Oct 24 eve
North Node in the 11th: Part of the life task would be learning how to work within a group toward positive results – not at all a simple matter, or groups wouldn’t perennially be breaking down with conflict or dysfunction.
Another part of the task might be learning how to be a friend and what the proper boundaries are in friendship.
Soul
True, setting parameters and communicating them so to have mutually satisfying relationships.
Just met Sr and he welcome the role of being main Sathsang guide and I be the back up. He will be the guide for the next 8 months or 14 months. He said I need only to do for following month after I m back from Samyama.
This week internal influence card
Breakthrough card is coming to realisation.
Father, I need a break. I need to be able to have a distance.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Combining North and South Nodes
Oct 24 morn
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
By consistently choosing the highest path of true authenticity over a desired outcome in the relationship, we can actively cooperate with the process of becoming more whole and genuine and earn the right to experience greater exchanges of Love to satisfy and heal us.
Soul
Great..I am on the right track.
Got this from the web; moving from Scorpio to Taurus...and since my Moon is in Taurus...I got mostly the Taurus attributes
Scorpio sign: (old patterns)----->Taurus sign: (new possibilities):
• Manipulating……………………………………………Values self
• Raging…………………………………………………....Creative
• Withholding…………………………………………….A builder
• Fanatical………………………………………………..Resolute
• Secretive………………………………………………..Patient
• Too intense…………………………………………….A finisher
• Loves chaos…………………………………………….Loves the earth
• Jealous…………………………………………………...Sensual
• Possessive……………………………………………….Warm-hearted
• Revengeful……………………………………………..Reliable
• Judgmental……………………………………………...Loyal
• Caustic………………………………………………….Creates security
• Distrustful………………………………………………Serene
• Paranoid………………………………………………...Stable
• Intimidating…………………………………………….Loves home
You can start by combining within yourself the...
• Taurus sign of Sensuality with the Scorpio sign of Passion to become ‘Sensually Passionate’
• Taurus sign of the Builder with the Power of the Scorpio sign to become the ‘Powerful Builder’
• Taurus sign of Practical Creativity with the Scorpio sign of Transformation to become the embodiment of ‘Earthly Transformational Creativity’
• Taurus sign Stability with the Scorpio sign of Loyalty to become ‘Loyally Stable’
• Taurus sign of Patience with the Controlled Scorpio sign to develop ‘Controlled Patience’ within you
• Taurus sign of the Finisher with the Scorpio sign of Strong Will to become the ‘Strong Willed Finisher’
• Taurus sign of Artistry with the Probing Scorpio sign to become the ‘Probing Artisan’
• Taurus sign of Warmth with the Scorpio sign of Spiritual Rebirth to radiate the essence of ‘Heart-warming Spiritual Rebirth’
• Taurus sign of Self-value with the Scorpio sign of Intensity to know the strength of ‘Intense Self-value’
• Dependable sign of Taurus with the Scorpio sign of Desire to feel the ‘Dependability of knowing your Desires’
• Sensual sign of Taurus with the Probing Scorpio sign to become ‘Sensually Probing’
• Taurus sign of the Patience with the Scorpio sign of Investigation to become the ‘Patient Investigator’
• Serene sign of Taurus with the Powerful Scorpio sign to experience the ‘Power of Serenity’
• Taurus sign of the Earth with the Scorpio sign of Mystery to become the ‘Earthly Mystery Solver’
• Taurus sign of Security with the Emotional Scorpio sign to know true ‘Emotional Security’
Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller
By consistently choosing the highest path of true authenticity over a desired outcome in the relationship, we can actively cooperate with the process of becoming more whole and genuine and earn the right to experience greater exchanges of Love to satisfy and heal us.
Soul
Great..I am on the right track.
Got this from the web; moving from Scorpio to Taurus...and since my Moon is in Taurus...I got mostly the Taurus attributes
Scorpio sign: (old patterns)----->Taurus sign: (new possibilities):
• Manipulating……………………………………………Values self
• Raging…………………………………………………....Creative
• Withholding…………………………………………….A builder
• Fanatical………………………………………………..Resolute
• Secretive………………………………………………..Patient
• Too intense…………………………………………….A finisher
• Loves chaos…………………………………………….Loves the earth
• Jealous…………………………………………………...Sensual
• Possessive……………………………………………….Warm-hearted
• Revengeful……………………………………………..Reliable
• Judgmental……………………………………………...Loyal
• Caustic………………………………………………….Creates security
• Distrustful………………………………………………Serene
• Paranoid………………………………………………...Stable
• Intimidating…………………………………………….Loves home
You can start by combining within yourself the...
• Taurus sign of Sensuality with the Scorpio sign of Passion to become ‘Sensually Passionate’
• Taurus sign of the Builder with the Power of the Scorpio sign to become the ‘Powerful Builder’
• Taurus sign of Practical Creativity with the Scorpio sign of Transformation to become the embodiment of ‘Earthly Transformational Creativity’
• Taurus sign Stability with the Scorpio sign of Loyalty to become ‘Loyally Stable’
• Taurus sign of Patience with the Controlled Scorpio sign to develop ‘Controlled Patience’ within you
• Taurus sign of the Finisher with the Scorpio sign of Strong Will to become the ‘Strong Willed Finisher’
• Taurus sign of Artistry with the Probing Scorpio sign to become the ‘Probing Artisan’
• Taurus sign of Warmth with the Scorpio sign of Spiritual Rebirth to radiate the essence of ‘Heart-warming Spiritual Rebirth’
• Taurus sign of Self-value with the Scorpio sign of Intensity to know the strength of ‘Intense Self-value’
• Dependable sign of Taurus with the Scorpio sign of Desire to feel the ‘Dependability of knowing your Desires’
• Sensual sign of Taurus with the Probing Scorpio sign to become ‘Sensually Probing’
• Taurus sign of the Patience with the Scorpio sign of Investigation to become the ‘Patient Investigator’
• Serene sign of Taurus with the Powerful Scorpio sign to experience the ‘Power of Serenity’
• Taurus sign of the Earth with the Scorpio sign of Mystery to become the ‘Earthly Mystery Solver’
• Taurus sign of Security with the Emotional Scorpio sign to know true ‘Emotional Security’
Not communicating my feeling is being unloving to myself
Oct 24
Woke up just before alarm. I recalled I was on a dream. Yesterday Samyama I was disturbed by S's call. I didn't want to pick up. Truly wanted to tell her off.
Anyway, despite the disturbance my body was good. No drowsiness.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya and asanas, it was good. Body was not tired and so did a quick Shavasana. Did a long breathing meditation, nice. Shakti was abridged. Shambavi was great. Head shaking non stop at every posture.
During aum chanting, suddenly I cried no one loves me. I just let myself cry and later it subsides and a tot came; no one love me but I can love myself. Suddenly I realised I projected my love outward. Pe said those difficult people seeking my love and I can't give. On the contrary others would have shut them off long time ago. Here I keep on giving chance, letting them come back and they keep hurting me and totally not appreciative. Well, time to take back n love myself instead.
Towards the end, head shaking non stop, making animals sounds and then just contentment. Towards the end a thankfulness came to me. Amen.
Been trying my best to give others what I tot I should receive. Not only not appreciated by others but I m not being loving to myself; not giving to myself and attacking my own self instead. No longer need to project my needs to others. We all have different needs.
Got this from FB
Just because we can,
Doesn't me we should
Just because we always have,
Doesn't mean we always have to.
Once we know better, we should do better.
Soul
Gave S the following message.
After so many rounds of verbal attack from u and no feeling of remorse thereafter. I had enough. I no longer welcome ur calls.
I truly matters and if I don't matters to them, they need not be in my life. I want to gain back myself.
This week card
1. Issue
New vision
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Finally learning to set and communicate my parameters on personal relationships.
Internal influence
Breakthrough
The dawn is not far away but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
All of us occasionally reach a point where "enough is enough". And at such times we must do something, anything, even if it laters turn out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If u r feeling "enough is is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
Soul
Break up the first parental personal relationship I had for years.
It wasn't easy but I got to love myself. I know now I can't rely on others to love me. I can't wait. Everyone is here to love themselves and then everyone can be happy on their own.
Second step is asking for the six month sabbaticals on being a guide.
The breakdown during Sathsang and the deletion of all group whatsapp was the starting point.
3. External influence.
No-thingness
Nothingness to nothingness is the journey.
Being in the gap can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of any choices and possibilities might lie ahead. All u can do now is to relax into this nothingness ... fall into this silence between the words. ... watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breathe. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something. Sacred is about to be born.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The journey isn't over yet, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the piña colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.
Soul
Tot S finally calling it quits. Unexpectedly received her call and hence I need to end it.
And need to meet Sr to execute my plan.
5. Resolution
Control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u are not nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get out a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being on top of things.
Soul
Yeap.
Woke up just before alarm. I recalled I was on a dream. Yesterday Samyama I was disturbed by S's call. I didn't want to pick up. Truly wanted to tell her off.
Anyway, despite the disturbance my body was good. No drowsiness.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya and asanas, it was good. Body was not tired and so did a quick Shavasana. Did a long breathing meditation, nice. Shakti was abridged. Shambavi was great. Head shaking non stop at every posture.
During aum chanting, suddenly I cried no one loves me. I just let myself cry and later it subsides and a tot came; no one love me but I can love myself. Suddenly I realised I projected my love outward. Pe said those difficult people seeking my love and I can't give. On the contrary others would have shut them off long time ago. Here I keep on giving chance, letting them come back and they keep hurting me and totally not appreciative. Well, time to take back n love myself instead.
Towards the end, head shaking non stop, making animals sounds and then just contentment. Towards the end a thankfulness came to me. Amen.
Been trying my best to give others what I tot I should receive. Not only not appreciated by others but I m not being loving to myself; not giving to myself and attacking my own self instead. No longer need to project my needs to others. We all have different needs.
Got this from FB
Just because we can,
Doesn't me we should
Just because we always have,
Doesn't mean we always have to.
Once we know better, we should do better.
Soul
Gave S the following message.
After so many rounds of verbal attack from u and no feeling of remorse thereafter. I had enough. I no longer welcome ur calls.
I truly matters and if I don't matters to them, they need not be in my life. I want to gain back myself.
This week card
1. Issue
New vision
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Finally learning to set and communicate my parameters on personal relationships.
Internal influence
Breakthrough
The dawn is not far away but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
All of us occasionally reach a point where "enough is enough". And at such times we must do something, anything, even if it laters turn out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If u r feeling "enough is is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
Soul
Break up the first parental personal relationship I had for years.
It wasn't easy but I got to love myself. I know now I can't rely on others to love me. I can't wait. Everyone is here to love themselves and then everyone can be happy on their own.
Second step is asking for the six month sabbaticals on being a guide.
The breakdown during Sathsang and the deletion of all group whatsapp was the starting point.
3. External influence.
No-thingness
Nothingness to nothingness is the journey.
Being in the gap can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of any choices and possibilities might lie ahead. All u can do now is to relax into this nothingness ... fall into this silence between the words. ... watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breathe. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something. Sacred is about to be born.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The journey isn't over yet, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the piña colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.
Soul
Tot S finally calling it quits. Unexpectedly received her call and hence I need to end it.
And need to meet Sr to execute my plan.
5. Resolution
Control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u are not nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get out a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being on top of things.
Soul
Yeap.
To go ahead to ask for sabbatical
Oct 23
Body woke up around 6 plus. But I slept back cos today is holiday. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya, feels good. Breathing was fine and Shakti was abridged due to menses. Shambavi was good. Towards the end just contentment followed by laughter when I said my prayer of thanks.
Today another 7, Seven of Clubs. The lowest is negative thinking and the highest is mental and spiritual revelation. How it manifest depend on ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
I have called Sr to meet up; will ask for 6 months sabbatical; owe this to myself.
Just reshuffle volume 5 and now happy with it. Will write the cover note this Friday.
Body woke up around 6 plus. But I slept back cos today is holiday. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya, feels good. Breathing was fine and Shakti was abridged due to menses. Shambavi was good. Towards the end just contentment followed by laughter when I said my prayer of thanks.
Today another 7, Seven of Clubs. The lowest is negative thinking and the highest is mental and spiritual revelation. How it manifest depend on ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
I have called Sr to meet up; will ask for 6 months sabbatical; owe this to myself.
Just reshuffle volume 5 and now happy with it. Will write the cover note this Friday.
Letting go of emotional control...they are not real, only hurt myself
Oct 22 mor
I started this inner journey cos I don't want to feel suffering when others hurt or ignore me or doesn't value me.
A few weeks ago I realised it was because me not setting parameters. But now I know it also about me not communicating the parameters. The non communication is out of fear of loss of validation from others, fear of losing which is my Seven of Hearts outcome. My Seven of Clubs compounded matters with negativity.
Father, going now to the core of my issue in relationships.
My Daily Card
The Eight of Spades
The Eight of Spades is the most powerful card of physical and will power. When this card is present, you will find yourself experiencing more power over your health and work matters. Success is indicated by this card, along with the ability to overcome any obstacles that may appear in your way. Power comes from a focusing of our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest. Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one.
52 days card
Seven of Diamond in Mars
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Soul
So appropriate..me now want to test my own values, test my own voice..be real.
Not to have worry about outcome...
Tested yesterday with brother and sis in law...
This time going into Samyama, I want to end this validation issue once and for all. I want to end my fear..
This week Osho tarot card is so appropriate.
Resolution
Control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, you are not performing. Then why should you be nervous? To control that mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into your limbs, into your body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface.
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives we end up totally rigid. The figure is encased in the angles of pyramid shapes that surround him. Light glitters and glints off his shiny surfaces, but does not penetrate. It's as if he is almost mummified inside this structure he's built up around himself. His fists are clenched and his stare is blank, almost blind. The lower part of his body beneath the table is a knife point, a cutting edge that divides and separates. His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive - he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it. The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things."
Soul
Finally let go of auto Control..that was sustaining the validation mode.
Also, I think thats the outcome of RA...energy blocked and I self attacked myself...resulting in RA.
So, this validation issue not only is unhealthy to my body, to my heart too...
I started this inner journey cos I don't want to feel suffering when others hurt or ignore me or doesn't value me.
A few weeks ago I realised it was because me not setting parameters. But now I know it also about me not communicating the parameters. The non communication is out of fear of loss of validation from others, fear of losing which is my Seven of Hearts outcome. My Seven of Clubs compounded matters with negativity.
Father, going now to the core of my issue in relationships.
My Daily Card
The Eight of Spades
The Eight of Spades is the most powerful card of physical and will power. When this card is present, you will find yourself experiencing more power over your health and work matters. Success is indicated by this card, along with the ability to overcome any obstacles that may appear in your way. Power comes from a focusing of our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest. Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one.
52 days card
Seven of Diamond in Mars
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Soul
So appropriate..me now want to test my own values, test my own voice..be real.
Not to have worry about outcome...
Tested yesterday with brother and sis in law...
This time going into Samyama, I want to end this validation issue once and for all. I want to end my fear..
This week Osho tarot card is so appropriate.
Resolution
Control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, you are not performing. Then why should you be nervous? To control that mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into your limbs, into your body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface.
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives we end up totally rigid. The figure is encased in the angles of pyramid shapes that surround him. Light glitters and glints off his shiny surfaces, but does not penetrate. It's as if he is almost mummified inside this structure he's built up around himself. His fists are clenched and his stare is blank, almost blind. The lower part of his body beneath the table is a knife point, a cutting edge that divides and separates. His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive - he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it. The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things."
Soul
Finally let go of auto Control..that was sustaining the validation mode.
Also, I think thats the outcome of RA...energy blocked and I self attacked myself...resulting in RA.
So, this validation issue not only is unhealthy to my body, to my heart too...
Sadhguru - spirituality is not speaking kindly to everybody
Oct 22
Woke up just before alarm. Body is awake but no as fresh as previous days. Possibly pre-sleep Samyama was not involved.
Practice my Guru pooja Asanas were fine. Shakti was good with full focus except for second half of third cycle of Kapala. Shambavi was good, head shaking non stop almost at every steps. Towards the end just feel peaceful.
