Facing my karma in relationship (40) - challenge

Feb 26 Aft

Father, I checked out my card today and its Seven of Heart card. I tot there should be no challenge today. We already said our piece. I have already decided to take the plunge and to be at ease. And here it comes.

Then he called me and asked about the deal I am proposing and he wants to meet up for dinner.

Father, the deal.
He tot I have 2 proposals;
1. A time frame, after which we cut off
2. A time frame, after which we see each other alternatively.

I asked if that his requests. He says nope, but he is just speculating about mine. He doesn't sounds to happy though. He should be glad, right?

(Apr 10 - after giving me such a hard time on starting. It was all his strategy. He wanted me to overcome my inertia/indecision over him. And the truth is he is a real traditional guy. Even more than me!)

He then asked if I wanted to do dinner. I have to ponder a bit, these days I am no longer decisive when it comes to choosing food. He say whatever I want is fine cos between us, we r so close, no secrets.

I tot he should focused on his thesis. He says he wants to accelerate it. I wonder if he is afraid I would go off.

The worst tot is that he want to reiterate to me he just wants to be my sex therapist because u want to see me happily married to another man.

(Apr 10 - It was all a strategy by him. He knows I am afraid of commitment and he potrays that he is offering NIL commitment in order to get me hooked. Now he no longer mention. He just said that if he is dead, then I should find another one. So much dilemma in the beginning..in the end, it was really nothing!)

And if he could say he didn't want me to be hurt and wants us to be friends only. I could also accept that. This means I have learnt my lesson and he is not the man for me.

(Apr 10 - I was so negative...and the outcome of the date in No.41)

So, done lah. I just do shoonya before I go. I be fine.

Father, it doesn't matter what he said. For me now, I have decided to jump and I just want to make a happy plunge. What happen after plunge, I will look at it again.

I am so thankful to him. By allowing me to open all my doors, somehow I feel whole again. And I am finally able to love again. I would like it to be him but its ok if its not.

Renewal
When there is no past, when there is no future, only then there peace.

Soul
That's it. That's how I feel now. My past is gone. And I have now and I will make it a happy now. As for future, I will decide then, not now. I have no aim for future. I