Aloneness - learning to handle it

May 27 aft
Four of Diamonds
A solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some.
We gotten clear about what we want.

Soul
Father, feeling bit restless. I got no work to do whole day. Now just waiting for meeting.
A tot came that I should be filling up myself with other work. I should create my valuation.
As I m now updating my blog of late 2009; I wished for no more challenges at work. So, now I have it.
Father, let me savour this relaxed working state. My values is inherent.

Just checked my this week Osho cards
1. Issue
The Dream
The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone and aloneness hurts. We drown our aloneness in relationship. That's why we become so much involved in love.
U were going to avoid yourself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with women or men- then they fall in love with money or power. That too is avoiding loneliness.
All ur activities can be reduced to one single source. The source is that u r afraid of aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that u find urself very alone.

Soul
I have received this before. But today it stick right in. I was feeling restless cos I don't have job to run to; no partner; no practices; nothing.
I m just alone. Let me stay here.
Now I know why Z goes on strenuous mode for money. Why F goes into strenuous mode for variety. We are all filling up ourselves with something or someone because we are afraid to be alone.
I m truly alone now. Neither volunteering not career moves me. I don't hanker for money or power. I used to go for food but that is gone too. So, everything is being shed.
Let me face this aloneness.

The Dream
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love that we naturally draw lovers towards us.

Soul
Thank U.

Today had lunch with boss and she said I have strong will. I told her I tot my ex-boyfriend has strong will but not me. She said I m in Isha for nearly 5 years and yet is able not to have herd mentality and that takes strong will.

The Secret of ages
If u r trying to swim, u must believe that the sea is going to keep u afloat. U must give yourself to the sea. There is the ocean and u are in it. I say to u, "According to ur faith, u will be able to swim".
The person who know with assurance that the sea will carry them if they do certain things will swim quite calmly, serenely, happily and will not mind if the water goes right over them.

Soul
I finally was able to swim half lap of breast stroke after nearly 15 years.
Yea, I can now swim calmly. I feel safe now.