Got this from FB.
Assertiveness for earth angels by Doreen Virtue
If u don't let people know how u feel, they'll incorrectly assume everything is okay. People won't know how you really feel or think unless u tell them.
Assertiveness means u r clear, honest and direct with others. Hinting and hoping the others get the hint never works. This is a guarantee that u always feel ignored and misunderstood. Instead of hinting, u have to clearly communicate ur feelings.
You may worry that if u are truthful, people will leave u. But the truth is you be the one to leave, if u don't muster your courage to be honest. If you don't tell the other person how you really feel, the relationship will be unbalanced, unhealthy and you, as a highly sensitive person won't want to stay.
Being conflict phobic also blocks you from fulfilling the very important mission u were born to do! In order to do light work, u need to reawaken and own your power.
Soul
Yeap. That's my motto; to be direct in personal and romantice relationship. When I m truthful I get the real thing or the false thing will leave. Either way is good.
Mystic Musings
If you have made the conclusion that being spiritual means speaking kindly to everybody, you are mistaken. If someone is communicating with different aspects of life in different ways, out of their understanding, out of their sensitivity, out of their experience - they know how to communicate with a baby, a buffalo, a mountain, they know how to speak to the bus driver - they know this out of awareness, then it is wonderful and fine. That's how life should be.
If someone, out of their so-called spirituality, is trying to speak with whatever they believe is kindness or goodness, to every aspect of life, they are just moralistic and stupid. Maybe they are good people but they have no sense of life. There's no inner experience, it's just coming from their goodness and morality. They make good citizens but they won't know anything of the beyond.
Now if one is communicating in different ways with different aspect of life because of their unawareness or because of their prejudices, that's a different aspect altogether.
So how one talks to the bus driver may be a way of seeing where that person is or may not be at all. It is best u don't judge a person by the way they are speaking to a bus driver or to a man on the street at a certain moment.
Now if one has a pattern of addressing something kindly and another aspect of life rudely, then u know It is coming from ignorance. It has nothing to do with spirituality.
Spirituality is not a moral code. Spirituality means you are beginning to experience that which is beyond the physical. It has got nothing to do with the way u communicate and handle the world around u. The way u do that is just a question of ur capability, ur intelligence, ur exposure, ur inclination and what kind of objectives u have in ur life. So how u communicate is in no way an indication of ur spiritual process.
Soul
So timely. I needed this.
Father, such irony. I tot I was assertive but actually I m not especially in personal and romantic relationships. The next time La throw me shit I will give it back to her.
Woke up just before alarm. Body is awake but no as fresh as previous days. Possibly pre-sleep Samyama was not involved.
Practice my Guru pooja Asanas were fine. Shakti was good with full focus except for second half of third cycle of Kapala. Shambavi was good, head shaking non stop almost at every steps. Towards the end just feel peaceful.
Got this from FB.
Assertiveness for earth angels by Doreen Virtue
If u don't let people know how u feel, they'll incorrectly assume everything is okay. People won't know how you really feel or think unless u tell them.
Assertiveness means u r clear, honest and direct with others. Hinting and hoping the others get the hint never works. This is a guarantee that u always feel ignored and misunderstood. Instead of hinting, u have to clearly communicate ur feelings.
You may worry that if u are truthful, people will leave u. But the truth is you be the one to leave, if u don't muster your courage to be honest. If you don't tell the other person how you really feel, the relationship will be unbalanced, unhealthy and you, as a highly sensitive person won't want to stay.
Being conflict phobic also blocks you from fulfilling the very important mission u were born to do! In order to do light work, u need to reawaken and own your power.
Soul
Yeap. That's my motto; to be direct in personal and romantice relationship. When I m truthful I get the real thing or the false thing will leave. Either way is good.
Mystic Musings
If you have made the conclusion that being spiritual means speaking kindly to everybody, you are mistaken. If someone is communicating with different aspects of life in different ways, out of their understanding, out of their sensitivity, out of their experience - they know how to communicate with a baby, a buffalo, a mountain, they know how to speak to the bus driver - they know this out of awareness, then it is wonderful and fine. That's how life should be.
If someone, out of their so-called spirituality, is trying to speak with whatever they believe is kindness or goodness, to every aspect of life, they are just moralistic and stupid. Maybe they are good people but they have no sense of life. There's no inner experience, it's just coming from their goodness and morality. They make good citizens but they won't know anything of the beyond.
Now if one is communicating in different ways with different aspect of life because of their unawareness or because of their prejudices, that's a different aspect altogether.
So how one talks to the bus driver may be a way of seeing where that person is or may not be at all. It is best u don't judge a person by the way they are speaking to a bus driver or to a man on the street at a certain moment.
Now if one has a pattern of addressing something kindly and another aspect of life rudely, then u know It is coming from ignorance. It has nothing to do with spirituality.
Spirituality is not a moral code. Spirituality means you are beginning to experience that which is beyond the physical. It has got nothing to do with the way u communicate and handle the world around u. The way u do that is just a question of ur capability, ur intelligence, ur exposure, ur inclination and what kind of objectives u have in ur life. So how u communicate is in no way an indication of ur spiritual process.
Soul
So timely. I needed this.
Father, such irony. I tot I was assertive but actually I m not especially in personal and romantic relationships. The next time La throw me shit I will give it back to her.
I truly got bad communication in romantic and personal relationship
Oct 21 mor
Drove back to work. When I saw the trees, tears fell and I start to cry on my bad communication. Cry loads. Then tears dried up. I told myself that's in the past. Z was not the right guy so don't want to regret about it. Just know I have uncovered my parameters and now my bad communication.
Also glad that I opened up the channel to my brother and sister in law.
Cancer in Oct by Jan Spiller
You’ll have the potential to improve family relations through compromise and collaboration. Although family members may have differing opinions, you can unite them by helping them to recognize a common goal.
The Libra New Moon, on October 4th, will be useful to achieve any goals centered around home and family. This may include finding a new home, making improvements to your current home and strengthening family ties. This is also a fortuitous New Moon accents working with others and you will have the support to improve relations with anyone you consider family.
Keep in mind that this time period is meant to free your mind and push strong feelings to the surface. This is an opportunity to completely reshape your life if you are willing to make some changes!
Today card
The Queen of Clubs
The Queen of Clubs is a card of great intuition, good organizational ability and the desire to serve and nurture others with some form of knowledge or information. Like the King of Clubs, she has much authority and power. But her power comes more from the receptive side of her nature. She knows things before they happen and operates on a high mental vibration. She can be high strung and impatient.
When you get this card in your reading, it can bring success in any of the communications fields. It can help make you more receptive to your intuition and make you feel like serving others more. It is a successful card, much like the Eight or Ten of Clubs, but also present is the nurturing quality of the mother. Of course the Queen of Clubs also is the Personality Card for all women of the Clubs suit and so this card can also represent your involvement with one of your female Club friends or associates.
Soul
Yea...know of my bad communication..
Drove back to work. When I saw the trees, tears fell and I start to cry on my bad communication. Cry loads. Then tears dried up. I told myself that's in the past. Z was not the right guy so don't want to regret about it. Just know I have uncovered my parameters and now my bad communication.
Also glad that I opened up the channel to my brother and sister in law.
Cancer in Oct by Jan Spiller
You’ll have the potential to improve family relations through compromise and collaboration. Although family members may have differing opinions, you can unite them by helping them to recognize a common goal.
The Libra New Moon, on October 4th, will be useful to achieve any goals centered around home and family. This may include finding a new home, making improvements to your current home and strengthening family ties. This is also a fortuitous New Moon accents working with others and you will have the support to improve relations with anyone you consider family.
Keep in mind that this time period is meant to free your mind and push strong feelings to the surface. This is an opportunity to completely reshape your life if you are willing to make some changes!
Today card
The Queen of Clubs
The Queen of Clubs is a card of great intuition, good organizational ability and the desire to serve and nurture others with some form of knowledge or information. Like the King of Clubs, she has much authority and power. But her power comes more from the receptive side of her nature. She knows things before they happen and operates on a high mental vibration. She can be high strung and impatient.
When you get this card in your reading, it can bring success in any of the communications fields. It can help make you more receptive to your intuition and make you feel like serving others more. It is a successful card, much like the Eight or Ten of Clubs, but also present is the nurturing quality of the mother. Of course the Queen of Clubs also is the Personality Card for all women of the Clubs suit and so this card can also represent your involvement with one of your female Club friends or associates.
Soul
Yea...know of my bad communication..
Learning to express and communicate my negative emotion to others
Oct 21
Woke up around 3 am plus wide awake despite sleeping around 11 plus. I went to bed 10 plus but couldn't sleep cos disturbed about brother and worried about his counter response. Pre-sleep Samyama really works. This would be my 8th time.
While I was disturbed about brother's response. I have no regrets in telling him how I feel. Then a tot came; not easy being straight in relationships.
The great thing is that now I feel fresh for my practices. No more wanting to sleep and feel bit resentful. Now body is wide awake ready for practices. Amen.
Saw brother message but didn't want to read it cos don't want it to affects my practices.
Surya kriya was good. There were tots coming in but I refuse to let them disturb me. An insight came, I have a choice whether to accept my tots or not as my tots are not mine, not real.
Shakti was good with real focus on Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi good too. Towards the end there was exchange of air from guts. Then stillness and peace. While doing my prayer of thanks, giggle came with joy. Amen.
Driving to work just feeling the protection from the trees. Keeping my peace.
Reach breakfast place and read brother's message.
Glad I told my opinion. He replied that not sure why I think its drama and sisters coming over next week. I replied that the fact he asked to keep it a secret is the drama. Anyway, just realised I put in wrong date. So I asked him whether we are still welcome.
Father, from now onwards, say what I feel and think. Only when I do that there is real communication.
I now admit I had bad communication with Z. Knowing of his need for children and avoiding the talk is just plain stupid. I was afraid of his response and hence didn't give my response. Later I was waiting for him also didn't communicate. I m not saying I m at fault. But at least I can now see in our relationship there is no real communication. We both avoided it. Father, thanks for this clarity.
I used to take pride in my communication and even tot I had good communication with Z and hence was devastated when he replaced me immediately and proceed for marriage.
recently I knew about my parameter issue and now today I can see it was bad communication. Everytime he raised topic on children I would ignored and go quiet. After awhile he stop asking.
Father, so in personal and romantic relationships, we not only need to set parameters, we also need to communicate our parameters and rationale behind it due to our values.
Alas now I understand my this year cards
Pluto in Destiny - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Pluto - Three of Hearts (learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Soul
This phrase: Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
At first I rebelled on this cos I tot I compromised loads. But now I know that I don't have cultivate cooperation by not expressing my feelings.
Father, thank you. Everything is coming together. Yea I may had bad stint with Z but he was not the right spiritual partner for me. I will learn. I will set parameters and express my needs and seek mutual compromise and cooperation. Amen.
Woke up around 3 am plus wide awake despite sleeping around 11 plus. I went to bed 10 plus but couldn't sleep cos disturbed about brother and worried about his counter response. Pre-sleep Samyama really works. This would be my 8th time.
While I was disturbed about brother's response. I have no regrets in telling him how I feel. Then a tot came; not easy being straight in relationships.
The great thing is that now I feel fresh for my practices. No more wanting to sleep and feel bit resentful. Now body is wide awake ready for practices. Amen.
Saw brother message but didn't want to read it cos don't want it to affects my practices.
Surya kriya was good. There were tots coming in but I refuse to let them disturb me. An insight came, I have a choice whether to accept my tots or not as my tots are not mine, not real.
Shakti was good with real focus on Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi good too. Towards the end there was exchange of air from guts. Then stillness and peace. While doing my prayer of thanks, giggle came with joy. Amen.
Driving to work just feeling the protection from the trees. Keeping my peace.
Reach breakfast place and read brother's message.
Glad I told my opinion. He replied that not sure why I think its drama and sisters coming over next week. I replied that the fact he asked to keep it a secret is the drama. Anyway, just realised I put in wrong date. So I asked him whether we are still welcome.
Father, from now onwards, say what I feel and think. Only when I do that there is real communication.
I now admit I had bad communication with Z. Knowing of his need for children and avoiding the talk is just plain stupid. I was afraid of his response and hence didn't give my response. Later I was waiting for him also didn't communicate. I m not saying I m at fault. But at least I can now see in our relationship there is no real communication. We both avoided it. Father, thanks for this clarity.
I used to take pride in my communication and even tot I had good communication with Z and hence was devastated when he replaced me immediately and proceed for marriage.
recently I knew about my parameter issue and now today I can see it was bad communication. Everytime he raised topic on children I would ignored and go quiet. After awhile he stop asking.
Father, so in personal and romantic relationships, we not only need to set parameters, we also need to communicate our parameters and rationale behind it due to our values.
Alas now I understand my this year cards
Pluto in Destiny - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Pluto - Three of Hearts (learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Soul
This phrase: Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
At first I rebelled on this cos I tot I compromised loads. But now I know that I don't have cultivate cooperation by not expressing my feelings.
Father, thank you. Everything is coming together. Yea I may had bad stint with Z but he was not the right spiritual partner for me. I will learn. I will set parameters and express my needs and seek mutual compromise and cooperation. Amen.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Love in Isha
Oct 20 eve
Two consecutive days, I put alarm for 2 hours afternoon nap but body needs only one hour. Body wakes up fresh.
Got this and shared in FB
When u love the master u behave in a certain way. Love knows how to behave. It is not enforced. It arises out of u. It is part of ur love; it is out of your feeling heart. U feel so much for the master that when he is around, u immediately fall into silence, into grace. A great elegance arises within u. You forget all ur worries, u forgot all ur past and future programs. For a few moments you are transported into another world.
This is the beginning. Slowly, slowly this become so deep rooted in you that there will no need for the Master to be present. Whenever and wherever u remember the Master, u will fall into the same space again. Then by and by there is no need to remember the Master.
Then rememberance will become like ur breathing - it will always be there, in a subtle form. Then ur whole life become graceful.
U will behave gracefully with whosoever you are relating: in the market place, in the office, wherever you are, and with whomsoever. Now the Master has become ur innermost core. You are always in the presence of the Master.
Then slowly it will spread to the trees, to the mountains, to the sky, to the stars. Then you are entering into God.
By and by, step by step, one day, the Master is no more there, the disciple is no more there, only God is.
Soul
Thanks so much for this. It has been a journey that I took in Isha so that I could be free from suffering. So I could have self mastery and not affected by people.
I first saw the beauty and aliveness of trees three years ago. Recently I feel like I m in Sathsang when I enter into the park. When I saw the trees on the road side, I felt into silence, slow joy arise as I feel their love. Just as I feel Sadhguru's love for me. Amen.
Two consecutive days, I put alarm for 2 hours afternoon nap but body needs only one hour. Body wakes up fresh.
Got this and shared in FB
When u love the master u behave in a certain way. Love knows how to behave. It is not enforced. It arises out of u. It is part of ur love; it is out of your feeling heart. U feel so much for the master that when he is around, u immediately fall into silence, into grace. A great elegance arises within u. You forget all ur worries, u forgot all ur past and future programs. For a few moments you are transported into another world.
This is the beginning. Slowly, slowly this become so deep rooted in you that there will no need for the Master to be present. Whenever and wherever u remember the Master, u will fall into the same space again. Then by and by there is no need to remember the Master.
Then rememberance will become like ur breathing - it will always be there, in a subtle form. Then ur whole life become graceful.
U will behave gracefully with whosoever you are relating: in the market place, in the office, wherever you are, and with whomsoever. Now the Master has become ur innermost core. You are always in the presence of the Master.
Then slowly it will spread to the trees, to the mountains, to the sky, to the stars. Then you are entering into God.
By and by, step by step, one day, the Master is no more there, the disciple is no more there, only God is.
Soul
Thanks so much for this. It has been a journey that I took in Isha so that I could be free from suffering. So I could have self mastery and not affected by people.
I first saw the beauty and aliveness of trees three years ago. Recently I feel like I m in Sathsang when I enter into the park. When I saw the trees on the road side, I felt into silence, slow joy arise as I feel their love. Just as I feel Sadhguru's love for me. Amen.
