Transformation did happen (7) - I am blooming, its spring time for me

Mar 8
Father, woke up and hope to see his msg. Mmm, the grandma in the korean drama was right.
This is the first time I am feeling this. Or its just my mind, its false feeling.
Did my practice. Today I finished at 6.53 am. Not sure why I took so long but I know I was watching my tots, true enough, its on past and future. Whenever I waived it off, it hooked me again with pleasurable tots. By the time I finished, I felt bit wet. Then on the way driving, I was so aroused. Perhaps its because my menses is near.
Father, the timing is flawless. Its true, my body finally mature, first with dance and now sex. Thank u for sending me a sex partner just when I need it.
From now on, I just looked at Z as a tool that I required now.

The Power of Now
When u start to disidentify and become the watcher, the pain-body will continue to operate for a while and will try to trick u into identifying with it again. Although u r no longer energizing through ur identification, it has a certain momentum, just like a spinning wheel. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains in different parts of the body, but they won't last.

Soul
Mmm, I been disidentifying since Sunday and I noticed my right elbow is getting stiff and I am more aroused than ever.

The Power of Now
Be the ever-alert guardian of ur inner space. U need to be present enough to be able to watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control ur thinking. The moment ur thinking is aligned with the energy field of the pain-body, u r identified with it and again feeding it with ur tots. Don't let the feeling turn into thinking.
For many women, the pain-body awakens particularly at the time preceding the menstrual flow. It is an opportunity for the most powerful spiritual practice and a rapid transmutation of all past pain become possible.

Soul
Mmm, 12 days more to go for the ending of Saturn, Seven of Hearts. Menses should be either this weekend or early next week.

The Power of Now
Sustained conscious attention severs the link between the pain-body and ur tot processes and brings about the process of transmutation. It is as if the pain become fuel for the flame of ur consciousness, which then burns more brightly as a result. The split within is healed and u become whole again. Ur responsibility then is not to create further pain.
Be aware of not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes", the silent watcher. This is the power of Now, the power of ur own conscious presence.

Soul
Will do.

(Apr 20 - It is definitely helpful that I am awed into silence by the trees on the roads)

The Power of Now
Only u can transmute the pain-body. But if u r fortunate enough to find someone who is intensely conscious, if u can be with them and join them in the state of presence, that can ne helpful and will accelerate things. In this way, ur own light will quickly grow stronger. To be such a light, is one of the functions of a spiritual teacher.

Soul
No wonder Sathsang is important and annual retreat too. Sitting with Sadhguru and being in Dhaynalinga
Suddenly tot of me being a light. I helped to mediate colleagues, calm down bosses.

The Power of Now
The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms, unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia and etc.
This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while ur mind is in the future and this creates an anxiety gap.
And if u r identified with ur mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the
Now, that anxiety gap will be ur constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but u cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - u cannot cope with the future
　
Soul
Tot of boss, no wonder. Tot of me, yea too.
Like the insight I got during swimming, as long as I focus on the water below me, I will be at ease. Its when I see the way forward, I become afraid of what might happen if I swim to the front and stop swimming.

The Power of Now
Moreover, as long as u r identified with ur mind, the ego runs ur life. Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case, even if the ego outwardly is very confident