Facing my karma in relationship (37)

Feb 21 Aft
Father, after reading my weekly Osho, I text him. I even got a mail talking about balanced rship and etc. I ignored them cos my partner has difficulty in balancing and also I am not his priority. Let's face it he too may not be.
My text to him. Hi, I was looking forward to ur call last weekend. Alas it never come. Were u trying to reiterate that I m not in ur mind ;) He replied immediately that he was caught up in his thesis as the deadline is too near.
Father, I was right. He is either focused on work and thesis. The thesis is part of his work. He is a real hardworker.

Osho 1. Issue Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority and superiority disappear. Then u r, u r simply there. Let's face, there is always going to be somebody who are more and somebody who are less than u. The way to find out who u r is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.

Soul
I tot Z is so lucky to have me. Actually I always tot people are so lucky to have me. I seldom said I am lucky to have people. Only in recent years, I knew I was lucky to have my family, especially my mom. I knew I am lucky to have known all the masters in the Universe, and they always come in the nick of time. Actually, I am lucky to be with Z, as he is comfortable of my success and my smartness. He is ok that we have different interest and that I am quite intellectual. He took the time to understand and break thru all my doors. We both need time alone and our independence. Actually, we r right for each other. He is definitely a Thinker like me, we don't let emotion run away.
(Apr 2 - like V said he was patient enough to want to breakthru all my doors. For 2 thinkers..I wonder how we will fare. One thing is both of us need to 'see' the relationship in our minds first before it can even reach our heart. For both of us, it is still in our heads.)

 2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Healing
U carry ur wound. With the ego, ur whole being is a wound. And u carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because u r so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything. Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when u move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things. It is time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole Soul My 52 days card in Ace of Diamond talk about healing. Last Friday I read about pain body in 7thunder. Yday I watch about us demanding that the world behaves the way we want in order for us to be happy. Also we decided to be unhappy if the world doesn't behave. I knew its something to do with pain too. But I don't know what it is, I just knew I wan to overcome it. This morning, I asked for help cos I can't think my way out and I am tired. Then u answered; "He is a good man and I want him." I suddenly felt a silence and all the tots gone. Nothing more to be said. And then later, with Expect a Miracle, I tot of just be my loving and joyful self. Need not protect myself from hurt. Now I knew it was just my past wound. I am no longer afraid of what's going to happen cos I have always have the stillness and joy within. It stays despite whatever outer, tired, sad, angry, suffering or etc.

3. External Influence
Morality.
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral. Its important to remember that all these judgements of the mind are just products of our conditioning. And whether our judgements are applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is. Soul I firstly breakthru my own judgement of unlovability. I now know I am lovable. Then I break thru on how I should behave when my partner doesn't behave like I tot he should be Then I break thru on how my partner should behave.. We are both thinkers....which is good. And most people are emotional and hence I cannot use them for comparisons. Now I knew why Z said that I need to be initiative cos he is not. Thinkers would generally goes slow. I wanted fast was because of my abandonment issue. I tot if it doesn't happen, then it will end. And my real phase is actually slow. I need not fear now. Our foundation has been laid. 4. What is needed for resolution Creativity Creativity is the quality that u bring to the activity that u r doing. It is an attitude, an inner approach - how u look at things.

Soul
Suddenly I see that everything is fine between Z and I. Creativity Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. The important things is to be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others. Soul I did a good reading for V's wife and today a reading too for the interviewee. Father, my forte is people. I am able to see through them and give them a snap shot view. I am also able to give advices on how to proceed. What can I do with this. How do I market this together with my writing. It is becos I can see through myself and people that I have insight. The articles are finale. The readings are the initiator. I can do free reading for the purchase of an e book. As much as I don't want personal one to one interaction, this could be the avenue. Like Sh said, why would they want to buy my book. I have the intuitive skill to read people, I just used the card for confirmation.

(Apr 2 - V said it is too time consuming. He asked me to go viral and we have created our face book to get people to go to my website.)

5. Resolution Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of u. U r possessed, u r no more, the whole is. Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing that u can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that u can call ur very being. Now is a very precious time. U have reached the goddess of the night who brings depth, peace and understanding. It will be easy for u to rest inside, to plumb the depths of ur own inner silence to the point it meets the silence of the universe. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of ur inner silence permeates everything u do. Now is the time to come home to urself. The understanding and insights that come to u in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.

Soul
Yea. I think something here. Thanks to Z. I have to dig in to maintain my connection. And in digging in, my wounds are open for healing. Now wounds are healed, I am ready to embark on my destiny. Soul I am connected to my Being. I am Home.