Grieving over loss of 'love' for food

May 21
Yesterday I didn't eat dinner. I just had a glass of water cos it was after 1 am and if I eat I can't wake up for practices. But I was also not hungry. This was despite a light lunch.

Today woke up at 6 am upon alarm. But I know body was still tired cos it was less than 4 hours sleep. I snooze about 10 minutes and then I shower. Did my guru pooja and then follow up with Shambavi. Feel better.

I had been having a continuous tots that Sh may not be paying our teacher ticket. I ignored it cos don't want to be too nosy. But it came again and so I send a nice reminder. I was shocked when she said she didn't buy. Luckily still got time and she can do it.

Now back to the topic on food. We have been programmed that we need three meals a day. And for the first time, I realise it may not be so.
And then I tot I be very hungry this morning since no dinner yesterday and ordered a big breakfast. To my surprise my my appetite is as per norm.

Father, so it could be true as Sadhguru says, we need only 2 meals a day. What's important to me now is my body. Yesterday I again tot of Yoga Marga. I have always ignored it cos I knew I cannot change my diet. But now I know I can change my diet as my priority is for my body and not food.

Food is supposed to be nutrients but we used it for comfort, for passing time, for pleasure, for  excitement, for love and etc. We basically use food for the mind and not for the body.

Wow! I have always said my last change would be body. It was my weakest link and my strongest attachment, my karma.

Went into toilet and suddenly tot maybe me crying on the way here has to do with my food. I tot of checking out my Osho rship card for food. But then I dismissed as this shows how much attachment I had over food.

Just saw my boss. She said I looked down. I told her about me crying over the chicken story. First time after nearly 5 years. She said I m going through a break up with food. I m now grieving and followed up by denial and then later acceptance. She said I will recover this week.

Now I know why I cried during this morning Shambavi. I was crying over the food. And on the way driving here I was also crying. I felt like I lost myself. My boss said its not a loss, I have gained a new self.

Alas, now I understood Osho's Clingjng to the Past card.