Unconscious suppression prolonged the negative feelings resulting in resentment
Oct 20 aft
Suddenly I realised I couldn't let go because I didn't allow myself to go through the whole stage of emotion.
Actually I was angry at old classmates for their inconsideration. I organised the farewell and I got ok from the person. Instead of looking at themselves for being inconsiderate, they turn around and said I was too much.
I was angry at La for throwing filth on me. I hold myself back partly coz I was a guide and not sure anger work.
I was angry at Z for coming back with his wife to my life.
All the above, they have encroached on my parameters and here I tot I was the one in wrong, the one had to give way. Again natural tendency is to self attack myself. No wonder my RA.
Father, I used to face people who can't be angry when they are unfairly treated. In the office environment I m fine. But in romantic and personal relationships I m not.
And I faced people who exploded extremely and projected everything out completely. I admire their guts.
I used to think I don't do it cos I got good emotional control. Whenever I receive personal criticism I always hit myself without thinking it through. Now I wonder. Perhaps this relates to the insecurity. When I m insecure I don't dare to confront my feelings.
But I improved. At least now I just shut them out instead of prolonging it. Just like I delete Z, ignored La and no longer contact SL.
Suddenly I realised I couldn't let go because I didn't allow myself to go through the whole stage of emotion.
Actually I was angry at old classmates for their inconsideration. I organised the farewell and I got ok from the person. Instead of looking at themselves for being inconsiderate, they turn around and said I was too much.
I was angry at La for throwing filth on me. I hold myself back partly coz I was a guide and not sure anger work.
I was angry at Z for coming back with his wife to my life.
All the above, they have encroached on my parameters and here I tot I was the one in wrong, the one had to give way. Again natural tendency is to self attack myself. No wonder my RA.
Father, I used to face people who can't be angry when they are unfairly treated. In the office environment I m fine. But in romantic and personal relationships I m not.
And I faced people who exploded extremely and projected everything out completely. I admire their guts.
I used to think I don't do it cos I got good emotional control. Whenever I receive personal criticism I always hit myself without thinking it through. Now I wonder. Perhaps this relates to the insecurity. When I m insecure I don't dare to confront my feelings.
But I improved. At least now I just shut them out instead of prolonging it. Just like I delete Z, ignored La and no longer contact SL.
First chakra - negotiating between individual and group needs
Oct 20 mor
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Right now ur body, mind and emotions are the main contact that u have with the rest of the world. That's how u communicate, that's how u reach out. U can touch somebody either physically or mentally. With ur tots, u can communicate or emotionally u can convey something. This is how u are.
Once u are truly energetic, u can communicate with everything in the existence energy-wise. When u start a spiritual process, being energetic means going beyond all limitations, because in energy there is oneness. In the physical body there can never be oneness. In the physical body and mental tot, there can never be oneness.
Soul
During BSP, I was dancing and singing with a small flower.
That's how I was communicating with trees. But not on for the two days. Just now I ask them why no communication? Where are they? Answer came, where am I?
Father, my connection with water, that's energy too. When I step into rain shower, giggle will explode. When I swim for a bit, joy and laughter comes.
Guru pooja affects me greatly.
Father, thanks for telling me I m on right track.
(Oct 27 - realised that I had gone inward..I was unconsciously practising Samyama. Senses gone inward...not sure if I am right, though)
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
With our emotions we may think we're one, but we're still separate. No two people can feel
When u become truly energetic, oneness is just natural. That the way it is.
Soul
Thanks for reminder that oneness I sought can't be found outside.
Just got this from FB
Heal your life
For the health of ur first chakra, joints, bones, blood and immune system, u must balance the personal with the political and follow the first rule for intuitive health; all for one and one for all.
To maintain health in this energy center, u will need to be intuitively in touch with ur individual needs as u simultaneously negotiate ur way around those of the group, whether the group comprise ur family, those u work with or some other organisation.
Soul
I got a few Jack of Hearts. I used to say they too self sacrificial at their own expense. I was projecting myself. I have not been in touch with what I valued.
Just like I truly don't want to be Sathsang guide but I hold on for three years. I truly don't want to lead but I m always there. Whenever I back out, I felt relieved and also guilt that I can do but I don't want to do it. That others will view me badly for letting go
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Right now ur body, mind and emotions are the main contact that u have with the rest of the world. That's how u communicate, that's how u reach out. U can touch somebody either physically or mentally. With ur tots, u can communicate or emotionally u can convey something. This is how u are.
Once u are truly energetic, u can communicate with everything in the existence energy-wise. When u start a spiritual process, being energetic means going beyond all limitations, because in energy there is oneness. In the physical body there can never be oneness. In the physical body and mental tot, there can never be oneness.
Soul
During BSP, I was dancing and singing with a small flower.
That's how I was communicating with trees. But not on for the two days. Just now I ask them why no communication? Where are they? Answer came, where am I?
Father, my connection with water, that's energy too. When I step into rain shower, giggle will explode. When I swim for a bit, joy and laughter comes.
Guru pooja affects me greatly.
Father, thanks for telling me I m on right track.
(Oct 27 - realised that I had gone inward..I was unconsciously practising Samyama. Senses gone inward...not sure if I am right, though)
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
With our emotions we may think we're one, but we're still separate. No two people can feel
When u become truly energetic, oneness is just natural. That the way it is.
Soul
Thanks for reminder that oneness I sought can't be found outside.
Just got this from FB
Heal your life
For the health of ur first chakra, joints, bones, blood and immune system, u must balance the personal with the political and follow the first rule for intuitive health; all for one and one for all.
To maintain health in this energy center, u will need to be intuitively in touch with ur individual needs as u simultaneously negotiate ur way around those of the group, whether the group comprise ur family, those u work with or some other organisation.
Soul
I got a few Jack of Hearts. I used to say they too self sacrificial at their own expense. I was projecting myself. I have not been in touch with what I valued.
Just like I truly don't want to be Sathsang guide but I hold on for three years. I truly don't want to lead but I m always there. Whenever I back out, I felt relieved and also guilt that I can do but I don't want to do it. That others will view me badly for letting go
Sadhguru - Sadhanas is a method to unleash a flood to sweep away our petty creations.
Oct 20
Body wake up at around 5 am. Still early so slept and wake up. at alarm at 6.45 am. Seventh time with pre-sleep Samyama.
Went into the park. Can't feel the trees but can only see their beauty. Me just observing my tots. In the first half cycle some tots of past but I stopped it. No more on it. Later it was tots of me and my values and etc. By end of second cycle I can feel my spirit lifted and cheers came back. So walk the third cycle with cheers and lightness.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
It takes a little extra intelligence for a person to look beyond what's available in his culture. Whenever the culture is very old, the mystical will be very active. Only when ur economic and social needs are well taken care of, then - as an individual or as a culture - u start looking beyond other dimension. In many ways, culture which is new is hungry, hungry for life and well being, because the people still remember the difficulties that their forefathers had gone through to build it.
Soul
That's what Kashi is about. Also old soul tend to move into spirituality. Me is an old soul in disguise.
There are many people on new culture.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
There can be rigidity in ur energy. For someone whose energy is very fluid, the very first day of the simplest yoga kriya, and the energy will start moving and transforming, whereas for another person, even after years of practising for a long time, nothing seems to happen.
The rigidity of body, mind, emotion and energy isn't really separate, they are all connected. The rigidity of one dimension manifest itself in others.
Soul
I always lament my energy goes up and down when I m affected emotionally and mentally. And that's fluidity is what makes me receptive to kriya.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Ur sadhana of asana and kriya isn't about getting somewhere. It's just a way, a method to unleash a flood so enormous that it wipes away ur petty creations and leaves you as the Creator intended u to be.
Soul
Now I see. No wonder. I tot sadhanas will lead to somewhere.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Overcome ur likes and dislikes. Likes and dislikes have arisen from ur enslavement to the duality of life, which is the bedrock of ignorance. The very word of yoga means to transcend this duality and knows the oneness of existence.
Soul
I don't want to lead cos I want easy life, I don't want to feel restriction and most of all I don't want to be judged and found lacking.
Mmmm. Guess that's why I reacted against La. Yes, her accusation was loads of bulls except the part on me reading my resume.
Yea I love Sathsang and I prefer to be meditator instead of guide.
Also to declare on spiritual path also put me out to be judged. Anyway I already declared.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
U like or disliked something simply because somewhere deep down u have identified it as either good or bad. Whatever u identify as good u can't help liking and whether u identify as bad u can't help disliking.
Soul
Me still thinks its bad when others judge me. Still thinks its bad that I can feel shaken. Still thinks its bad that I need a partner.
Once and for all this will end.
Body wake up at around 5 am. Still early so slept and wake up. at alarm at 6.45 am. Seventh time with pre-sleep Samyama.
Went into the park. Can't feel the trees but can only see their beauty. Me just observing my tots. In the first half cycle some tots of past but I stopped it. No more on it. Later it was tots of me and my values and etc. By end of second cycle I can feel my spirit lifted and cheers came back. So walk the third cycle with cheers and lightness.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
It takes a little extra intelligence for a person to look beyond what's available in his culture. Whenever the culture is very old, the mystical will be very active. Only when ur economic and social needs are well taken care of, then - as an individual or as a culture - u start looking beyond other dimension. In many ways, culture which is new is hungry, hungry for life and well being, because the people still remember the difficulties that their forefathers had gone through to build it.
Soul
That's what Kashi is about. Also old soul tend to move into spirituality. Me is an old soul in disguise.
There are many people on new culture.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
There can be rigidity in ur energy. For someone whose energy is very fluid, the very first day of the simplest yoga kriya, and the energy will start moving and transforming, whereas for another person, even after years of practising for a long time, nothing seems to happen.
The rigidity of body, mind, emotion and energy isn't really separate, they are all connected. The rigidity of one dimension manifest itself in others.
Soul
I always lament my energy goes up and down when I m affected emotionally and mentally. And that's fluidity is what makes me receptive to kriya.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Ur sadhana of asana and kriya isn't about getting somewhere. It's just a way, a method to unleash a flood so enormous that it wipes away ur petty creations and leaves you as the Creator intended u to be.
Soul
Now I see. No wonder. I tot sadhanas will lead to somewhere.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Overcome ur likes and dislikes. Likes and dislikes have arisen from ur enslavement to the duality of life, which is the bedrock of ignorance. The very word of yoga means to transcend this duality and knows the oneness of existence.
Soul
I don't want to lead cos I want easy life, I don't want to feel restriction and most of all I don't want to be judged and found lacking.
Mmmm. Guess that's why I reacted against La. Yes, her accusation was loads of bulls except the part on me reading my resume.
Yea I love Sathsang and I prefer to be meditator instead of guide.
Also to declare on spiritual path also put me out to be judged. Anyway I already declared.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
U like or disliked something simply because somewhere deep down u have identified it as either good or bad. Whatever u identify as good u can't help liking and whether u identify as bad u can't help disliking.
Soul
Me still thinks its bad when others judge me. Still thinks its bad that I can feel shaken. Still thinks its bad that I need a partner.
Once and for all this will end.
It is me I need to immerse in...merging with my own self and not others
Oct 19 eve 1
I had immersed myself on others. I tried to merge with others
It is me that I need to immerse in.
I have been avoiding it. That's why I m said to be ironic. I avoid my inner because I want outer. But outer is not for me. It is time after 5 years to go inner. To immerse in myself.
Keep my faith that I will dispel my attachment. Since it happen to food, to swimming breast stroke, anything can happen.
My insecurity was always there. It just need relationships to flash it out due to my South node on Scorpio. No wonder my destiny for North node is ease in myself.
Feel better after watching Sadhguru video. Reaffirmed my spiritual path. Father, now my path is just me. Relationship with inner me also needs compromise. But it will always be True.
Just remember this 52 days of Seven and Three won't be easy.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Q: much of my anxiety I experience comes through my relationships. Isn't it reasonable to expect understanding from other people?
Sadhguru: You need only to understand the limitations and capabilities of these people and do what u can; only then will u have the power to move the situations the way u want it to go. If you are waiting for people to understand u and act, it is only a pipe dream; it's never going to happen.
The closer the relationship is, the more effort u should make to understand them. If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for u; if not, the relationship will break up.
Soul
Yea. To practice discernment; to set parameters and to know others too. To keep to my values and expect others to keep theirs.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Good and bad are always to ur ego requirements.
I had immersed myself on others. I tried to merge with others
It is me that I need to immerse in.
I have been avoiding it. That's why I m said to be ironic. I avoid my inner because I want outer. But outer is not for me. It is time after 5 years to go inner. To immerse in myself.
Keep my faith that I will dispel my attachment. Since it happen to food, to swimming breast stroke, anything can happen.
My insecurity was always there. It just need relationships to flash it out due to my South node on Scorpio. No wonder my destiny for North node is ease in myself.
Feel better after watching Sadhguru video. Reaffirmed my spiritual path. Father, now my path is just me. Relationship with inner me also needs compromise. But it will always be True.
Just remember this 52 days of Seven and Three won't be easy.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Q: much of my anxiety I experience comes through my relationships. Isn't it reasonable to expect understanding from other people?
Sadhguru: You need only to understand the limitations and capabilities of these people and do what u can; only then will u have the power to move the situations the way u want it to go. If you are waiting for people to understand u and act, it is only a pipe dream; it's never going to happen.
The closer the relationship is, the more effort u should make to understand them. If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for u; if not, the relationship will break up.
Soul
Yea. To practice discernment; to set parameters and to know others too. To keep to my values and expect others to keep theirs.
Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Good and bad are always to ur ego requirements.
Beginning new relationship with myself
Oct 19 eve
Walk in the park. Not an easy walk. Mind was distracted with tots of past and etc. All about how others tell me that I don't matter. I can see resentment rising. Towards the end of third cycle I came back to Now. Finally feeling the trees once more. Its need me to be switched on before they can connect with me. Its two way.
Feeling of unease arise. And this inner unease comes even when I was with Z and he didn't show care.
Father, no more. I spend one and half year with him and half year of heartbroken and half year of recovery. No more. Two and half year is a long time...
Looking at this I truly was so absorbed in him as if he was my center of universe.
I should be my own center.
Today 7thunder card
My Daily Card
The Ace of Hearts
The Ace of Hearts represents a desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationships to be created. For this reason, it can indicate a new love affair or the birth of a child. Though influenced by each planetary period in a specific and unique way, this creative love energy always represents an awakening of love or passion in one's heart.
On a deeper level, the Ace of Hearts, being the very first card in the deck, represents a search for something inside of our self. Perhaps it is the search for self-identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within. This is why the Ace of Hearts can represent a new relationship beginning.
Soul
No wonder. Such restlessness.
Again, a search for something inside of my self.
Once and for all, I will do it.
No more seeking outside.
No more relying myself on others.
I am responsible for my own ease...never others.
52 days in Mars - Oct 15 to Dec 5
My 52-Day Period Card in Destiny
The Seven of Diamonds
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Ruling
Three of Spades (creativity, stress, working two jobs)
Known as the Artist card as it most creative. It is so creative if not channelled properly, it can represent indecision, fear and physical stress.
Soul
No wonder, such restlessness arise...a Seven and a Three,...
Will just have to see this period through...
Great that I am going for Samyama in November, another 3 weeks to go...
Walk in the park. Not an easy walk. Mind was distracted with tots of past and etc. All about how others tell me that I don't matter. I can see resentment rising. Towards the end of third cycle I came back to Now. Finally feeling the trees once more. Its need me to be switched on before they can connect with me. Its two way.
Feeling of unease arise. And this inner unease comes even when I was with Z and he didn't show care.
Father, no more. I spend one and half year with him and half year of heartbroken and half year of recovery. No more. Two and half year is a long time...
Looking at this I truly was so absorbed in him as if he was my center of universe.
I should be my own center.
Today 7thunder card
My Daily Card
The Ace of Hearts
The Ace of Hearts represents a desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationships to be created. For this reason, it can indicate a new love affair or the birth of a child. Though influenced by each planetary period in a specific and unique way, this creative love energy always represents an awakening of love or passion in one's heart.
