Cosmic Lesson (35) - the hard lesson is over

Mar 21 Eve
Father, he didn't return my call last night. So, I called again and there is no answer. I can see my mind spiral back to the past. And now I am reading my past blog which further enhance it.

Father, when I draw my Osho card of the Past, I tot why? And now I know. Anyway, I have known so much about him and he already said we continue and he also said he will make up to me and he wants to for weekend instead.
He is not abandoning me. I need not believe my mind. The old me would have listen and drop a nasty or desperate message. But the new me don't want to believe it and need not react.
We have come a long way and he is a fine man, a real diamond. So, I will wait. He will be back.

Now a tot came. He is probably asleep. He told me that he need a nap before he can do his study.

He called me back soon after. He told me that he wanted to call me back this morning but no time. Then he wanted to text me but forgot to do so. I asked about his finances. He said will only recover either this month end or latest mid next month. He said he felt bad about me paying up. I told him this is also new for me. I also told him that I was disappointed the first time but now I am fine, must be the meditation. I said I would like to meet up this Thur and he said he will find the money to pay up. He asked me to go ahead to book. I told him not to stress himself as I can pay. One of the advantage of dating a financially ok gal.

Father, am not sure if its psychological. But I know my body seems to falter a bit whenever I swallow the pill. Its like certain switch goes down.

Osho
Prayer is a reward to meditator; it is a consequence. Prayers means a dialogue with the universal mind. Wait, be patient, first be capable of that dialogue and then u need not go anywhere. When u r silent, u hear that still small voice within ur heart. Meditation makes u receptive. In that receptivity, u start hearing God talking to u. Real prayer is when God talks to u, unreal prayer is when u talk to God.

Soul
I now sing suddenly whenever I quiet down, especially if I am near a tree. I am now receptive to nature. I am not sure if they make me present or I am present and hence can see them.

Osho
The healthy is too busy enjoying, he does not bother to dominate others. The unhealthy cannot enjoy, he put his whole energy into dominating. One who can sing a song and can dance a dance, sing and dances; he celebrates under the stars. But one who cannot dance is crippled, is paralyzed. He lies down there in the corner and plans how to dominate people; he becomes cunning.

Soul
My tots exactly. When u are not happy and don't have legitimate power, u want power over others.

Osho
Love life, be more happy. God can come only to a happy soul. Only when u r utterly happy, is there a possibility, otherwise not - because misery closes u, bliss opens u up. Love life, love his creation; that is the only way to love God. God is life in its totaliy.

A happy person is a flower; he is so happy, he is so blessed, that he can bless the whole world. He is so blessed that he can afford to be open. He has nothing to fear. All is so good, all is so friendly, the whole existence is befriending him.

Soul
Yeap, I am nearly there.