Facing my karma in relationship (36)

Feb 21

Father, there is no problem. Now I am happy.
When I did yoga. I asked God for a new approach. I don't know how to proceed. Past approach was neediness and now approach is couldn't bothered attitude. I think second approach may not be right too. I don't know what to do anymore. Help me.
An answer came ' He is a good man and I want him"
When the answer came, I found myself still. All the tots stop. I got nothing to say.

He is not good as in nice, or woo me or etc. He cannot multi task cos he is too focused. His focus will be on work and I won't be his priority. He is a fine man, have courage, integrity, hard working, preserverance. We have great connections.

I resisted what is. I know he is a good man and I want him, but I resist his package, indian food, his lack of prioritisation for me, his unwillingness to commit and etc, his lack of wooing.

But I surrendered cos the root is he is a good man and I want him.

Expect a miracle
The thing about surrender is that when we don't do it voluntarily, life will progressively nudge (or sometimes shove) us towards embracing it anyway.

It is often by exhaustion that we come to grips with how we have been hanging on to and micromanaging every detail of our lives.
We r not being reprimanded, but cared for and spared the illusion of control. Surrender, acceptance - this conscious letting go returns us to stillness and it is in that stillness that we tap into Grace, the source of all miracles.


Soul
Yea, I am tired. I also don't like I avoid it by sleeping. Since I can't allow myself to act, nor allow myself the uncertainty of waiting, I sleep to let it past me by. I know I need help. And the dvd by Ekhart Tolle helped; U don't demand that others behave the way u want so that u can be happy. U don't have to stay unhappy just becos they don't behave the way u want.
Now I know why I m tired, I am using my control over myself. I am not being my joyful self without any fear.
I was trying to protect myself. I wanted to prove to him that I can control myself too. I know my body is already into him and my emotion too, I can't control them and I cannot let my mind fall too.

Actually he doesn't even does that. He was too focused on his work. He did not force himself not to think of me. His mind was occupied. No wonder I am handling pluto and saturn whereas his is mercury and venus.

(Apr 2 - he did have tots of me, he let it slipped when he told me he was frustrated cos I was giving him mixed signals. If he is not bothered, he wouldn't watched out for my signals.)

Expect a miracle
ACIM states "a miracle is a radical shift in consciousness from a tot process based on fear to a tot process based on love."
The change is all in our head.

We get what we expect. And we never get more than what we are ready for. Change will happen as quickly or as slowly as u can handle.

Mantra ; Miracles are my constant potential and I now open myself to their manifesting.

Soul
I can relate to that. So many amazing things has happen these last 3 years.

Father, as I look back, none of the partners I really wanted except for Raj. And I can't say I was ready for any partners as I was too afraid of losing control, too afraid to face any uncertainty. So, alas, I knew why all potential rship never lift off as I wouldn't allow it.