On a deeper level, the Ace of Hearts, being the very first card in the deck, represents a search for something inside of our self. Perhaps it is the search for self-identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within. This is why the Ace of Hearts can represent a new relationship beginning.
Soul
No wonder. Such restlessness.
Again, a search for something inside of my self.
Once and for all, I will do it.
No more seeking outside.
No more relying myself on others.
I am responsible for my own ease...never others.
52 days in Mars - Oct 15 to Dec 5
My 52-Day Period Card in Destiny
The Seven of Diamonds
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Ruling
Three of Spades (creativity, stress, working two jobs)
Known as the Artist card as it most creative. It is so creative if not channelled properly, it can represent indecision, fear and physical stress.
Soul
No wonder, such restlessness arise...a Seven and a Three,...
Will just have to see this period through...
Great that I am going for Samyama in November, another 3 weeks to go...
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Sadhguru - fear is the creation of overactive and out of control mind
Oct 19 aft
It is raining. Just watching my favourite Saturday show Masterchef Australia. Didn't want to do anything. It is now raining heavily. Suddenly wish I m with someone and feeling but sad. But I quickly remember my joy at the pool. So just focus on my breathe and the sadness passed.
Only I can make myself matter to me. Being matter to others is no longer my goal.
Let me enjoy my aloneness, both physical and mental. Need not bring back mental past to avoid being alone. A smile is coming.
The last time I read Mystic musing was about a year ago, my second read. The main thing I got then was to remain open so I can be with Dhynalinga.
Mystic Musings by Sadhguru
As long as u are identified as a physical body, as long as ur experience of life is limited to ur physical and mental faculties, fear and insecurities are inevitable.
Soul
Just now in the pool start to have negative tots on the ex school mates disregarding my request for a restaurant that can have both veg and non veg food. It was petty but it keep on coming back. I keep on seeing myself telling others In the dinner I felt hurt that my simple request was ignored and even made to feel I am asking loads.
After awhile I just focus back on the pool and tots went off.
Father, when I was in the pool, I felt such joy, just want to dance and sing. I felt on top of the world on my own. When I was driving I sense the aliveness and love from the trees.
(Oct 21 - some of them did care. They deliberately order fruits so I can have. Again..my mind playing victim..hoping I matters to others..)
Mystic Musings by Sadhguru
Experiencing yourself beyond the physical is what we are referring to as spiritual.
Once this spiritual dimension is alive, once u start experiencing yourself beyond the limitation of the physical and the mental, only then there's no such thing as fear. Fear is just the creation of an overactive and out of control mind.
Soul
Went to bed for a nap. Before I slept I said to myself I have been bestowed with grace. My experience of spiritual path is truly effortless. My physical world apart from romantic and some personal parental relationships is quite good too. Suddenly I feel gratitude for what I have received.
On the spiritual path I have not been as grateful because it was effortless. Actually physical world took more toil.
It is raining. Just watching my favourite Saturday show Masterchef Australia. Didn't want to do anything. It is now raining heavily. Suddenly wish I m with someone and feeling but sad. But I quickly remember my joy at the pool. So just focus on my breathe and the sadness passed.
Only I can make myself matter to me. Being matter to others is no longer my goal.
Let me enjoy my aloneness, both physical and mental. Need not bring back mental past to avoid being alone. A smile is coming.
The last time I read Mystic musing was about a year ago, my second read. The main thing I got then was to remain open so I can be with Dhynalinga.
Mystic Musings by Sadhguru
As long as u are identified as a physical body, as long as ur experience of life is limited to ur physical and mental faculties, fear and insecurities are inevitable.
Soul
Just now in the pool start to have negative tots on the ex school mates disregarding my request for a restaurant that can have both veg and non veg food. It was petty but it keep on coming back. I keep on seeing myself telling others In the dinner I felt hurt that my simple request was ignored and even made to feel I am asking loads.
After awhile I just focus back on the pool and tots went off.
Father, when I was in the pool, I felt such joy, just want to dance and sing. I felt on top of the world on my own. When I was driving I sense the aliveness and love from the trees.
(Oct 21 - some of them did care. They deliberately order fruits so I can have. Again..my mind playing victim..hoping I matters to others..)
Mystic Musings by Sadhguru
Experiencing yourself beyond the physical is what we are referring to as spiritual.
Once this spiritual dimension is alive, once u start experiencing yourself beyond the limitation of the physical and the mental, only then there's no such thing as fear. Fear is just the creation of an overactive and out of control mind.
Soul
Went to bed for a nap. Before I slept I said to myself I have been bestowed with grace. My experience of spiritual path is truly effortless. My physical world apart from romantic and some personal parental relationships is quite good too. Suddenly I feel gratitude for what I have received.
On the spiritual path I have not been as grateful because it was effortless. Actually physical world took more toil.
I am back...
Oct 19
Body woke up fresh before 6 am. This is sixth time on pre-sleep Samyama and I only did about 20 minutes cos I was sleepy.
Since yesterday night, a tot came. The past is truly over. I need no relive it in my mind nor prolong it. I was the one that holds it. Time to let go and be the Light again.
My stories were meant to be uplifting but has become morose. Will reedit volume 4 and revamp volume 5 as many stories not uplifting. Put in the lessons I have learned. I m ready to be back once more.
It was a difficult ending but was necessary for my growth. But I m grown, time to be back.
Did my practices. Breathing was lovely. Shakti was focused almost all the way. Shambavi was good. In the end an exchange of air from guts and a growling animal voice came out. I felt blowing out all my past. Later just stillness. Towards the end laughing loads.
Went for a swim. Was singing Karpura Gauram and laughing loads. So nice.
Body woke up fresh before 6 am. This is sixth time on pre-sleep Samyama and I only did about 20 minutes cos I was sleepy.
Since yesterday night, a tot came. The past is truly over. I need no relive it in my mind nor prolong it. I was the one that holds it. Time to let go and be the Light again.
My stories were meant to be uplifting but has become morose. Will reedit volume 4 and revamp volume 5 as many stories not uplifting. Put in the lessons I have learned. I m ready to be back once more.
It was a difficult ending but was necessary for my growth. But I m grown, time to be back.
Did my practices. Breathing was lovely. Shakti was focused almost all the way. Shambavi was good. In the end an exchange of air from guts and a growling animal voice came out. I felt blowing out all my past. Later just stillness. Towards the end laughing loads.
Went for a swim. Was singing Karpura Gauram and laughing loads. So nice.
Finally..no regrets that we ended
Oct 18 aft
Reading my old old blog...I can see the lonely child back in 2011 and 2012...
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
Ramateertha
This Ramateertha was badly trapped and I was just watching and enjoying seeing him being trapped. I saw those abusing him, and I also saw that man Ramateertha who was trapped and being abused. I kept watching the whole scene.
When u have attained this third perspective, only then is there equanimity. If u only have two perspectives there cannot be any equanimity; then there is only the abuser and the abused.
Equanimity is only, when, beyond the duality, beyond the two opposing points, the third perspective begins to be seen. The witnessing is equanimity.
Through self consolation, a good man is born; through witnessing, a saint is born. A good man is good on outside but wicked inside. A saint is good both inside and outside. A wicked man is wicked both outside and inside. There is similarity between Saint and wicked man is uniform both outside and inside. A good man is hanging between these two; hence, there is no end to the misery of a good man, because his mind is like that of a wicked person but his behavior is like that of a saint. Hence good man lives in a great dilemma. In his mind there is always duality.
Soul
Sometimes I m same both outside and inside. But not when it comes to relationships; that's my dilemma.
But in general I want my outside to be same as inside eventhough it cause me social trouble at times.
Now reading my journal back in Mar 2011 and picked up this salients points as reminders.
My lifetime challenge card
Environment card in age 52 is ur lifetime challenge
Seven of Heart
Real experience of Unconditional love
As u allow others to be who they are, u also allow yourself to be yourself, and in this way, u will be able to experience a new sense of personal freedom. To be totally free means having no attachment to others and no worries about whether or not they love us. It also means having a knowing that there will always be enough love in our life, because it comes from within.
Soul
Yea, Love comes from within.
From Ekhart tolle
Once u become one with nature. Nature will become helpful, to teach u to be still, to be alive.
If u can feel the stillness of trees, that's means u have the stillness.
Just be with nature. Firstly u see the form. Then u may notice the life form of urself.
Soul
I am feeling the aliveness and beauty and love from the trees and grass..
Love them.
Walking into the park is like walking into Sathsang hall.
Amen
Reading thru the journals. I can see the lost child looking for security, looking for love.
I can see the child overcoming her fear.
I can see she went into the non committed relationship courageously and plan to end quick.
But alas it continues and feelings arise...
then the ending.
Throughout there is no reading of good book there.
Me, suddenly feel I don't want to read anymore.
It is true, for the one and half year with him...I was just on him alone.
just merging with him alone..other than the physical transformation, there is no spiritual growth but got physical growth, the spiritual growth comes in the ending..which is this year.
Father, I like the grown up me. I like myself as the woman. I am now ready to merge within and without.
Father, no regrets that we ended. We were meant to be for a season. It was an extended season, nevertheless a season only.
Reading my old old blog...I can see the lonely child back in 2011 and 2012...
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
Ramateertha
This Ramateertha was badly trapped and I was just watching and enjoying seeing him being trapped. I saw those abusing him, and I also saw that man Ramateertha who was trapped and being abused. I kept watching the whole scene.
When u have attained this third perspective, only then is there equanimity. If u only have two perspectives there cannot be any equanimity; then there is only the abuser and the abused.
Equanimity is only, when, beyond the duality, beyond the two opposing points, the third perspective begins to be seen. The witnessing is equanimity.
Through self consolation, a good man is born; through witnessing, a saint is born. A good man is good on outside but wicked inside. A saint is good both inside and outside. A wicked man is wicked both outside and inside. There is similarity between Saint and wicked man is uniform both outside and inside. A good man is hanging between these two; hence, there is no end to the misery of a good man, because his mind is like that of a wicked person but his behavior is like that of a saint. Hence good man lives in a great dilemma. In his mind there is always duality.
Soul
Sometimes I m same both outside and inside. But not when it comes to relationships; that's my dilemma.
But in general I want my outside to be same as inside eventhough it cause me social trouble at times.
Now reading my journal back in Mar 2011 and picked up this salients points as reminders.
My lifetime challenge card
Environment card in age 52 is ur lifetime challenge
Seven of Heart
Real experience of Unconditional love
As u allow others to be who they are, u also allow yourself to be yourself, and in this way, u will be able to experience a new sense of personal freedom. To be totally free means having no attachment to others and no worries about whether or not they love us. It also means having a knowing that there will always be enough love in our life, because it comes from within.
Soul
Yea, Love comes from within.
From Ekhart tolle
Once u become one with nature. Nature will become helpful, to teach u to be still, to be alive.
If u can feel the stillness of trees, that's means u have the stillness.
Just be with nature. Firstly u see the form. Then u may notice the life form of urself.
Soul
I am feeling the aliveness and beauty and love from the trees and grass..
Love them.
Walking into the park is like walking into Sathsang hall.
Amen
Reading thru the journals. I can see the lost child looking for security, looking for love.
I can see the child overcoming her fear.
I can see she went into the non committed relationship courageously and plan to end quick.
But alas it continues and feelings arise...
then the ending.
Throughout there is no reading of good book there.
Me, suddenly feel I don't want to read anymore.
It is true, for the one and half year with him...I was just on him alone.
just merging with him alone..other than the physical transformation, there is no spiritual growth but got physical growth, the spiritual growth comes in the ending..which is this year.
Father, I like the grown up me. I like myself as the woman. I am now ready to merge within and without.
Father, no regrets that we ended. We were meant to be for a season. It was an extended season, nevertheless a season only.
Self mastery - equanimity in relationships
Oct 18
Did pre-sleep Samyama for about 25 minutes. Body woke up fresh around 3 plus am. I told myself to sleep back and wake up 4.16 am. Body was fine no drowsiness.
This is the fourth time with same power nap effect. Will continue.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. Quite good. Breathing was nice. Shakti was focused. When I start Shambavi, mind was singing and head shaking non stop. Preparatory steps was nice. Suka kriya focused on breathing. Did a slow aum chanting. Towards the end contentment. After closing invocation I was laughing and crying. Crying out of thankfulness for the joy I have received. I affirmed my spiritual path.
Had some tots of La, of the old school mates that non negotiable. Some tots of office. All come and went as I didn't focus on them.
On the way to work, just look at the trees and grass at road side, seeing their beauty and feeling their care for me.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
The work of the intellect is to attach tots, to label everything, to give words, name and form to everything.
Equanimity means there is no reaction at all within u, whether one abuses u or one respects u - a total absence of reaction within. Simply nothing stirs u. The abuse remain outside and the respect remain outside; nothing at all enters within.
When will this happens? This will happens only when there is a witness inside.
Soul
Far off.
Samyama was said to give equanimity but I m still far off. At this point I can only relax myself and give power nap.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
When someone abuses us there is a reaction. On hearing abuse we immediately feel that 'I have been abused', and the suffering begins.
When somebody respects us we feel happy because it feels that 'I am respected'. It means that whatsoever is done to you, u become identified with it. It is because of this that suffering and pleasure are created, disharmony is created and balance is lost.
Soul
My dream of Self mastery is mainly on equanimity especially in relationships.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
A moral person also tries to attain equanimity but such equanimity is imposed, cultivated. The person consoles himself with, 'What if somebody has abused me? There is no harm.' And if somebody respects him, he thinks, 'Okay, that is his desire. I shall remain in equanimity between the two. This sort of equanimity remains on the surface, he can be provoked.
Soul
Still far off.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
In the eyes of the Upanishads, character-oriented equanimity has no value. In the eyes of Upanishads, only equanimity derived from the being has value. Being-oriented equanimity means that whatsoever may happens outside, u remain the witness.
Soul
That's my dream.
Father, you just given me the answer I sought when I want to resolve my hidden insecurity. Both security and insecurity is the same as both is outside driven. My security was false as it is dependence on outside force.
Now I know why the hiccup at Sathsang, the abuse from La and the snub from ex school mates. All happen to let me 'suffer', see and come to this point.
And this will further give me impetus on the Samyama Refresher.
Did pre-sleep Samyama for about 25 minutes. Body woke up fresh around 3 plus am. I told myself to sleep back and wake up 4.16 am. Body was fine no drowsiness.
This is the fourth time with same power nap effect. Will continue.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. Quite good. Breathing was nice. Shakti was focused. When I start Shambavi, mind was singing and head shaking non stop. Preparatory steps was nice. Suka kriya focused on breathing. Did a slow aum chanting. Towards the end contentment. After closing invocation I was laughing and crying. Crying out of thankfulness for the joy I have received. I affirmed my spiritual path.
Had some tots of La, of the old school mates that non negotiable. Some tots of office. All come and went as I didn't focus on them.
On the way to work, just look at the trees and grass at road side, seeing their beauty and feeling their care for me.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
The work of the intellect is to attach tots, to label everything, to give words, name and form to everything.
Equanimity means there is no reaction at all within u, whether one abuses u or one respects u - a total absence of reaction within. Simply nothing stirs u. The abuse remain outside and the respect remain outside; nothing at all enters within.
When will this happens? This will happens only when there is a witness inside.
Soul
Far off.
Samyama was said to give equanimity but I m still far off. At this point I can only relax myself and give power nap.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
When someone abuses us there is a reaction. On hearing abuse we immediately feel that 'I have been abused', and the suffering begins.
When somebody respects us we feel happy because it feels that 'I am respected'. It means that whatsoever is done to you, u become identified with it. It is because of this that suffering and pleasure are created, disharmony is created and balance is lost.
Soul
My dream of Self mastery is mainly on equanimity especially in relationships.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
A moral person also tries to attain equanimity but such equanimity is imposed, cultivated. The person consoles himself with, 'What if somebody has abused me? There is no harm.' And if somebody respects him, he thinks, 'Okay, that is his desire. I shall remain in equanimity between the two. This sort of equanimity remains on the surface, he can be provoked.
