Cosmic Reward (8) - he is a real diamond

Mar 17 Eve
Father, he said it very right. We both are forward in our communication and we can do post mortum thereafter.

He also said I am the only one that see the real him and can understand him. He told his ex everything, but they never understand him.
I was surprised that he felt bad about me paying. He said I broke a record for him, the first time someone offers to pay. I told him that its because I like him that I pay. He said that he felt comfortable and glad that I didn't make him feel bad. He said he will make up for it.

He said when I am with him, I don't talk much. I talked more on the phone. Mmm, something there. I also realised I am more aroused when he is not with me. Why??? Is it because I am shy. I didn't open up, I was afraid to be vulnerable.

Mmm, I recalled one guy I dated also said that. He said he liked me cos I like to talk on the phone. But once we meet, I seem to talk lesser.

Why?? Now I know...I am still shy, not open up. If I can close up my communication when I am with him, then my body also sure close up too.

Father, help me.
Father, I need help. I found someone that I really liked and I think he is beginning to like me too. Let's make this work.
Answer came: I don't like people to see the weak me. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to be made a fool of. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be available.