Facing my karma in relationship (45) - drama in having to eat the pills

Mar 19

Father, feeling bit edgy. Guess its becos of the pills. I don't want to take pills because it is a hassle and may have side effects. Alas, the real reason is I have to eat it and we won't meet often. So, why go through the hassle. He doesn't care enough about me. We r not on long term, why bother and etc.
Aiyah, I tot 52 days is over by tomorrow and since we won't meet, there will be no challenge. I also realised he is not keen on rubber. But then when we were at it, I too am not keen. That's why I didn't sound off the other day. So, its just me creating drama, just me feeling bit down cos he didn't call me back like he said he would. I predict future is not good. Aiyoh, I was over taken by my mind. Just remember we enjoy each other company. We r compatible mentally, emotionally and physically.
Decision made earlier that I take the pill. Let me take it with acceptance, even if he and I won't be making out frequently. Even if I am not certain of anything. Guess this is a fear to lose again.

Osho
Healing
You carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. And u carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding their own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because u r so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything.

Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed and it will be healed only when u move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things.
Just accept and don't react.

It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed.

The figure in this card is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura of his body is full of light, of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering.

When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed and help others also to be healthy and whole.

Ace of Heart
A desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationship to be created. It represents an awakening of love or passion in one heart.
It is also a search for something inside of our self to help us love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we r seeking within.

Soul
I am still having doubts since we are hardly meeting up. A tot came, since we won't meet up, might as well don't eat the pill. Aiyoh, such drama.

When I was doing sharing, a tot came. The worst job in my life turns out to be the best job. Z who declares he was a player and want short term , but turns out to be a loyal guy, and non-exploratory. So, what's my dilemma all about?