Soul
Still far off.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
In the eyes of the Upanishads, character-oriented equanimity has no value. In the eyes of Upanishads, only equanimity derived from the being has value. Being-oriented equanimity means that whatsoever may happens outside, u remain the witness.
Soul
That's my dream.
Father, you just given me the answer I sought when I want to resolve my hidden insecurity. Both security and insecurity is the same as both is outside driven. My security was false as it is dependence on outside force.
Now I know why the hiccup at Sathsang, the abuse from La and the snub from ex school mates. All happen to let me 'suffer', see and come to this point.
And this will further give me impetus on the Samyama Refresher.
A fake..inside I am insecure
Oct 17 eve
Just finished walk. When I reached there, tears just flow. I was sad that actually I m so insecure. So affected by others. I m real fake. On the outside so confident but inside insecure.
Father, the garden is like my oasis, my Sathsang place.
Moments later saw a friend and I quickly dry my eyes. She looked in bad shape. We walk for one and half round. Then I complete the second portion on my own. Just focus on my breathe.
Towards the end I feel the situation on letting go of being a guide now is similar to me dropping the sister company job. Everyone tot I m insane for dropping the bigger pay and better prospect job. But I knew in the end I go back to current company cos my dream is 3 days work.
Now the same. Ultimately I knew what I want is comfort and easy life. I don't want to be a guide or a leader in local Isha. I just want to be a normal meditator.
The adoration of myself by myself is the key. The adoration of others is based on whether i m useful to them or not
Pe adored herself. L knows what she wants.
Tried to arrange a farewell meal. Did asked the farewell gal if she ok we go chinese food. But the others said nope...not caring that I can only eat veg. At first I tot just give in but later assert myself and got negative answer.
Mmm, I took it personally. Firstly they don't know me....what's that to care. They are only asserting their rights just like me.
Got this from Facebook.
Akashic record
You are the answer to someone 's prayer.
Someone needs you.
But here is the thing: if you are not living true to yourself, they won't be able to recognise you.
They need the unique u, however awkward you may be.
Do a favour to them, to yourself and the whole world by honouring yourself.
Soul
Amen.
Yes. I m insecure within. Now that door is finally open I can face it. It can no longer lead me unconsciously.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
Intellect divides everything in two. Intellect is analysis, intellect is discrimination, intellect is division. That's why birth and death is two things to us. Happiness and unhappiness as two separate things. What appears as happiness today, by tomorrow morning can become unhappiness. Love can become hate. Attraction becomes repulsion. Friendship becomes enmity. These are not two things, otherwise change from one to the other is not possible.
One who is alive a moment ago is dead now. So life and death cannot be two separate things, otherwise how could a living man die? How could life turn to death?
Soul
Suddenly a tot came; how could my security turns into insecurity. Aren't they separate?
Just finished walk. When I reached there, tears just flow. I was sad that actually I m so insecure. So affected by others. I m real fake. On the outside so confident but inside insecure.
Father, the garden is like my oasis, my Sathsang place.
Moments later saw a friend and I quickly dry my eyes. She looked in bad shape. We walk for one and half round. Then I complete the second portion on my own. Just focus on my breathe.
Towards the end I feel the situation on letting go of being a guide now is similar to me dropping the sister company job. Everyone tot I m insane for dropping the bigger pay and better prospect job. But I knew in the end I go back to current company cos my dream is 3 days work.
Now the same. Ultimately I knew what I want is comfort and easy life. I don't want to be a guide or a leader in local Isha. I just want to be a normal meditator.
The adoration of myself by myself is the key. The adoration of others is based on whether i m useful to them or not
Pe adored herself. L knows what she wants.
Tried to arrange a farewell meal. Did asked the farewell gal if she ok we go chinese food. But the others said nope...not caring that I can only eat veg. At first I tot just give in but later assert myself and got negative answer.
Mmm, I took it personally. Firstly they don't know me....what's that to care. They are only asserting their rights just like me.
Got this from Facebook.
Akashic record
You are the answer to someone 's prayer.
Someone needs you.
But here is the thing: if you are not living true to yourself, they won't be able to recognise you.
They need the unique u, however awkward you may be.
Do a favour to them, to yourself and the whole world by honouring yourself.
Soul
Amen.
Yes. I m insecure within. Now that door is finally open I can face it. It can no longer lead me unconsciously.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
Intellect divides everything in two. Intellect is analysis, intellect is discrimination, intellect is division. That's why birth and death is two things to us. Happiness and unhappiness as two separate things. What appears as happiness today, by tomorrow morning can become unhappiness. Love can become hate. Attraction becomes repulsion. Friendship becomes enmity. These are not two things, otherwise change from one to the other is not possible.
One who is alive a moment ago is dead now. So life and death cannot be two separate things, otherwise how could a living man die? How could life turn to death?
Soul
Suddenly a tot came; how could my security turns into insecurity. Aren't they separate?
Z was not my soul mate...now I know
Oct 17 aft
Michele Knight on North Node in Taurus
North or True Node in the sign of Taurus then you have chosen to walk the path of Spiritual Values.
Your Soul Path Journey: It’s not about other people’s values and beliefs, but yours if you have your North Node in Taurus. Your task is to create your own that you live by, stand by and which sustain you and provide you with a deep sense of connection and stability no matter what may be happening externally in your life. You are the calm after the storm, the eye of the hurricane, the rock that cannot be broken, the safe harbour you and those you love can always find shelter in.
Your South Node: Is in Scorpio, sign of transformation, change, shared resources and also power, manipulation, domination and control. Your journey involves being your own personal agent of change through grounding yourself in your beliefs and values. When you feel secure you have no need to control or manipulate others. In this way you release any negative karma associated with the past.
How Your Soul Mate Will Recognise You: You effortlessly fuse creativity with practicality in anything you do. And you’ve got that whole hidden sexy thing going on which you take a little time to reveal. As you get to know one another better you will notice your soul mate is helping you to heal old emotional wounds and the two of you will work towards building something – a project, a home, a garden, a creative work, anything that both of you are passionate about.
It’s Not A Soul Mate When: You begin to notice you are keeping things from them, become obsessive, possessive, manipulative, controlling, create psycho-drama such as arguments where you call it quits only to get back together with great make-up sex just to repeat the whole cycle again weeks later.
Remember, every connection we make is here to teach us something about ourselves. North Node in Taurus is all about security without rigidity or the need to control. You key word is trust because when you trust yourself it’s then easy to trust other people.
Soul
Everything is coming into place.
Now no longer needs Eight in my life.
I am generating my own Power...power of my own values...
By affirming and asserting my values...I am loving myself.
And looking at this, Z was definitely not my soul mate. We don't have any mutual passion to work on, except the sex...
Anyway, no regrets, I needed a player to open me up physically and he has patiently done it.
Michele Knight on North Node in Taurus
North or True Node in the sign of Taurus then you have chosen to walk the path of Spiritual Values.
Your Soul Path Journey: It’s not about other people’s values and beliefs, but yours if you have your North Node in Taurus. Your task is to create your own that you live by, stand by and which sustain you and provide you with a deep sense of connection and stability no matter what may be happening externally in your life. You are the calm after the storm, the eye of the hurricane, the rock that cannot be broken, the safe harbour you and those you love can always find shelter in.
Your South Node: Is in Scorpio, sign of transformation, change, shared resources and also power, manipulation, domination and control. Your journey involves being your own personal agent of change through grounding yourself in your beliefs and values. When you feel secure you have no need to control or manipulate others. In this way you release any negative karma associated with the past.
How Your Soul Mate Will Recognise You: You effortlessly fuse creativity with practicality in anything you do. And you’ve got that whole hidden sexy thing going on which you take a little time to reveal. As you get to know one another better you will notice your soul mate is helping you to heal old emotional wounds and the two of you will work towards building something – a project, a home, a garden, a creative work, anything that both of you are passionate about.
It’s Not A Soul Mate When: You begin to notice you are keeping things from them, become obsessive, possessive, manipulative, controlling, create psycho-drama such as arguments where you call it quits only to get back together with great make-up sex just to repeat the whole cycle again weeks later.
Remember, every connection we make is here to teach us something about ourselves. North Node in Taurus is all about security without rigidity or the need to control. You key word is trust because when you trust yourself it’s then easy to trust other people.
Soul
Everything is coming into place.
Now no longer needs Eight in my life.
I am generating my own Power...power of my own values...
By affirming and asserting my values...I am loving myself.
And looking at this, Z was definitely not my soul mate. We don't have any mutual passion to work on, except the sex...
Anyway, no regrets, I needed a player to open me up physically and he has patiently done it.
It is normal to have different values
Oct 17
Woke up around 5 plus am. Samyama meditation really relaxed the mind loads that I slept like a babe and hence body enough rest.
Anyway, since this is holiday I slept back and woke up at 7.16 am. Thank God the past is finally over. Thank God Z didn't choose me; otherwise I can't be on my easy path. Others on Spades will judge me but then we have different values. I m not a doer, never been and won't be.
Practise my guru pooja. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya, foot alignment not great cos having tots. But little of past.
Shakti was good. Focused on Kapala Bhakti but last breathing still not good.
Shambavi was good. In the end just quietness and I sang love songs. Feels rested.
I recalled some attacking tots on La. I let it run for awhile then a tot came; path of least resistance - avoid drama queens. Besides her outburst is on her alone and at least I now got valid excuse to avoid. Also I m no longer the guide. Yea.
Got this from FB.
Letting go gives us freedom. Freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we cling on to anything, we cannot be free.
Was updating my blog on Oct 10 and got this.
Debbie Ford
To stop sabotaging ourselves, we begin by forgiving ourselves for being part of the human race, with flaws and imperfections, misbehavings, and sometimes making wrong choices. If u can forgive urself internally and have compassion and openheartedness toward that sweet, vulnerable child who lives inside u, then u will create those kind of magical moments in the outer word.
The outer world will reflect that self-love and u won't want to sabotage urself. U will be careful who u hang around, what u say u r going to do, because u become precious to urself.
Soul
Yes I am precious. I now practice discernment. Not everyone can appreciate my joy and love.
So, won't judge myself or let others judge me for avoiding La.
For avoiding leadership in Isha.
Just have to remember that we got loads of Spades...and our values are different.
I no longer ask them why they think its valuable....and whereas I don't think so...
It is their value, not mine...
No point asking others values and miscolor mine.
Father, slowly but surely I m finding my values of just relaxing, letting things be, floating aimlessly is fine.
Thats my Taurus in North Node....
and the one that judge me and subconsciously go into intense activities is my South Node in Scorpio...
No more.....
Guess thats was the attraction to Z...he has Moon in Scorpio...a pity he is a new North Node Aquarius.....which is actually my North Node in 1st house..
Woke up around 5 plus am. Samyama meditation really relaxed the mind loads that I slept like a babe and hence body enough rest.
Anyway, since this is holiday I slept back and woke up at 7.16 am. Thank God the past is finally over. Thank God Z didn't choose me; otherwise I can't be on my easy path. Others on Spades will judge me but then we have different values. I m not a doer, never been and won't be.
Practise my guru pooja. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya, foot alignment not great cos having tots. But little of past.
Shakti was good. Focused on Kapala Bhakti but last breathing still not good.
Shambavi was good. In the end just quietness and I sang love songs. Feels rested.
I recalled some attacking tots on La. I let it run for awhile then a tot came; path of least resistance - avoid drama queens. Besides her outburst is on her alone and at least I now got valid excuse to avoid. Also I m no longer the guide. Yea.
Got this from FB.
Letting go gives us freedom. Freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we cling on to anything, we cannot be free.
Was updating my blog on Oct 10 and got this.
Debbie Ford
To stop sabotaging ourselves, we begin by forgiving ourselves for being part of the human race, with flaws and imperfections, misbehavings, and sometimes making wrong choices. If u can forgive urself internally and have compassion and openheartedness toward that sweet, vulnerable child who lives inside u, then u will create those kind of magical moments in the outer word.
The outer world will reflect that self-love and u won't want to sabotage urself. U will be careful who u hang around, what u say u r going to do, because u become precious to urself.
Soul
Yes I am precious. I now practice discernment. Not everyone can appreciate my joy and love.
So, won't judge myself or let others judge me for avoiding La.
For avoiding leadership in Isha.
Just have to remember that we got loads of Spades...and our values are different.
I no longer ask them why they think its valuable....and whereas I don't think so...
It is their value, not mine...
No point asking others values and miscolor mine.
Father, slowly but surely I m finding my values of just relaxing, letting things be, floating aimlessly is fine.
Thats my Taurus in North Node....
and the one that judge me and subconsciously go into intense activities is my South Node in Scorpio...
No more.....
Guess thats was the attraction to Z...he has Moon in Scorpio...a pity he is a new North Node Aquarius.....which is actually my North Node in 1st house..
Judgement and Discernment is not the same
Oct 16 aft 2
Father both came together. No regrets over ending with Z and no regrets for letting go of local Isha leadership. In my mail to teacher I basically stressed that i have different needs.
The Divided Self
Self Esteem by E.R. Skoglund
To make a sensible appraisal of oneself is to evaluate oneself according to one's strength as well as weaknesses, one's potential .... as well as one's vulnerabilities .... Self-love involves a comfortableness with one's being, but is not devoid of impetus for growth .... humility is not synonymous with low self esteem..,.it is an absence of occupation with oneself. It implies a good self-image .....
So, the loving order, biblically, is this;
Jesus first,
Ourselves second,
You next.
Soul
Interesting.
The Divided Self
Judging a situation or a person and being discerning about them, are two completely different activities. They arise from different origins, operate on different motivations and produce different effects.
Discernment is vital in the battle between good and evil. If we confuse it with judgement we will feel we shouldn't do it.
Soul
I have been asked to be discerning in my choices of partners.
Father both came together. No regrets over ending with Z and no regrets for letting go of local Isha leadership. In my mail to teacher I basically stressed that i have different needs.
The Divided Self
Self Esteem by E.R. Skoglund
To make a sensible appraisal of oneself is to evaluate oneself according to one's strength as well as weaknesses, one's potential .... as well as one's vulnerabilities .... Self-love involves a comfortableness with one's being, but is not devoid of impetus for growth .... humility is not synonymous with low self esteem..,.it is an absence of occupation with oneself. It implies a good self-image .....
So, the loving order, biblically, is this;
Jesus first,
Ourselves second,
You next.
Soul
Interesting.
The Divided Self
Judging a situation or a person and being discerning about them, are two completely different activities. They arise from different origins, operate on different motivations and produce different effects.
Discernment is vital in the battle between good and evil. If we confuse it with judgement we will feel we shouldn't do it.
Soul
I have been asked to be discerning in my choices of partners.
North node in Taurus - relax and rest
Oct 16 aft 1
Got this from raginguniverse blogspot
North node in taurus
Relax. Take a big deep breath. Exhale. Smell the grass. Soak in the evening sun. Relax. Take another full breath. Relax. Watch the sun slowly set. Get ready for a fine dinner. Relax. Breathe in and out.
Relax.....
Relax.....
Relax......
The easy chair. The NN in Taurus is scheduled for a rest this lifetime. She's invited to park herself in a comfortable chair, rooted to the spot while the turbulent world swirls around her. She feels no need to leap up, fill herself with tension and anxiety, and join in the unrest, unless she wants to, of course. She can linger in the moment as long as she desires, undisturbed, content, and at peace.
The world of the senses. The NN in Taurus was born to fully indulge in and enjoy the experience of the five human senses. After years of distracting pain she is enchanted with these feelings offered to her without conditions. She's like a newborn when the freedom from torment finally arrives and she can abandon herself to these easy sensations without restraint, guilt, or fear that they will suddenly be taken away. She can grasp and hold pleasure. Possess it to the fullest.
Soul
Thats so me.
Now that I am working on 3 days week, I got basically 4 rest days.
I just relaxed, have coffee and do my writing in cafe in the afternoon.
In the evening, just walk in the park, feeling the love and care from nature.
I am finally here.
Thankful that Z couldn't change his mind on children; otherwise I be stuck and diverted from my path. Thank Father for helping me here.
