Focus on breath - samyama

Mar 6 Eve
Today, I was in the Cafe for 5 hours. Did an article, write mail on Isha and update blog.
Was planning to sleep but got side tracked with a packet of meatball noodles and now too full to sleep.
Tot of my video promotion, can actually just use 1 article for discussion. I can start of sharing my experience and learning via the article. Then invite audience to share theirs.
Feel much better after reading my blog. I have grown much. Actually the situation between Z and me hasn't changed except the fact that Z confirmation that he is not emotionally involved and he doesn't want any commitment. He prefers that I also date other guys so that I don't hold on to him as he doesn't want me to be hurt. So, all in all, its my pride that's is hurting.
Anyway, I am fine now.

(Apr 20 - so much drama..over nothing. Father, I am feeling calm)

The Power of Now - Ekhart Tolle
Enlightenment is a state of wholeness, of being "at one" and therefore at peace.
At one with life in its manifested aspect, the world, as well as ur deepest self and life unmanifested.

Soul
Tot of me being at One with Water and now want to be at One with Me.

Evenin
Woke up from sleep and mind still want to do Z. I don't want. I focus on my breath.
Again I dreamt. A guy was kissing me and my eyes was closed. He was a great kisser and then I tot that is not Z. I then run away and a guy chased me for my BB, thinking that I had evidence of the big shot who kissed me. I said nope and he let me be. Then I continue to wait for Z and he came but it was like a very long time or many years cos he has grown very old. We hug each other. Weird dream.

Father, let me use this spiral energy for my enlightenment instead. I am focusing on my breath as I think my mind is running wild. Why so fearful?? I want Z and I trust him. And everytime I overcome my challenge with him, I grow. So, why so fearful?? Decision is made, so move on.

(Apr 20 - I shared the dream with Z and we have a laugh over it. )

The Power of Now
The incessant mental noise prevents u from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being. It also create a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.
Enlightenment is at one with Being. Enlightenment is not only the end of suffering and of continuous conflict within and without, but also the end of the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking. What an incredible liberation this is!
Identification with ur mind creates an opaque screen of concepts that separate between u and urself, u and others.

Soul
When I focus on the water below me and my breath, I become one with water. The swim was effortless.
My mind is on compulsion mode. I am focusing on my breath and whatever m doing. I seem calmer now.

The Power of Now
The moment u start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realise that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond tot, that tot is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. Things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begun to awaken.

Soul
Suddenly a tot came, I am a Venus in Leo and I will regained my power.
Father, now that I can assess into the inner joy in me, I know now.

The Power of Now
The voice in ur mind belongs to ur conditioned mind, which is the result of all ur past history as well as of the collective cultural mind-set u inherited. So u see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. It is not uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy.

Soul
I came to this realisation when I was swimming. I didn't want to look into the future as I would be immobilised because I predict the people would either be stationery, block me or swim towards me. So, I don't look and to my surprise, most times, the people move away and when the swimmer came, I was able to float and let them past.
Mmm, I will use this to apply in my life. I now agreed I cannot predict a clean future, so I won't speculate what's to become of me. Its true Z is speculating, but he too doesn't know how he maybe and I too don't know. Instead of worrying about being stuck, who knows, I will just back out happily.

The Power of Now
When u listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say do not judge. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in ur head perhaps for many years. Listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence.
You will soon realise; there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realisation, this sense of ur own presence, it is not ur tot. It arises from beyond the mind.

Soul
This is samyama. I did sense the presence, a grounding presence.

The Power of Now
You become aware not only of the tot but also of urself as the witness of the tot. U feel ur deepr self, beneath or behind the tot. The tot then loses it power over u and quickly subsides, because u r no longer energising the mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking.
When the tot subsides, u experience a discontinuity in the mental stream - a gap of no-mind. At first the gaps will be short, a few second perhaps, but gradually they will become longer. When these gaps occur, u feel a certain stillness and peace inside u.
This is the beginning of ur natural state of felt oneness with Being.
U r fully present. It also raises the vibrational frequency of the energy field that gives life to the physical body.

Soul
Father, my wish comes quickly. Yday I asked since I now can become One with Water, how can I become One with Life and U answered me.

The Power of Now
Instead of "watching the thinker", u can also create a gap in the mind stream simply by directing the focus of ur attention into the Now. Just become intensely conscious of the present moment. U draw consciousness away from mind activity and create a gap of no-mind in which u are highly alert and aware but not thinking. This is the essence of meditation.

Soul
This is shoonya.

The Power of Now
You can practice this by taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and giving it ur fullest attention so that it becomes an end in itself.
Be aware of a silent but powerful sense of presence. U measure ur success by the degree of peace that u feel within.

Soul
Definitely there. I have been watching my breath. And tots of Z has dwindled and some still float but I didn't follow it. I am now much calmer.

The Power of Now
The single most vital step on ur journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from ur mind. Everytime u create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of consciousness grows stronger.
One day u may catch urself smiling at the voice in ur head, as u would smile at the antics of a child. This means that u no longer take the content of ur mind all that seriously, as ur sense of self does not depend on it.

Soul
I have been able to except for Z, cos abandonment was my pain body and I get hooked too fast. Anyway, I can now.

The Power of Now
Ego - false self, created by unconscious identification with the mind. To the ego, only past and future are considered important. It is always concerned with keeping the past alive, because without it - who are u?

Soul
No wonder it so active on Z. Me going out with Z is going against my old self. It is death to the old self but I am fine. It is going into a losing game.
The Power of Now
The present moment holds the key to liberation. But u cannot find the present moment as long as u r ur mind.
Tot alone, when it is no longer connected with the much vaster realm of consciousness, quickly becomes barren, insane, destructive.
The mind is essentially a survival machine. Attack and defense against other minds.
The tot that u r being threatened, physically or psychologically, causes the body to contract, and this is the physical side of what we call fear.
The less present u r, as the watching consciousness, the stronger the emotional energy charge will be. If u cannot feel ur emotions, if u r cut off from them, u will eventually experience them on a purely physical level, illness and etc.

Soul
I couldn't feel my fear previously and hence it turn to RA. I now can.

The Power of Now
Your body will always give u a truthful reflection of ur mind.
You can allow the emotion to be there without being controlled by it. You are no longer the emotion, u r the watcher, the observer. If u practice this, all that is unconscious in u will be brought into the light of consciousness.

Soul
That's where I am now. Everything is coming up. Now I know what to do. Like C said, I have faced my Pluto of Seven of Clubs and now adjourned to Cosmic of Seven of Spade.
Father, thank U for not forsaking me. I cried for help and U came. I am feeling better now.