Facing my karma in relationship (44) - he won't let me go

Mar 10

Father, Z won't let me go. And he knows my modus operandi is to run. I am surprised that he saw me avoiding him in the previous meditation. Of course, I denied it. He then said that since I avoid him, he deliberately sits besides me.
He keep on saying I was happy the whole night, hinting that it was because he is near me, again trying to reiterate I like him. I told him nope, it was because of the Energy, not because of him.

(Apr 23 - he keep on seeking for sign that I really like him. Why? Today J told me is because he is unsure of my feelings for him and he is seeking reassurance. Which of course, he cannot have, as he had already closed the door to my heart when he laid down the ground rules for the non-committal relationship. He told me the worst case scenario.)

When I asked him, how he felt, he replied he was ok and was excited with the music. As usual, wants to reinforce I like him more than he like me. Why???

I have decided to take the monthly pills instead as the piece meal pills wouldn't be enough. We be together quite often. I was quite surprised that he really want to come over my house yday night.
Anyway, just focused on samyama meditation. There is a long way to go. I can now see the mind truly vacilitate between past and future. And when I don't want tots on Z, it moves to work and later isha. The mind is cunning.

The Power of Now
In the normal, mind-identified or unenlightened stat of consciousness, the power and infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the Now are completely obscured by psychological time. Your life then loses its vibrancy, its freshness, its sense of wonder.
The old patterns of tots, emotion, behaviour, reaction and desire are acted out in endless repeat performance, a script in ur mind that gives u an identity of sorts but distorts or covers up the reality on the Now. The mind then creates an obsession with the future as an escape from the unsatisfactory present.

Soul
I know.

The Power of Now
Usually, the future is a replica of the past. Superficial changes are possible, but real transformation are rare and depends upon whether u can become present enough to dissolve the past by accessing the power of Now.

The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence.
The quality of ur consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future - which, of course can only be experienced in Now. Your degree of presence determines the quality of ur consciousness.

Soul
Noted and will continue.

The Power of Now
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of present.
Too much future
1. Unease
2. Anxiety
3. Tension
4. Stress
5. Worry.

Too much past
1. Guilt
2. Regret
3. Resentment
4. Grievances
5. Sadness
6. Bitterness
7. Non-forgivness of past.

Time is the cause of ur suffering or ur problems. Until u have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind - its attachment to past and future and denial of the Now - problems are actually interchangeable.
Ultimately, this is not about solving ur problems. It is about realising that there are no problems.

Soul
True. My situation with Z, there is no problem now. There is only problem when I project the future based on my past.
Tq.
　
Soul
Yea, now I can see tots vacilitate between past and future, creatin time.