Teacher was not supportive of me letting go of sathsang guide. I did tell her that being a guide means being the local lead and I truly don't want to lead. Just remember she has Eight of Spades and Ten of Diamonds, a true workaholic. We are the opposite. Anyway, in order to placate her and also to ensure I make decision in the right frame of mind, I said that I will decide after Samyama and hope she will support me in whatever decision I made.
But looking at these, my mind is made up..and I am on the correct path.
Raging universe blogspot
North node in Taurus
Nowism. No other human is more capable of living in the moment than the NN Taurus. She has no desire to leave the reality she's in. It's exactly right. It contains everything she wants. Even if the imagination wanders off to foreign dimensions, her body is content to be where it is, and awaits her mind's return with eagerness. Dinner is ahead, perhaps a hot bath, a slick shiny magazine, some jazzy love songs, or some delicious conversation on the Internet. So many possibilities, so much to do.
Soul
Exactly how I feel doing Samyama. It is so me. Just be there doing nothing.
Contentment, fulfillment, and peace. The NN Taurean has finally reached the plateau, the beautiful rich peaceful meadow she sensed was ahead. She can build her life now without panic and fear that the foundation will drop out from under her. She is entirely self supporting and has the leisure time to do what she wants at her own pace. She can contemplate the world immediately around her trusting in its generosity and relaxing in its safety. She is on rock solid ground entirely at home. Comfortable, satisfied, complete.
Soul
Exactly. I told Z I can't live like him constantly with money issue.
I have wrongly projected my goodness to him; he was a player and he consciously attract to intense critical financial situation by spending beyond his means.
Got this from raginguniverse blogspot
North node in taurus
Relax. Take a big deep breath. Exhale. Smell the grass. Soak in the evening sun. Relax. Take another full breath. Relax. Watch the sun slowly set. Get ready for a fine dinner. Relax. Breathe in and out.
Relax.....
Relax.....
Relax......
The easy chair. The NN in Taurus is scheduled for a rest this lifetime. She's invited to park herself in a comfortable chair, rooted to the spot while the turbulent world swirls around her. She feels no need to leap up, fill herself with tension and anxiety, and join in the unrest, unless she wants to, of course. She can linger in the moment as long as she desires, undisturbed, content, and at peace.
The world of the senses. The NN in Taurus was born to fully indulge in and enjoy the experience of the five human senses. After years of distracting pain she is enchanted with these feelings offered to her without conditions. She's like a newborn when the freedom from torment finally arrives and she can abandon herself to these easy sensations without restraint, guilt, or fear that they will suddenly be taken away. She can grasp and hold pleasure. Possess it to the fullest.
Soul
Thats so me.
Now that I am working on 3 days week, I got basically 4 rest days.
I just relaxed, have coffee and do my writing in cafe in the afternoon.
In the evening, just walk in the park, feeling the love and care from nature.
I am finally here.
Thankful that Z couldn't change his mind on children; otherwise I be stuck and diverted from my path. Thank Father for helping me here.
Teacher was not supportive of me letting go of sathsang guide. I did tell her that being a guide means being the local lead and I truly don't want to lead. Just remember she has Eight of Spades and Ten of Diamonds, a true workaholic. We are the opposite. Anyway, in order to placate her and also to ensure I make decision in the right frame of mind, I said that I will decide after Samyama and hope she will support me in whatever decision I made.
But looking at these, my mind is made up..and I am on the correct path.
Raging universe blogspot
North node in Taurus
Nowism. No other human is more capable of living in the moment than the NN Taurus. She has no desire to leave the reality she's in. It's exactly right. It contains everything she wants. Even if the imagination wanders off to foreign dimensions, her body is content to be where it is, and awaits her mind's return with eagerness. Dinner is ahead, perhaps a hot bath, a slick shiny magazine, some jazzy love songs, or some delicious conversation on the Internet. So many possibilities, so much to do.
Soul
Exactly how I feel doing Samyama. It is so me. Just be there doing nothing.
Contentment, fulfillment, and peace. The NN Taurean has finally reached the plateau, the beautiful rich peaceful meadow she sensed was ahead. She can build her life now without panic and fear that the foundation will drop out from under her. She is entirely self supporting and has the leisure time to do what she wants at her own pace. She can contemplate the world immediately around her trusting in its generosity and relaxing in its safety. She is on rock solid ground entirely at home. Comfortable, satisfied, complete.
Soul
Exactly. I told Z I can't live like him constantly with money issue.
I have wrongly projected my goodness to him; he was a player and he consciously attract to intense critical financial situation by spending beyond his means.
North node in Taurus - self empowerment
Oct 16 afte
From FB - Advaita
Our illusions - the beliefs we hold on to - are the very doorways to our freedom. We simply have to enter through them without grasping or pushing away.
We must not believe them but we must not run away from them either.
We need to see each moment of apparent bondage as an invitation to freedom.
Then it becomes an act of love, an act of compassion, to stop running away.
Soul
Very interesting...
North node in Taurus
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, a critical lesson for these individuals is to learn to empower themselves. They need to shift their focus from defining their self worth via validation from others to discovering and living in accordance with their own true needs, comfort zones and value system.
Developing a strong relationship with the natural/physical world can facilitate the healing process: Tuning into and spending regular time close to nature is a beneficial form of nurturing for these individuals, providing a calming, re-energizing and balancing effect which will help to dispel their unconscious need for intense, high adrenaline crisis situations in their lives. Also cultivating pleasure via the five senses will assist in creating a sense of grounding and an awareness of their own inner strength, stability and support.
A critical lesson that needs to be learnt in this lifetime is to let go of past life behavioural patterns of exchange relationships. The stronger Taurus North Node individuals become in supporting themselves and defining their self worth via their own value system, the more likely they are to attract a spiritually fulfilling partnership with someone who is also self-empowered.
Many events in this incarnation will provide Taurus North Node individuals with the challenge of learning to effectively integrate the energy polarities of stability and self reliance (Taurus North Node) and transformation and synergistic partnership (Scorpio South Node) in order to attain a true sense of internal harmony which will facilitate alignment with their spiritual purpose and path.
Soul
Mmm, great that I am not connecting with nature...something I tot not within my radar.No wonder I feel refreshed after walk in the park.
MMm, I truly got unconscious need for intense high adrenaline..no wonder difficult to let go of local leadership and also the past non committal relationship. Actually, the real me dont want and cant take the pressure..
Reading this affirm my path. And I suddenly said Thank God for not having Z.
Father, I recently asked for answers so that I had no regrets on ending of relationship with Z as there was no regrets in starting. You gave me the answer. Thank God it is over.
Yea, now focused on spiritual path and wants a spiritual partner.
From FB - Advaita
Our illusions - the beliefs we hold on to - are the very doorways to our freedom. We simply have to enter through them without grasping or pushing away.
We must not believe them but we must not run away from them either.
We need to see each moment of apparent bondage as an invitation to freedom.
Then it becomes an act of love, an act of compassion, to stop running away.
Soul
Very interesting...
North node in Taurus
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, a critical lesson for these individuals is to learn to empower themselves. They need to shift their focus from defining their self worth via validation from others to discovering and living in accordance with their own true needs, comfort zones and value system.
Developing a strong relationship with the natural/physical world can facilitate the healing process: Tuning into and spending regular time close to nature is a beneficial form of nurturing for these individuals, providing a calming, re-energizing and balancing effect which will help to dispel their unconscious need for intense, high adrenaline crisis situations in their lives. Also cultivating pleasure via the five senses will assist in creating a sense of grounding and an awareness of their own inner strength, stability and support.
A critical lesson that needs to be learnt in this lifetime is to let go of past life behavioural patterns of exchange relationships. The stronger Taurus North Node individuals become in supporting themselves and defining their self worth via their own value system, the more likely they are to attract a spiritually fulfilling partnership with someone who is also self-empowered.
Many events in this incarnation will provide Taurus North Node individuals with the challenge of learning to effectively integrate the energy polarities of stability and self reliance (Taurus North Node) and transformation and synergistic partnership (Scorpio South Node) in order to attain a true sense of internal harmony which will facilitate alignment with their spiritual purpose and path.
Soul
Mmm, great that I am not connecting with nature...something I tot not within my radar.No wonder I feel refreshed after walk in the park.
MMm, I truly got unconscious need for intense high adrenaline..no wonder difficult to let go of local leadership and also the past non committal relationship. Actually, the real me dont want and cant take the pressure..
Reading this affirm my path. And I suddenly said Thank God for not having Z.
Father, I recently asked for answers so that I had no regrets on ending of relationship with Z as there was no regrets in starting. You gave me the answer. Thank God it is over.
Yea, now focused on spiritual path and wants a spiritual partner.
Accepting myself is loving myself
Oct 16
Woke up before alarm at 4.16 am. Body feels rested. Maybe due to half hour Samyama before sleep. This is the second time I tried and had a good sleep and wake up good. Thanks to tip from Pa.
Did guru pooja with focus, noticed another error. Continue to learn.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas, they were fine.
Shakti was good full focus on Kapala Bhakti and initial breathing. Now need to work on final breathing.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end, just contentment; feeling settled.
Only some tots and very little of past.
Father, I project my goodness on others and got hit. Others project their badness to me instead. Learn to see the truth.
The Divided Self
Jesus said the love of others is modelled on our own self regard.
U shall love neighbour as urself - the quality of my love for others will be the same quality as my love for myself.
Our valuing for others will be in direct correspondence with our valuing of ourselves.
Soul
Mine is reversed. My value of myself is in direct response up others value of me. This got to change.
The divided self
The sequence of cause and effect is clear: we don't love others because we don't love ourselves. We don't know how to love others because we don't know how to love ourselves and we can't love ourselves because we have been told not to.
Was browsing my Blog and saw someone reading this posting back in Sept 2009; 4 years ago.
Osho
God is happening. This is what life is all about. The moment u accept urself, u become open, u become vulnerable, u become receptive. The moment u accept urself, then there is no need for any future, because there is no need to improve on anything. Then, all is good as it is. In that experience, life starts taking a new colour, a new music arises.
Soul - same msg as Sadhguru. I felt the msg is tellin me that m on d right track. Don't stop. Its ok to receive. Don't be fearful. I am thinking of 3rd level meditation more becos of Sadhguru rather than me. Mmm, falling again but this time not as fearful that I lost me. Resentful that I have to let go of food and do volunteering. Resentful I have to give myself. Not willing to pay the price to receive and hence I judged the giving.
Osho
If u accept urself, that is the beginning of accepting all. If u accept urself, u hav accepted God. Then there is nothing else to do but to enjoy, to celebrate. Then joy is good and sadness is good, then to be with ur beloved is good and to be alone is good. Then whatsoever happens is good because it happens out of God.
When u stop improving upon urself, life improves u. In that relaxation, in that acceptance, life starts caressing you, life starts flowing through you. And when u don't have any grudge, no complaint, you bloom, you flower.
And the whole existence starts pouring its energy into u when u are open. Then the trees are greener than they look to u, then the sun is sunnier.
Don't lose this thread that has fallen into ur hands. Accept urself as u are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world because it goes against ur training, ur education, ur culture.
Woke up before alarm at 4.16 am. Body feels rested. Maybe due to half hour Samyama before sleep. This is the second time I tried and had a good sleep and wake up good. Thanks to tip from Pa.
Did guru pooja with focus, noticed another error. Continue to learn.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas, they were fine.
Shakti was good full focus on Kapala Bhakti and initial breathing. Now need to work on final breathing.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end, just contentment; feeling settled.
Only some tots and very little of past.
Father, I project my goodness on others and got hit. Others project their badness to me instead. Learn to see the truth.
The Divided Self
Jesus said the love of others is modelled on our own self regard.
U shall love neighbour as urself - the quality of my love for others will be the same quality as my love for myself.
Our valuing for others will be in direct correspondence with our valuing of ourselves.
Soul
Mine is reversed. My value of myself is in direct response up others value of me. This got to change.
The divided self
The sequence of cause and effect is clear: we don't love others because we don't love ourselves. We don't know how to love others because we don't know how to love ourselves and we can't love ourselves because we have been told not to.
Was browsing my Blog and saw someone reading this posting back in Sept 2009; 4 years ago.
Osho
God is happening. This is what life is all about. The moment u accept urself, u become open, u become vulnerable, u become receptive. The moment u accept urself, then there is no need for any future, because there is no need to improve on anything. Then, all is good as it is. In that experience, life starts taking a new colour, a new music arises.
Soul - same msg as Sadhguru. I felt the msg is tellin me that m on d right track. Don't stop. Its ok to receive. Don't be fearful. I am thinking of 3rd level meditation more becos of Sadhguru rather than me. Mmm, falling again but this time not as fearful that I lost me. Resentful that I have to let go of food and do volunteering. Resentful I have to give myself. Not willing to pay the price to receive and hence I judged the giving.
Osho
If u accept urself, that is the beginning of accepting all. If u accept urself, u hav accepted God. Then there is nothing else to do but to enjoy, to celebrate. Then joy is good and sadness is good, then to be with ur beloved is good and to be alone is good. Then whatsoever happens is good because it happens out of God.
When u stop improving upon urself, life improves u. In that relaxation, in that acceptance, life starts caressing you, life starts flowing through you. And when u don't have any grudge, no complaint, you bloom, you flower.
And the whole existence starts pouring its energy into u when u are open. Then the trees are greener than they look to u, then the sun is sunnier.
Don't lose this thread that has fallen into ur hands. Accept urself as u are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world because it goes against ur training, ur education, ur culture.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Validation issue arise again
Oct 15 eve
Had a good afternoon nap.
Start to feel bit regretful on me exit from all chats.
No msg from L, wonder what she thinks. Maybe she can pick up the lead role something she avoided for years.
Tot of my loss of validation. But I truly can't handle it.
I truly got issue in validation resulting in difficulty of letting go. Now can see my Two of Diamonds.
Father, now I know why the Mars Seven of Diamonds.
The Divided Self
Each belief badly needed exploring, slowly, professionally and thoroughly, until change occurred and was sustained.
Soul
Takes effort and time.
Just need to remember I matters to myself and not I matters to others.
The Divided Self
The successful self by Dorothy Rowe
A successful self is not engaged in a constant battle to avoid the threat of annihilation ...., (it) feels valuable, self-accepting and self-confident .... has developed flexible and creative ways of elaborating the sense of existence .... has made the less-real reality by developing the skill necessary to live in that reality ..... uses the preferred reality not so much as a refuge but as a resource for creativity ...., has created a life story without the gaps and inconsistencies which inhibit and cripple, and which goes forward in courage and hope.
Had a good afternoon nap.
Start to feel bit regretful on me exit from all chats.
No msg from L, wonder what she thinks. Maybe she can pick up the lead role something she avoided for years.
Tot of my loss of validation. But I truly can't handle it.
I truly got issue in validation resulting in difficulty of letting go. Now can see my Two of Diamonds.
Father, now I know why the Mars Seven of Diamonds.
The Divided Self
Each belief badly needed exploring, slowly, professionally and thoroughly, until change occurred and was sustained.
Soul
Takes effort and time.
Just need to remember I matters to myself and not I matters to others.
The Divided Self
The successful self by Dorothy Rowe
A successful self is not engaged in a constant battle to avoid the threat of annihilation ...., (it) feels valuable, self-accepting and self-confident .... has developed flexible and creative ways of elaborating the sense of existence .... has made the less-real reality by developing the skill necessary to live in that reality ..... uses the preferred reality not so much as a refuge but as a resource for creativity ...., has created a life story without the gaps and inconsistencies which inhibit and cripple, and which goes forward in courage and hope.
Difficult to react to my anger due to validation
Oct 15 aft
The Divided Self by Marlene Cohen
Our behaviour is always based on belief.
Soul
Why I can't retaliate on the attacking messages?
Last time with S I tot she was right. But the last few months when her attacks become too unbelievable and I was able to retaliate.
With La, I also don't believe her accusation but I hold back cos she is a loose cannon. Whatever my response will be taken out of context.
I know I can't handle her and don't want to prolong the episode.
Father, I truly had difficulty in letting go, such irony of Ace. And my issue of validation is the thing that makes it difficult.
