Self completion - inclusion of others...not just Z

May 17
Woke up 7 am to do my practices. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. I was laughing from third cycle onward  during the body down posture. On fourth cycle, I was crying and wailing. And when I ended the 5 cycles, I was crying too.
Not sure why but something to do with Z. I recalled I said I love him only during my cries. Shavasana was great after the explosive Surya Kriya.
Breathing was ok. Shakti was great and Shambavi too. For Shakti, I m more conscious of my Kapala Bhakti and sitting more. I ended with silence and halfway through I was singing and dancing with my regular love songs

Today card
Ace of Spades
The card of ambition and the Magi card.
The key to the mysteries; the veil behind the illusions. So it has been a symbol for the study and pursuit of esoteric knowledge and mystical wisdom.
It is also traditional card of death, change and transformation. It is certain u will go through some sort of death and rebirth.

Soul
Maybe. Still mulling over Responsibilty is Love vs my Responsibility is due to Power and it is suffering.
Father, not sure who I can ask. Guide me, please.

Mmm, ego bit dented. They are the one who asked me to step into the treasury matter. But when I give direction; they got inputs. Why don't they just do it and don't disturb me? On second tot; why do I need to be bothered that S going to quit treasury role. Just like C is not bothered about leaving Sathsang guide role.
I guess I also didn't like that they didn't inform me on the one person religion who got in and I have to hear it from teacher. Yea, my Outsider card was triggered.

Osho today
Rebirth
Things come and go
The three states, the Camel, Lion and the Child.
The camel is sleepy, dull, self satisfied. He lives in delusion, thinking he's a mountain peak, but really he is so concerned with others opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own.
Emerging from the camel is the lion. When we realise that we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end.
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
Whatever the state u r in right now .... Sleepy and depressed or roaring and rebellious - be aware that it will evolve into something new if u allow it. It is time for growth and change.

Soul
Yea. I was feeling bit down, until now still cannot get over Z. I m judging myself. Logically no reason at all.
I feel bad that I m making myself sad.
Just has a good cry. I guess all my sadness was bottled up. The Surya kriya and now the IE session helps to release it.

Father, my Osho this week also says the same; Traveling - attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.

Was cleaning up my IPhone notes and saw this
Lunar and Solar in opposites by Jan Spiller.
Extending ur identity to include others gives u a greater sense of self completion. The self, as developed in prior incarnation is now ready for another major development. This requires humility and grace because u must change personal patterns  that separates u from others and allow, even invite them, to facilitate ur growth process.
U r seeking the balance of self importance in this lifetime by recognising that all things are of equal importance.