Cosmic Lesson (27) - staying put

Mar 4 Late Eve

Got his reply. First thing was to reply immediately. Then I tot he doesn't want it. So, don't have to reply first. Did my samyama and have tot of him. M glad to say I was only a bit affected. So, no worries when I need to end it. Mmm, tot of Nine of Heart and his also, we r supposed to either end it or begin a new way of approaching rship.

Father, he tot I missed him so much. Actually not true. Like him I too don't place rship first. I place my own valuation first. I msg him becos I want him to feel that I have not left him, I am still with him and he is lovable. I guess I projected my need on him.
Since I have abandonment issue, I want to know I am secure in my partner's tot, I am lovable.
Now that he has state exactly how he felt, I now feel free to be who I am.
SL called me on her situation and since I saw the substance is similar to mine. I told her about my story and I was not afraid about her judgement. She asked if I am afraid. I said yes, but my eyes is focused on my target. The worst thing I need to pay is a great cry. But I know the crying will not last forever and it will be over and I will be stronger.
Like Sadhguru said, there is no correct path, there is one path and I can choose to walk or not. Now that I choose to walk, I plan to make it a happy walk and I will manage my own exit.

Father, Thank U for Z. U have chosen a good person as my Cosmic lesson. Even when we end, we will become friends. He has made this lesson much more easy as he is honest with me. I like the fact that I am ok to get angry with him. I never had this before. I even called him an arrogant bastard. Both of us are Drivers, used to getting things we want. I admit I haven't succeed with romantic rship, whereas he seems the be the pro, the gals always gave to him. I told him earlier it seems all the gals pampered him and I told him I won't.
Not me, I even told him I didn't like the pills but since I am taking emotional risk, I will ensure there is no physical risk. He then counter replied that since m taking, he can do direct. I told him nope, let's stick to his strategy of indirect.
I also told him I m not like other gals, I hate things 'leceh', I don't like to carry tupperware and I don't do housework.
If he think he can manage me, he must be kidding. Mmm, knowing there is no hope and its just fun, somehow I become more at ease. Since there is no achievement mode, I can just play it being myself.