I truly matters means I matters to myself. Whether I matters to others is not relevant. As to others I matters to them only if I m useful to them.
That's what I told S, a Two of Diamonds.
This letting go of local leadership keeps coming back due to my problem of letting go. So whenever limit is reached, I will cry and had to bolt.
Father, my validation issue stopping me from being loving to myself. I need validation from others cos I couldn't give to myself. I have wrongly attached my value to others validation of me.
Father, I also have difficulty in recognising my limits. So when limits exceeded I bolted unexpectedly.
The Divided Self by Marlene Cohen
There are many factors that contribute to stress, but above all we need unity in which the inner and outer person can function in an integrated way.
The Divided Self by Marlene Cohen
Our behaviour is always based on belief.
Soul
Why I can't retaliate on the attacking messages?
Last time with S I tot she was right. But the last few months when her attacks become too unbelievable and I was able to retaliate.
With La, I also don't believe her accusation but I hold back cos she is a loose cannon. Whatever my response will be taken out of context.
I know I can't handle her and don't want to prolong the episode.
Father, I truly had difficulty in letting go, such irony of Ace. And my issue of validation is the thing that makes it difficult.
I truly matters means I matters to myself. Whether I matters to others is not relevant. As to others I matters to them only if I m useful to them.
That's what I told S, a Two of Diamonds.
This letting go of local leadership keeps coming back due to my problem of letting go. So whenever limit is reached, I will cry and had to bolt.
Father, my validation issue stopping me from being loving to myself. I need validation from others cos I couldn't give to myself. I have wrongly attached my value to others validation of me.
Father, I also have difficulty in recognising my limits. So when limits exceeded I bolted unexpectedly.
The Divided Self by Marlene Cohen
There are many factors that contribute to stress, but above all we need unity in which the inner and outer person can function in an integrated way.
Feeling my anger cos I truly matter
Oct 15
Woke up 7.20 am. Had a dream of fried chicken and I are chicken wings. The strict diet getting to me.
Saw a msg by La accusing me of removing her from whatsapp group chat.
At first tot of replying her nope and infact I was the one who requested her in. But decided not to.
As I sat down I got angry. She has not even regretted her attack on me yesterday and dare to msg me again. Infact with her being a loose cannon; not surprised if she could have said wrong things and was removed.
Start to sing guru pooja using the lyrics but after the first verse, I keep on crying non stop. I cried that I matters. No more being a guide, no more forcing myself to do things that makes me cry.
Five cycle of Surya kriya was good. Breathing was nice. Shakti was great with full focus on Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi good too. Love the preparatory steps. Towards the end was contentment. But whenever I tot of going back to Isha leadership I cried.
I ended by singing love songs. I know then that I just need to treat myself lovingly and all these mirrors will disappear. I don't judge them, and not really angry at them. That's the part that worry me. Is something wrong with me? I asked for answer, a tot of reading the Divided Self came.
Got this from FB
Sadhguru
Once the transformation has taken place, it was impossible for the butterfly to return to being a worm. In the cocoon, the caterpillar had become one with its inner being and in this union with the body and the divine it has reached its ultimate nature.
What happened in the cocoon can be described as yoga.
Ireland Mindfulness.
When u find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find a way out of the darkness, remember this is a place similar to the place where caterpillar go to grow their wings - Unknown
Soul
Coincidence that both are also about in a cocoon like a caterpillar; period of transformation.
A tot came. All these parental mode projecting their heavy mirror on me. Not sure why not angry but just sad.
Anyway from now onward just be kind and loving to myself and these people will evaporate from my life.
Got this from FB
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. U really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world - Lucille ball.
Soul
Apt message for me.
Woke up 7.20 am. Had a dream of fried chicken and I are chicken wings. The strict diet getting to me.
Saw a msg by La accusing me of removing her from whatsapp group chat.
At first tot of replying her nope and infact I was the one who requested her in. But decided not to.
As I sat down I got angry. She has not even regretted her attack on me yesterday and dare to msg me again. Infact with her being a loose cannon; not surprised if she could have said wrong things and was removed.
Start to sing guru pooja using the lyrics but after the first verse, I keep on crying non stop. I cried that I matters. No more being a guide, no more forcing myself to do things that makes me cry.
Five cycle of Surya kriya was good. Breathing was nice. Shakti was great with full focus on Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi good too. Love the preparatory steps. Towards the end was contentment. But whenever I tot of going back to Isha leadership I cried.
I ended by singing love songs. I know then that I just need to treat myself lovingly and all these mirrors will disappear. I don't judge them, and not really angry at them. That's the part that worry me. Is something wrong with me? I asked for answer, a tot of reading the Divided Self came.
Got this from FB
Sadhguru
Once the transformation has taken place, it was impossible for the butterfly to return to being a worm. In the cocoon, the caterpillar had become one with its inner being and in this union with the body and the divine it has reached its ultimate nature.
What happened in the cocoon can be described as yoga.
Ireland Mindfulness.
When u find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find a way out of the darkness, remember this is a place similar to the place where caterpillar go to grow their wings - Unknown
Soul
Coincidence that both are also about in a cocoon like a caterpillar; period of transformation.
A tot came. All these parental mode projecting their heavy mirror on me. Not sure why not angry but just sad.
Anyway from now onward just be kind and loving to myself and these people will evaporate from my life.
Got this from FB
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. U really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world - Lucille ball.
Soul
Apt message for me.
I matter to myself
Oct 14 eve
Just finished my evening Shoonya and Samyama. Such contentment.
I recalled me pulling out last year but came back early this year to help out as both C and K can't do and P was too tired. I tot I leave after May IE. Then followed up with the dance event in Sept and later GP in Oct. Now all commitment fulfilled and its time to leave while everything is good.
The Science of Mind
The Spirit can give us only what we can take; It imparts of Itself only as we partake of Its nature. It can only tell us what we can understand. The Infinite knowingness becomes our wisdom only in such degree as we embody Its Intelligence. It has been said that we can know God only in so far as we can become God.
Love points the way and Law makes it possible.
Soul
Just had a nice family supper. Just chatting and laughing with family.
The Science of Mind
The one who wishes to demonstrate some particular good must become conscious of this particular good, if he wishes to experience it. Therefore he must make his mind receptive to it and he must do this consciously.
Soul
I truly matters. I used to believe that I don't matters to others because I was not lovable. Now I begin to wonder. Instead of lamenting I don't matter to others; why don't I first make myself matter to myself.
This letting go of local leadership in Isha involved letting go of being a guide. It is inter related. Others may think I m selfish; I m over reacting; I m weird, I m not willing or etc. main thing is I m doing to mask myself matter. Instead of lamenting others doesn't acknowledged me; why don't I acknowledged myself first.
Just finished my evening Shoonya and Samyama. Such contentment.
I recalled me pulling out last year but came back early this year to help out as both C and K can't do and P was too tired. I tot I leave after May IE. Then followed up with the dance event in Sept and later GP in Oct. Now all commitment fulfilled and its time to leave while everything is good.
The Science of Mind
The Spirit can give us only what we can take; It imparts of Itself only as we partake of Its nature. It can only tell us what we can understand. The Infinite knowingness becomes our wisdom only in such degree as we embody Its Intelligence. It has been said that we can know God only in so far as we can become God.
Love points the way and Law makes it possible.
Soul
Just had a nice family supper. Just chatting and laughing with family.
The Science of Mind
The one who wishes to demonstrate some particular good must become conscious of this particular good, if he wishes to experience it. Therefore he must make his mind receptive to it and he must do this consciously.
Soul
I truly matters. I used to believe that I don't matters to others because I was not lovable. Now I begin to wonder. Instead of lamenting I don't matter to others; why don't I first make myself matter to myself.
This letting go of local leadership in Isha involved letting go of being a guide. It is inter related. Others may think I m selfish; I m over reacting; I m weird, I m not willing or etc. main thing is I m doing to mask myself matter. Instead of lamenting others doesn't acknowledged me; why don't I acknowledged myself first.
Be real - acknowledge myself cos I matters
Oct 14 aft
Tot of La Yea, should have answered her calls as she called me 4 times. But yesterday I was truly in bad condition I can't speak to anyone, least of all her.
Wanted to send a note to apologise. But tot better of it. Just observe and let it be.
For a moment mind said its the same as Z avoided me. I was able to counter with an immediate nope. I don't hound; I just wait silently, unknowingly.
La more like S; attacking non stop till they are tired.
Showed Pe the messages from La and she agreed that it was truly attacking.
Pe said that I keep encountering people who demands my attention and I don't want to give.
Soul
Yes especially from parental mode people.
Father, that's my cries. My inner Soul is crying out for attention; crying out that it matters. And just as I can't give them I can't give myself too.
For now, focus on giving myself.
My North node in Taurus said I m supposed to avoid 'danger'; to go easy way instead of hard way, unlike others nodes.
Just like I force myself to be the guide for the past few years, to be the lead. Alas, door is open and now there is no guilt for leaving.
Got this from FB
Never apologise for what u feel.
It's like saying sorry for being real.
Soul
One thing I admired about parental mode is that they give in to their feelings. They think others are here to receive their feedbacks.
That's something I got to learn.
Sent email to Sr asking him to be main Sathsang guide while I be the back up for him.
Also sent mail to teacher on me pulling out and become the backup. There is one year to find replacement for Sr.
As I drove back I cry and wailed. Its time to make myself matter. I said sorry to S and La. I know they are asserting that they matters but I can't make them feel that cos I myself have not make me matter. They are just my mirror, exaggerated no doubt but still mirror nevertheless. They are seeking attention to the extent of attacking others. Making others wrong in values
Me attacking myself, making myself wrong in values, hence RA.
Tot of La Yea, should have answered her calls as she called me 4 times. But yesterday I was truly in bad condition I can't speak to anyone, least of all her.
Wanted to send a note to apologise. But tot better of it. Just observe and let it be.
For a moment mind said its the same as Z avoided me. I was able to counter with an immediate nope. I don't hound; I just wait silently, unknowingly.
La more like S; attacking non stop till they are tired.
Showed Pe the messages from La and she agreed that it was truly attacking.
Pe said that I keep encountering people who demands my attention and I don't want to give.
Soul
Yes especially from parental mode people.
Father, that's my cries. My inner Soul is crying out for attention; crying out that it matters. And just as I can't give them I can't give myself too.
For now, focus on giving myself.
My North node in Taurus said I m supposed to avoid 'danger'; to go easy way instead of hard way, unlike others nodes.
Just like I force myself to be the guide for the past few years, to be the lead. Alas, door is open and now there is no guilt for leaving.
Got this from FB
Never apologise for what u feel.
It's like saying sorry for being real.
Soul
One thing I admired about parental mode is that they give in to their feelings. They think others are here to receive their feedbacks.
That's something I got to learn.
Sent email to Sr asking him to be main Sathsang guide while I be the back up for him.
Also sent mail to teacher on me pulling out and become the backup. There is one year to find replacement for Sr.
As I drove back I cry and wailed. Its time to make myself matter. I said sorry to S and La. I know they are asserting that they matters but I can't make them feel that cos I myself have not make me matter. They are just my mirror, exaggerated no doubt but still mirror nevertheless. They are seeking attention to the extent of attacking others. Making others wrong in values
Me attacking myself, making myself wrong in values, hence RA.
Facing verbal abuse from another - projection
Oct 14 morn
Father, La really on a roll. Granted I truly don't want to talk to her to find out why she left halfway. But she is too much. Since she knew I won't pick her calls she write me long messages. She was really attacking. I was able to ignore all cos I know what I did or did not do. But the one that caught me was her saying that my website is rubbish.
Firstly I didn't told her about my website and secondly I didn't ask her to read. Fear came that she will tell others about my website.
Never mind.
Just forwarded the msg to L and she said just observe. Something big is dissolving. True.
Father, it suddenly occur to me La is similar to zany few ex-bosses and even S. The heavy parental mode. The old me would have reacted. I m surprised. Now I truly matters. No longer lets these energy draining people in my life. I attract good and loving kindness into my life.
Today my card, King of Diamonds.
He is successful and has a strong sense of values which have made him the success he is. So when this card appears u could take on these qualities yourself.
Soul
Amen.
From FB
Osho
Buddha said "don't worry about it. I must have done something wrong to u in the past. Now the account is closed. And I m not going to react. Otherwise again and again, unfinished business. Now my account with you is closed."
In a life when a videha, one who has understood he is not a body comes into the world just to finish accounts. His whole life consist of finishing accounts, million of lives, many relationships, commitments - everything has to be closed.
Soul
I used to lament why I met so many challenges in life. I knew now on lack of parameters on relationships.
1. Issue
Guidance
The truth of ur deepest being is trying to show u where to go right now, and when this card appears it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given. The indications are clear: in following the inner guide u will feel more whole, more integrated, as if u are moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry you exactly where u need to go.
Soul
Yea. My inner guide is asking me to drop the local leadership in Isha.
Father, never expect this. Tot I was ok but I was not. Maybe with this I am able to let go of the past too; the whole package.
2. Internal influence
Moment to moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet. The only right person is one who lives moment to moment.
Stay alert to what is happening in the here and now. Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Amen.
External influence
Projection
Ur mind is at the back of the whole thing, and the mind is the projector. Because u look at the other person, because the other is the screen. Each is projecting an image they have constructed in their minds, covering the real face of the persons we are looking at. All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto situations and people around us.
Soul
I recalled what went thru my tots when I fell in love with Z. Looking back I was actually the person I want to love. Amen.
Now L attacking me, her view of me is of herself. Mmm I noticed parental mode have bad image of me. They project themselves on me.
Just as I project a needy person requiring love on Z, he too project a 'player' on me. We both not looking at each other truly. Since I couldn't leave him, I projected that he couldn't leave me too; which is totally untrue as he did an immediate replacement and even got himself engaged. If I had married another person, I be sensitive enough not to show up in my ex face but he did just that and expect me to let go as if past didn't happen. Since he did immediate replacement; he tot I can do that too.
Father, I also projected on my inner partner. Since I m outwardly strong I tot inner is too. But it's not, its need protecting; it needs to be needed. It needs to be mattered.
4. What is needed?
Flowering
Soul
Mmm, not sure where this is coming from.
5. Resolution
Aloneness
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Father, La really on a roll. Granted I truly don't want to talk to her to find out why she left halfway. But she is too much. Since she knew I won't pick her calls she write me long messages. She was really attacking. I was able to ignore all cos I know what I did or did not do. But the one that caught me was her saying that my website is rubbish.
Firstly I didn't told her about my website and secondly I didn't ask her to read. Fear came that she will tell others about my website.
Never mind.
Just forwarded the msg to L and she said just observe. Something big is dissolving. True.
Father, it suddenly occur to me La is similar to zany few ex-bosses and even S. The heavy parental mode. The old me would have reacted. I m surprised. Now I truly matters. No longer lets these energy draining people in my life. I attract good and loving kindness into my life.
Today my card, King of Diamonds.
He is successful and has a strong sense of values which have made him the success he is. So when this card appears u could take on these qualities yourself.
Soul
Amen.
From FB
Osho
Buddha said "don't worry about it. I must have done something wrong to u in the past. Now the account is closed. And I m not going to react. Otherwise again and again, unfinished business. Now my account with you is closed."
In a life when a videha, one who has understood he is not a body comes into the world just to finish accounts. His whole life consist of finishing accounts, million of lives, many relationships, commitments - everything has to be closed.
Soul
I used to lament why I met so many challenges in life. I knew now on lack of parameters on relationships.
1. Issue
Guidance
The truth of ur deepest being is trying to show u where to go right now, and when this card appears it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given. The indications are clear: in following the inner guide u will feel more whole, more integrated, as if u are moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry you exactly where u need to go.
Soul
Yea. My inner guide is asking me to drop the local leadership in Isha.
Father, never expect this. Tot I was ok but I was not. Maybe with this I am able to let go of the past too; the whole package.
2. Internal influence
Moment to moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet. The only right person is one who lives moment to moment.
Stay alert to what is happening in the here and now. Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Amen.
