Facing my karma in relationship (42) - lay down ground rules

Mar 4 Aft

Father, I have to take the pill. Of course, feeling bit edgy. I need to take daily.
First session to start on first day of menses. One pack is 21 day. Okie, take responsibility for myself. I want to play and this is the price to pay.


Evening
I woke up and had a tot we have 2 frightened people. Both of us also afraid that it will end bad.

He seems to be afraid that it will end bad for me. I too am afraid it will end bad.

I tot of my earlier strategy of getting it done and ending it asap. Then I know its my fear again, to do and run as fast as possible.

Again tot that I am looking at future again. Will just focus on now. I too am afraid but I have decided to stay and see it through.

Of cos had a tot on if he is afraid of hurting me. Why don't he let me go? Ego says he like me. Well, I don't want to dream anymore. He has told me repeatedly that he doesn't want to be involved.

Just now when he said about I like him and he is worried. I told him that's its my problem. Z keep on saying that he is experienced and will drive it. I don't like him to 'drive' me. I told him he doesn't have to manage me. Just tell me directly and I will leave him. Now that I know my defense mechanism, I am no longer afraid. But I guess he doesn't want to lose us yet.

Father, we r both thinkers. Discussing us like a biz deal. Each laying our parameters. Each giving our piece of mind. I felt great that I was able to tell him that I didn't like to eat the pills and he said I don't have to eat daily. Great, we found a middle ground.