Cosmic Lesson (28) - focus on the moment

Mar 5

Father, actually I think we both like each other but both also don't want to admit to ourselves. We have certain values or beliefs that we want to fulfill and we think that both of us cannot do that.

I want a partner that puts me in first place. But I cannot say I will put him in first place as my valuation comes first.
He wants a partner that puts him in first place and that wants includes having children.

He is so afraid that I like him and try to manage the situation. He keep on telling me that he doesn't like me. I wonder whether he is projecting his liking to me. Keep on telling me that becos I enjoy intimacy, I like him. Becos I text him, I miss him so much.
Frankly I do like him but not as much as he think.
I wonder whether he projecting his likeness for me. He is denying his likeness for me and add to mine. Just like I project my abandonment to him.
Or perhaps his gals always cries for him and he is worried about me. Perhaps I am projecting my likeness to him.
For me, eventhough I see him in conflict with what I want. I am not afraid to go with the flow.

Anyway, I am no longer afraid of my emotion. So what, if I actually fall for him. I know I have the strength to exit. And besides he doesn't want me too, so don't have to rush per se. I am exiting becos of my pride.

For now, I know I need to get this transformation done. This is the last piece to be whole again. I am ready and I want to have fun and be playful again. I am looking forward to next week. Since we have remove the shyness, we can now enjoy ourselves.

Just back from swim. Lesson learned;
Just focus on the moment. I swam effortlessly throughout the journey. I took another 15 min as I was not tired. When the swimmers comes near me, I swerved. For those in front of me, they moved away.
It is not for me to focus on the front, it will take care of itself.
Besides, if left to me, the future will be like the past. So, I am not the best person to handle it.

I tot of Z. If he has projected his liking and fear of being hurt to me, I am not helping matters too cos I never let him have the opportunity to miss me. Since he doesn't have such opportunity, how can the possibility of liking me arise.

Father, thank U for suddenly allowing me to see the drama scene whereby grandma was guiding the gal.

So, I need to handle my abandonment issue, not just for myself now, but in future relationship and for him too.

Korean drama
I was resentful u gave me so much challenge
Now I am thankful. It was just a hurdle that I have to cross. And now I am stronger.

Soul
Tot this is my line too for God. I can also face Z. What I focus now is the physical. The future I leave it to the Universe.