Perhaps I could be truly lovable to Z too

May 20 eve
Just got back from the program. It is now nearly 1.30 am. That's means I have been awake for nearly 21 hours.

When I saw A, I apologised and hugged him for raising my voice and scolded him. He said he understand. I waited till the young ones did their jobs. I just stayed cos I know they should not be made to feel bad. I want to motivate them. I just took responsibility. I didn't feel it as a chore. I feel it as love.

No one asked why they r staying back. They just left. Now I understand what teacher meant asking all to stay back.

When I was with them. I shared about my amazing Practices this morning and also about me crying when Sadhguru said about chicken's life also matters. This is the first time for me, feeling for the chicken.

Earlier on, I tot of Mu and his issue of not being seen as a lead, of people usurping his lead. Actually i think Mu got leadership skill but he sabotage himself and look like a hit and miss leader.  Then I tot perhaps inside him; he knows he hasn't been leading well but  he project it to us to highlight his hidden perception of himself. As I shared with him; we didn't exclude him from meetings. Infact most times we couldn't locate him. And a true lead would take charge and insist if he knows we met without him.

As I was driving back. I tot maybe I m truly lovable and that's why Z got to ignore me. I m a temptation against his desire for children. Eventhough he avoid me; he has 'like' my FB for a few times. Yeah, instead of viewing his avoidance as rejection. He could be seeing me as too lovable and hence need to actively avoid me.
Or he could see that I can't live with financial security and he avoids me.