Facing my karma in relationship (43) - lay down ground rules

Mar 4 Eve
Father, we talked about the risk.
He is afraid of 'problem risk' and afraid of 'hurting' me.

I am afraid of emotional risk and physical risk.

It was bit hurtful to the pride. Him saying that he didn't want to reply my sms cos he doesn't want me to be emotionally involved with him. I told him the best way to douch me is to tell me directly that he didn't want me to call him so often and then I would just cut him off and run.

I told him that I am coming in knowing the emotional risk I am taking. My agenda is not him. My agenda is for my own transformation. And now that I know my defense mechanism is to run, I am no longer afraid I would hold on or need him.

Another thing is I don't think I want to go overseas with him. We just keep it simple, maybe once a week or once a fortnight.

Father, again a reiteration from him. Of course, my pride is dented. So, I will now eliminate him from my portfolio. My strategy is just to get my release and learn all that I can. I told him that I now see him as a friend for a season. And he is my learning tool in my sexuality. So, I now transferred him into the Sexual Therapist role.

Father, I just know I want to enjoy it, get the release I need and get out. I just text him that we do our first overnight meet and we go a resort. I just want to move forward. As for future meets. I don't want to think about it. For now, its just both of us having fun. I plan to make the first time as the last time. We will go dutch.

He is the first man, and will not be the last man. I need not worry. For now, I need to release all the pent up sexuality in me. For him too. That's all.

He talked about us renting a condo for future meets. I said we will not meet often. But he said easier to have fun. I am not sure of future. For now, I just want to have my release.
(Apr 17 -he is still talking about it and now even thinking of buying one so that we can spend time together.)