Z is my true mirror (north node in Aquarius) - I forgive myself for Z

May 25 eve

Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller
North node in 11th house Aquarius
One reason this nodal group is so self-absorbed is a strong, internal feeling hidden in their psyche that they are single-handedly responsible for creating everything that they and those who are close to them - need on a survival level.
Because they take total responsibility for what is created in their life, they want their choices to be totally based on their own inner persuasion - not dependent on others in any way - since they hold themselves accountable for the outcome.
Over time, feeling like everything is up to them becomes exhausting. They feel that everything that happens to them - including others' reaction to them - is caused by something that they have done, so they take everything personally.
When someone is simply being themselves, and in some way criticises the native, the Aquarius person tends to think that they something they did provoked it. This block intimacy because they are afraid to truly be themselves and express who they really are since they don't want to experience disapproval.

Soul
So true. I even used to take the loss of business as due to me.
Thanks to the parental mode of S, P and teacher; I finally learn that feedback from others is also their own projections and it is not gospel truth and I need not take it personally.
Thanks to the initiation, I also released the burden. Now I can swim breast stroke with ease. Finally after so many years.
A tot came; same on Z too. I need not take his avoidance of me as a personal reflection. He just cannot handle confrontation.
Anyway, thanks to his avoidance I had to search deep for answers. I found the mirror in me. Father, I finally forgive myself for Z.

North node in 11th house Aquarius
In fact, these people's desire for the approval of those who are close to them is insatiable - they can never get enough. They view approval as a sign that others see the purity of their intentions. They normally go through life that others don't really understand where they are coming from. So they tend to act out a role - trying to be what they think will please others instead of showing their real self.

The desire for approval also blocks intimacy because if the other doesn't approve of them in a given moment, they think it means that their partner doesn't understand and love them. This strains the rship on both sides: the native feels rejected and unloved, and the other person feels forced to respond a certain way. Both parties end up withdrawing from trust and closeness.

However, it is much more worse for these people when someone doesn't respond to them at all. They are so accustomed to being seen "special" in past lives, when people don't respond to them, they feel invincible. This triggers insecurity. They can go out of control trying to force a response one way or the other. In this type of situation they will push others because they feel even a negative response is better than no response at all. Their pride gets hurt, it becomes a big drama, and it drains them. It also disorients their worldview. They are likely to take the responses of others personally - as a reflection of them and feel defensive.

Soul
This is so me. But Z cured me of that and facing parental mode like S, P and teacher cemented it.
In my case is worst cos I don't even project it or express it. It goes inner and result in Rheumatoid arthritis.

North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They learn that their life can unfold in a magnificent way when they become director of the performance rather than the star. The star openly display her talent, while everyone else takes responsibility for making the performance work on a practical level. The director, on the other hand is aware of the unique talents and specialness of other people involved, and works to highlight and blend their individual gifts in a way that elevates the shared creative performance and bring it alive.

Soul
Yea. I m good at being a director. I played a director role in office and then wanted to do the same in Isha. But I was told off frequently by the Parental mode. They said I cannot volunteer people; I can only volunteer myself. Anyway, I don't bother and continue to select volunteers. My volunteering is in identification of roles. Yes, it's a leader role and others may not like it. But I played director role best.

North node in 11th house or Aquarius.
Sometimes these people think that its all up to them - that what they do or don't do can determine the results in a particular situation. Encourage them to realise that success or failure is on the shoulders of both people. For instance; if their partner wants to have children and they don't, nothing they do or don't do will change their partner's innate longing

Soul
Timely msg for me. Father, I forgive myself for Z.