Facing pain body on 'incessant criticism/authority

Mar 15

Father, thank U. The first step was difficult, so much internal drama. I guess this part of letting someone come into my life. Intimacy is about compromise and corporation. Towards the end of practice, I open up and tot it be nice to be with him. So, packed up. Why do I restrict myself? Why do I make myself available only at certain hour.


Mmm, suddenly tot of me and teacher. Perhaps its me. Looking back, I may have triggered her. But I did it out of defense for others.
Anyway, just now was having tots of her. I didn't like it and asked for alternative tots. The trees caught my eyes and I was absorbed in them that I become not aware of music.
A tot came, M said he disregard teacher as she is not representative of Isha nor Sadhguru. He basically ignored her. Like V said, ignored her.
We have build up KL and need not bother with her. She wants to attack, just ignore her.

The Power of Now
Negativity is never the optimum way of dealing with any situation. Infact, in most cases, it keep u stuck in it, blocking real change.
U r responsible for ur inner space.

Soul
Such a coincidence. When I read this yday, I tot I had none. Then I know its the one with teacher. I know I am reacting becos of the body pain with brother's criticism.

The Power of Now
U drop it by recognising that u don't want to suffer pain or carry the burden anymore and then letting go of it.
Deep unconsciousness usually needs to be transmuted through acceptance combined with the light of ur presence - ur sustained attention.

Soul
A tot came by, let her win. Its no big deal to me to win in Isha. But for her is a big deal, cos its her home ground. Face it, I am not in authority to shed light to her as she thinks I am her prodigy. So, I need not continue to 'teach' her. Just like I want her to back off, I too should back off.

The Power of Now
When u have been practising acceptance for a while as u have, there comes a point when u need to go on to the next stage, where those negative emotions are not created anymore. If u don't, ur "acceptance" just become a mental label that allows ur ego to continue to indulge in unhappiness and so strengthen its sense of separation.

When u complain, u make urself. Into a victim. When u speak out, u r in power. So change the situation by
1. taking action, or
2. by speaking out if necessary or possible;
3. leave the situation or accept it.
All else is madness.

If u want to take responsibility for ur life, u must choose on of those three options, and u must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep ur inner space clear.

If u take any action - leaving or changing ur situation - drop the negativity first, if at all possible. Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.

Soul
I have tried speaking out but it seems to trigger and intensifies her.
Let's face it, I can let this go but it will continue for other sections too
A tot came in, how to make this a win win situation.
This situation occur because I was taking a lead to defend the team. Is there any relation to sathsang?
Just like mine was pain body. Hers is also too.
Actually if I remove sathsang, I lost my clout of nego and definitely won't be able to lead. Do I want to lead?? Actually no. For me, is a form of volunteering.

A tot came - just be vulnerable. Just tell her how I feel when I received her continuous criticism. Tell her how I am impacted. Perhaps, I am not so receptive to relentless criticism. But different people different strokes, just like u don't treat a flower the same way u do a stone.

Mmm, just when I decided to be vulnerable, there is no mails from her. Just send her the sathsang report.

(Apr 23 - after i disengage from my pain body of incessant criticism, higher authority, my relationship with her has improved a lot. We now respect each other boundary.)

Mmm, today is my Venus day.

Mar 15 Aft
Father, yea. Although Z keep on saying no commitment, but he does his part in keeping us up. Me, wanted commitment from him, but didn't do my part.
Him sharing about J yday goes to prove that he is selective.

Ah, now I realised what he meant. He wanted to drive the rship so that I don't get too attached to him and asked for marriage. He is not saying he doesn't want me. He wants us to be companion to each other. Previously it was me helping him and now its we helping each other.