To grow, one has to live in insecurity

Mar 20
Father, teacher is going at it again. This time I didn't react to her email. I just respond cordially and even tell her where I didn't follow the rule for sathsang.

But I am disappointed in her. She doesn't trust us to do the right thing or perhaps she doesn't trust us to follow the rules. Anyway, if she comes back and cause a fuss, this will be the time I will release sathsang. I am not one to follow strict rules per se. Perhaps not my role.
Mmmm, is this me being negative? Do I really don't want sathsang or I am reacting because of criticism. Actually, nope, the price to pay as a sathsang guide is too much.

Evening
Tot of Z. He has not called me back. We haven't spoken for nearly 3 days. I wonder if his finance is down and he cannot offer me anything. He was feeling bad about it. And worse still when I told him my concept. Alas, nowadays no concept.

Osho - Kabir
What makes a man enlightened is the realisation that he is like a fool.
Nature is God to Kabir - the trees, the rocks and the rivers and mountain. God is there, breathing, flowering and flowing. Just go there silently, innocently, ignorantly. Just go there and let life takes possession of u.
Life has to be lived without questions and without answers; only then u live in its authenticity.
Don't try to possess life - that's what the ego goes on doing.
Don't try to grab it, allow urself to be possessed by it.

To be an individual one has to live in insecurity, without any armour. One has to live vulnerably, without any protection; one has to live dangerously.

Soul
I must have bought and read this nearly 2 years ago. Somehow I cannot recall it. But now I am living, not deciding with my usual control mode, I am now letting things come in and then act. Mmm, looks like I am on the right track. It takes courage to live vulnerably. It takes the ability to lose.
Me with Z. To be with him and not with him.

Osho - Kabir
A child wants love, a grown-up gives love; that is the difference between a child and a grown-up man.

When u r a grown-up, when u start giving, when u start sharing love....and this is one of the greatest problems each and every human being has to face. The real problem is most people are immature, they have aged but not grown-up. In couples, are two beggars begging from each other and nobody is ready to give, nobody has anything to give - naturally they both become very, very angry.

Just watch; when u love a person, what is the motive? You want to be loved? - then it is childish. Or u want to share ur love, u have so much that u would like to share it, u have so much that u would like to shower it, then it is mature. Immature love is a beggar, mature love is a king.

Soul
Just now I already tot of offering to pay again. I just want to spend time with him and enjoy each other company. I can afford to pay and it is ok to pay.
I also recalled my 'tots' when he first shared with me his divorce. I silently said to him; "No worries, ur time has come. I will love u, u need not beg for it anymore".

(Apr 25 - Wow! I have forgotten about this and year I am still in swing mode and unable to give my commitment.)

Osho - Kabir
Love gives u eyes to see that this whole existence is full of divinity. Then u don't call God, "the Father" or "the Mother", in fact, then u don't give it any name.