Cosmic Lesson (30) - one step at a time

Mar 6

Woke up with tot of Z. What a challenge! I cannot be myself, need to withhold myself. On second tot, what is myself? Do I really miss him or its becos I worried he forget abt me. I don't have to worry that he let go, cos he always hold, which I cannot understand. Bloody hell, its like a pgm that I had to do.

Then tot of rship with Z is like a BSP. Must go thru and must participate.

Alas, I cannot predict a good future, so I will stop. For now, just focus that we both want each other.

Aiyoh, the mind is talking again. If I continue with Z, cannot get out. I be like Z. Then I cannot have the partner I deserved.

I never expect that I would have to go thru this challenge. A tot came, u do have abandonment.

Bloody hell, abandon me lah. My problem is he doesn't want to let go and that makes me difficult also. And main thing is I want him and my sexual liberation.
Ok. Now just focus on the sexual liberation. To say I want him is getting on my ego especially since he said he just want my body.

Did my morning walk, quite effortless. Tot of Z a lot. In the third round, I said I m tired and I just say Thank You Z and watch my breathe, I felt calmer.
I wish Z can walk with me. Enjoying the market, the people.

Morning
Start to have angry tots of Z. Aiyoh, BSP that I need to go thru. Don't want to waste so much energy on him. Okie, its a happy problem, a guy wants me for my body.

Osho transformation
With a change of mind, ur being is transformed - from hell to heaven.
When u act unconsciously, without awareness, u r in hell;
Whenever u r conscious, when u act with full awareness, u r in heaven.

Seven of Heart in Saturn ends on 20 Mar - 2 more weeks to go. But somehow I know it will not just end cos I see Seven of Spades continue till end June. Father, guide me through.

Father, this mornin as I was walking, after tired of having conflicting tots of Z. I just say TQ Z and I felt a sense of calm. When I looked at the trees and landscape, I saw their beauty and peace settled with me. How can I have the peace continuously?

Answer - taking it easily and simply; one step at a time. I guess I must be conscious of my tots, when it is judging either me or Z, I must let go and not hold on and let it extrapolate. I want peace. I have made my decision. I just need to focus on breathe and let the tot flow.

Just write my article on being One with Water, a prelude of being One with Life.