No longer want to 'prove' myself special

May 7 aft
Father, thank u for everything. Even the car tow guy was nice. And now I got replacement car, my old car.

Father, received a note from teacher to me only, correcting my mail. First reaction was dislike. Second reaction, she cares enough to correct me.

Did a check to Osho rship card. First time I used it for someone apart from Z.
1. Me - suppression
2. Her - sharing
3. Composite - rebel
4. Insight

This reaffirm my tots. And I know I need to open up to her. Don't keep it inside me.
She wants to conform. She truly meant well but I don't want to.
I wrote to her. I told her of my reactions. I also shared about my brother and she reminds me of him. But I can't write what I m not. So, I told her that best I channel writing thru P and C. Writing style is something personal, it is an expression of me. So, don't think I need to change it unless I m hurtful, which I know I m not.

1. The issue
Ordinariness
Just takes things easily, simply, one step at a time.

2. Internal influence
Playfulness
Life is rarely as serious as we believe it to be and when we recognise this fact. It responds by giving us more opportunities to play.
When the Page of fire enters your life, it is a sign that u r ready for the fresh and the new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon, and u have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms.

Soul
Yea. Car stuck in flood and was towed after waiting in rain for 2 hours.  A first time for me.  Surprisingly I was ok. No drama.
What's next?

3. External influence
Projections

Soul
Yea, me always project my wounds. Everything I see pessimistically when things are not in my favour. I project they judge me due to my inner shadow brother.
Now have new alternative insight on Z's refusal to talk to me and teacher's repeated corrections.


4. What is needed for resolution?
Adventure
Truth is radical, personal realisation. U have to come to it.
Whenever we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become the greatest adventures.

Soul
Mmm, car towed?
Alternative view on Z and teacher and my responses.


5. Resolution
Letting go
The innocent person is one who renounced fighting; no longer interested in performing, in proving that he is someone special.
To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing. Whatever that might helped to define who u are, it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on.
Something greater is awaiting u, new dimensions are there to be discovered. U r past the point of no return now, gravity is doing its work.
Go with it - it represents liberation.

Soul
Exactly. That's my msg to teacher. By letting go of the need to have closure with Z, by accepting defeat on both Z and teacher. No longer wants to be tied to their plays. No longer want to prove myself special. No longer want to fulfil the Expectations sets by inner shadow brother.

Father, no wonder today is Four of Diamonds.