets sleep on this.
Yesterday accident may jolt me up on this. But I m not ready to open up. And I am sure neither is he. Let me remember he just need my support for now...and perhaps he came into my life when I needed new beginning..thats all.
As for my husband, I let Linga and Sadhguru do the necessary.

Got a call and message from L, the one who gave me those abusive phone mesages. There is no word of apology and expect me to be on the beck of her call. I didn't return her call and just replied via message that I m not available and suggest another person for her. She reverted never mind..I know her feelings are bit hurt. But she must think I m a pushover for forgetting about her verbal abuse. I am no longer angry at her per se but neither is she someone that I want to have in my personal space.

Went for breakfast at my usual cafe.
Order local dish and tea. Avoiding coffee. Alas the tea came with loads of milk, which has a dulling effect and I can see my body rejecting it too.
So, I just drink half and order my usual hot honey lemon instead.
Father, coffee is now slowly but surely going off.

Today bit hectic on work matter. I was supposed to be off as tomorrow I am working. Looks like my chosen alternative days works well. Continuous off days are not good.


My Daily Card in Jupiter
The Jack of Hearts

The Jack of Hearts is known as the 'Christ Card', or the 'Card of Spiritual Sacrifice'. Whenever it is present, you will feel and be encouraged to elevate your thinking, speaking and acting to a higher level. You may also decide to make some sort of personal sacrifice when this influence is present. This would likely be for the sake of someone younger than yourself though it can take other forms. The period position will delineate the exact nature of the sacrifice you feel impelled to make.

In any case, this card does bring a strong dose of higher, spiritual love into our lives and will encourage us to do things from a higher motive than usual.