Cosmic Lesson (19) - abandonment

Feb 22 Eve

Father, was watching tv and suddenly I realised mine is mind-problem. Tots of what Z faced come to mind. He face real hardship to arrive where he is. And yet he said he still has yet to command people's attention and hence he wanted to get a phd. Everyone is busy tending to their wound, and they are not intentionally pricking my wound.

Called him but no reply. Then wanted to text him to cancel the date so he can study. But I decided not to, I need not go down. Just face it upfront.

Suddenly realised my issue is just mind problem. All released. Regardless of outcome, I am released. Amen.

Thanks to him that I finally able to experience my body pain. And coincidentally the movie, Beyond Border made me realise the world out there, beyond my pain. And my pain is not real, just in the mind.
Father, I can face relationship already. I love U and I love me. Thanks to Z for being the teacher.

Tots came again that Z wanted to abandon me. Well, if so, so be it. It doesn't matter anymore. What's meant to be will be. If I am out, myself is still intact. Tots still come thru. I am intact.
Any loss is just mind problem, no real loss.

Father, I have real abandonment issue. My reaction is as funny as the gal who tot she was abandoned by her boyfriend at the airport.

I now realised me proposing to cancel the date is just another hook, seeking approval.

Father, none of the guys go because of my neediness.
A few went off because I couldn't respond to them physically. But now I knew its because I was not even attracted to their body