External influence
Projection
Ur mind is at the back of the whole thing, and the mind is the projector. Because u look at the other person, because the other is the screen. Each is projecting an image they have constructed in their minds, covering the real face of the persons we are looking at. All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto situations and people around us.
Soul
I recalled what went thru my tots when I fell in love with Z. Looking back I was actually the person I want to love. Amen.
Now L attacking me, her view of me is of herself. Mmm I noticed parental mode have bad image of me. They project themselves on me.
Just as I project a needy person requiring love on Z, he too project a 'player' on me. We both not looking at each other truly. Since I couldn't leave him, I projected that he couldn't leave me too; which is totally untrue as he did an immediate replacement and even got himself engaged. If I had married another person, I be sensitive enough not to show up in my ex face but he did just that and expect me to let go as if past didn't happen. Since he did immediate replacement; he tot I can do that too.
Father, I also projected on my inner partner. Since I m outwardly strong I tot inner is too. But it's not, its need protecting; it needs to be needed. It needs to be mattered.
4. What is needed?
Flowering
Soul
Mmm, not sure where this is coming from.
5. Resolution
Aloneness
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
I truly matters
Oct 14
I am finally free. The door is not locked.
Body woke up before 5 am. Laze bit till alarm rang at 5.20 am. Practice guru pooja followed by one cycle of Surya kriya. Started on breathing and suddenly cry. I cried that I Matters. I truly matters.
Stop my tears and then proceed to Shakti.
Shakti was good. I was able to focus well on Kapala Bhakti, only a slight loss of awareness during the last cycle; thinking about last tenure as Sathsang guide.
Shambavi was great. Towards the end I was crying again; I Matters. I truly matters.
I feel freed. I don't have to lead Sathsang. I don't have to be friend with Z and wife. I don't have to do anything that makes me sad; that ignores my feelings, that ignores me.
I understand now why the feeling of unlovability arise. I myself was not loving myself; not acknowledging my needs, not making myself matters. No one can make me matters except for myself.
Finally grasped the last week Osho tarot card
Resolution
The understanding
U are out of jail, out of cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is yours. All the star and moon and sun belongs to u. U can disappear into the blueness of the beyond..... Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value - everything else is secondary, even blissfulness, ecstasy.
There are thousands of flowers, uncountable but they all become possible in the climate of freedom.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
When all actions are body out of one's inner non-action, and the tots are arising out of one's thoughtlessness, and the words are born out of one's silence, such a person is called jivanamukta - one who is liberated while living.
I am finally free. The door is not locked.
Body woke up before 5 am. Laze bit till alarm rang at 5.20 am. Practice guru pooja followed by one cycle of Surya kriya. Started on breathing and suddenly cry. I cried that I Matters. I truly matters.
Stop my tears and then proceed to Shakti.
Shakti was good. I was able to focus well on Kapala Bhakti, only a slight loss of awareness during the last cycle; thinking about last tenure as Sathsang guide.
Shambavi was great. Towards the end I was crying again; I Matters. I truly matters.
I feel freed. I don't have to lead Sathsang. I don't have to be friend with Z and wife. I don't have to do anything that makes me sad; that ignores my feelings, that ignores me.
I understand now why the feeling of unlovability arise. I myself was not loving myself; not acknowledging my needs, not making myself matters. No one can make me matters except for myself.
Finally grasped the last week Osho tarot card
Resolution
The understanding
U are out of jail, out of cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is yours. All the star and moon and sun belongs to u. U can disappear into the blueness of the beyond..... Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value - everything else is secondary, even blissfulness, ecstasy.
There are thousands of flowers, uncountable but they all become possible in the climate of freedom.
Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
When all actions are body out of one's inner non-action, and the tots are arising out of one's thoughtlessness, and the words are born out of one's silence, such a person is called jivanamukta - one who is liberated while living.
Supppressed anger, hate and jealousy feelings
Oct 13 eve
Father, I tot to make my last Sathsang good. Was going to enjoy myself, full parade. Alas, there miscommunication on the hall can only be handover at 5.05 pm and that gives us less than half hour to set up. Of course I was stressed. And then because I had Mac, the technical team cannot handle and so I got to figure out things myself. Couldn't get the Itune to work, fiddle on my own and finally it worked. By then the hall was hall full.
I couldn't prepare myself for Sathsang fully. I start to do aum chanting and suddenly I cried, I cried that I don't want to be Sathsang guide anymore. No more. Please stop.
I stop my tears and try to ground myself but tears comes again. Then I got up and went to toilet. When I sat down tears comes again, now wrecking from the guts; crying I don't want to be Sathsang guide; I don't want; no more. My eyes was red and I m sure others can see. Ad asked me and I said this be my last stint as guide; no more. L asked me why I cried and I said I no longer want to be guide.
Did the opening but voice bit hoarse cos cry too much. I did Brahmananda, laughing loads. I also did partial purification. When Sadhguru said picture ur anger; I was angry at Z for leaving me. When Sadhguru said picture ur hate; I said I hate Z for coming back to my life with his new wife. I hate my brother too for the past. When Sadhguru said about jealousy; I said I m jealous of Z's wife and also all the women who had good partners. When Sadhguru said about fears; I said I was afraid I m not lovable, afraid I will be without partner; I will grow old by myself. Then all these issues are exhaled and expressed.
Father, I didn't do this purification meditation for the past 3 years, since I become a guide. Such a great release. I didn't knew I had suppressed all these feelings.
Father, I admit I tot I took a six month sabbatical but today breakdown tells me that I had to rest for good.
When I got back home I saw that they were making fun of my whatsapp message about discipline on timing. I was miffed and also now knowing about my feelings of anger and hate for Z; I deleted myself from all the group chats.
I have decided that I will no longer be the main guide. I need not hold the fort; I need not keep up a good front. I need not pretend. I need not lead when I truly don't want to.
Feels great exiting from all whatsapp groups. Feels good to acknowledge my feelings. And the best thing is that I need no longer pretend that I m ok. Cos I m not ok. I need not always have to be the strong one. I need always pretend that I don't matter. I matters. My feelings matters. As I was typing this I was crying again.
Father, the situation today just exacerbate my prolong decision on quitting as guide. Thank You for making me realised that it is finally time. Everything happens for a reason.
Alas knowing I got anger and hate for Z and jealousy for his wife brings things out in the open. Yea, can now be truly healed from the past. Great purification meditation.
Father, I tot to make my last Sathsang good. Was going to enjoy myself, full parade. Alas, there miscommunication on the hall can only be handover at 5.05 pm and that gives us less than half hour to set up. Of course I was stressed. And then because I had Mac, the technical team cannot handle and so I got to figure out things myself. Couldn't get the Itune to work, fiddle on my own and finally it worked. By then the hall was hall full.
I couldn't prepare myself for Sathsang fully. I start to do aum chanting and suddenly I cried, I cried that I don't want to be Sathsang guide anymore. No more. Please stop.
I stop my tears and try to ground myself but tears comes again. Then I got up and went to toilet. When I sat down tears comes again, now wrecking from the guts; crying I don't want to be Sathsang guide; I don't want; no more. My eyes was red and I m sure others can see. Ad asked me and I said this be my last stint as guide; no more. L asked me why I cried and I said I no longer want to be guide.
Did the opening but voice bit hoarse cos cry too much. I did Brahmananda, laughing loads. I also did partial purification. When Sadhguru said picture ur anger; I was angry at Z for leaving me. When Sadhguru said picture ur hate; I said I hate Z for coming back to my life with his new wife. I hate my brother too for the past. When Sadhguru said about jealousy; I said I m jealous of Z's wife and also all the women who had good partners. When Sadhguru said about fears; I said I was afraid I m not lovable, afraid I will be without partner; I will grow old by myself. Then all these issues are exhaled and expressed.
Father, I didn't do this purification meditation for the past 3 years, since I become a guide. Such a great release. I didn't knew I had suppressed all these feelings.
Father, I admit I tot I took a six month sabbatical but today breakdown tells me that I had to rest for good.
When I got back home I saw that they were making fun of my whatsapp message about discipline on timing. I was miffed and also now knowing about my feelings of anger and hate for Z; I deleted myself from all the group chats.
I have decided that I will no longer be the main guide. I need not hold the fort; I need not keep up a good front. I need not pretend. I need not lead when I truly don't want to.
Feels great exiting from all whatsapp groups. Feels good to acknowledge my feelings. And the best thing is that I need no longer pretend that I m ok. Cos I m not ok. I need not always have to be the strong one. I need always pretend that I don't matter. I matters. My feelings matters. As I was typing this I was crying again.
Father, the situation today just exacerbate my prolong decision on quitting as guide. Thank You for making me realised that it is finally time. Everything happens for a reason.
Alas knowing I got anger and hate for Z and jealousy for his wife brings things out in the open. Yea, can now be truly healed from the past. Great purification meditation.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Upanishad - bliss is natural outcome of you being a void within
Oct 11 eve 1
Adhyatma Upanishad
Bliss can be attained, but do not make it a goal. Ultimate peace is possible but do not make it a goal. That is not the goal. Make knowledge and understanding ur goal, make meditation ur goal, make inner stability ur goal, make stopping still ur goal and going within urself a goal - and bliss will follow as an outcome, it will naturally fills.
Soul
For me the goal is inner stability achieved through knowledge and understanding and meditation.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Self realisation cannot be grabbed: it is attained through dissolving.
When there is no goals the future dies, time becomes meaningless. When there are no goals, all plans are shattered to pieces and the movement of the mind stops. For the movement of mind, plans are necessary, goals are necessary; for the movement of the mind, something to achieve is necessary, a future, some time is necessary.
When there is no future, the inside turns into a void.
In such a void, Buddha saw the last morning star setting, and in that moment he become enlightened. Along with the disappearing star, disappeared the whole past of Buddha. Along with that disappearing star the whole journey, the whole search disappeared.
Soul
Mmm.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Bliss is the natural outcome of ur being a void within. When u run after bliss, and by so doing, are unable to become a void, the chase after bliss is the barrier; you are unable to become a void, hence its natural outcome does not takes place.
Soul
Mmm, I was focus on releasing. I have truly done all that I could. Perhaps just let it be. The memory will comes and goes; it no longer hurt me. Yea, I wish for total wipeout but perhaps that an unreasonable wish. Just remember I m well and remnants will be there.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Desires cannot arise without a tot: thought is disturbance of the mind. Remember, a tot arises only because one wants to do something.
That desire to do something, that very plan, is thought.
Even if you wish to be free of tots, u won't be, because there will be tots engaged in planning it. As long as there is anything left to be achieved, tots will continue. The day u r willing to accept the fact that "I don't want to achieve anything, not even desirelessness', suddenly u find that the tots have started to disappear. They are not needed anymore.
Soul
I recalled I used to have many tots of office but now it has become minimal.
Then I was on tots of Z
Only when I m at ease, love songs comes. That's means I m searching for love.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Bliss can be attained, but do not make it a goal. Ultimate peace is possible but do not make it a goal. That is not the goal. Make knowledge and understanding ur goal, make meditation ur goal, make inner stability ur goal, make stopping still ur goal and going within urself a goal - and bliss will follow as an outcome, it will naturally fills.
Soul
For me the goal is inner stability achieved through knowledge and understanding and meditation.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Self realisation cannot be grabbed: it is attained through dissolving.
When there is no goals the future dies, time becomes meaningless. When there are no goals, all plans are shattered to pieces and the movement of the mind stops. For the movement of mind, plans are necessary, goals are necessary; for the movement of the mind, something to achieve is necessary, a future, some time is necessary.
When there is no future, the inside turns into a void.
In such a void, Buddha saw the last morning star setting, and in that moment he become enlightened. Along with the disappearing star, disappeared the whole past of Buddha. Along with that disappearing star the whole journey, the whole search disappeared.
Soul
Mmm.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Bliss is the natural outcome of ur being a void within. When u run after bliss, and by so doing, are unable to become a void, the chase after bliss is the barrier; you are unable to become a void, hence its natural outcome does not takes place.
Soul
Mmm, I was focus on releasing. I have truly done all that I could. Perhaps just let it be. The memory will comes and goes; it no longer hurt me. Yea, I wish for total wipeout but perhaps that an unreasonable wish. Just remember I m well and remnants will be there.
Adhyatma Upanishad
Desires cannot arise without a tot: thought is disturbance of the mind. Remember, a tot arises only because one wants to do something.
That desire to do something, that very plan, is thought.
Even if you wish to be free of tots, u won't be, because there will be tots engaged in planning it. As long as there is anything left to be achieved, tots will continue. The day u r willing to accept the fact that "I don't want to achieve anything, not even desirelessness', suddenly u find that the tots have started to disappear. They are not needed anymore.
Soul
I recalled I used to have many tots of office but now it has become minimal.
Then I was on tots of Z
Only when I m at ease, love songs comes. That's means I m searching for love.
Healing is about letting go non-me and just be me
Oct 13
Body woke up at 4 am. Couldn't sleep back as I was fully awake. Surprisingly I was not tired despite only 4 hours sleep. After a long while I finally slept for awhile and wake up around 6.30 am before alarm. I wonder whether this is due to me doing Samyama before sleep.
Walk in the park. Was chanting Karpura Gauram when I step into the park. The trees still lovely. But I was more focus on my tots. Catching myself when I got back to the past. There is no more time to be wasted on the past. I have uncovered all that I need to and now is to dissolve Two of Diamonds.
From FB
Rumi
Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that u have built against it.
Soul
I m on the right track.
From FB - Rachel Naomi Ramen
Healing may not so much as getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all the expectations, all the beliefs - and becoming who you are.
Soul
Yes.
Today card
Ace of Clubs
Strong desire for knowledge of some kind or the birth of a new idea, plan or way of communicating with the world around you. So, a new beginning of some sort.
Soul
Stop clinging to the past and dissolving Two of Diamonds.
Just compiled Volume 5; I have truly come a long way. I will stop at Two of Diamonds.
Volume 6 is me going deeper info myself, connecting with my inner partner.
I will work on dissolving Two of Diamonds, dissolving my clinging to the past.
Wish I could do a good story on the lovely trees.
Body woke up at 4 am. Couldn't sleep back as I was fully awake. Surprisingly I was not tired despite only 4 hours sleep. After a long while I finally slept for awhile and wake up around 6.30 am before alarm. I wonder whether this is due to me doing Samyama before sleep.
Walk in the park. Was chanting Karpura Gauram when I step into the park. The trees still lovely. But I was more focus on my tots. Catching myself when I got back to the past. There is no more time to be wasted on the past. I have uncovered all that I need to and now is to dissolve Two of Diamonds.
From FB
Rumi
Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that u have built against it.
Soul
I m on the right track.
From FB - Rachel Naomi Ramen
Healing may not so much as getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all the expectations, all the beliefs - and becoming who you are.
Soul
Yes.
Today card
Ace of Clubs
Strong desire for knowledge of some kind or the birth of a new idea, plan or way of communicating with the world around you. So, a new beginning of some sort.
Soul
Stop clinging to the past and dissolving Two of Diamonds.
Just compiled Volume 5; I have truly come a long way. I will stop at Two of Diamonds.
Volume 6 is me going deeper info myself, connecting with my inner partner.
I will work on dissolving Two of Diamonds, dissolving my clinging to the past.
Wish I could do a good story on the lovely trees.
How much we can accepts, thats how much we can have - Ernest Holmes
Oct 12 eve
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
Our beliefs sets the limits to our demonstration of a Principle, which, of Itself, is without limit. It is ready to fill everything, because It is infinite. So, it is not a question of Its willingness, no its ability. It is entirely a question of our own receptivity.
Soul
This was similar to the aha moment when I come to the realisation that no one betrayed me, they just playing their own script - the outcome of my lovability should be an effect of their scripts.
Then I knew I attracted such people into my life because I didn't set the correct parameters hence I got their wrong scripts. I further wrongly misinterpreted and judged and condemned myself as unlovable causing me to further reduce parameters until it become non existent.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
We are thinking, willing, knowing, conscious centers of Life. We are surrounded by, immersed in, and there is flowing through us, a creative Something .... call It what u will.
The sum total of our tots, will, purpose, and belief, creates a tendency in the Law that causes It to react to us, according to the sum total of that belief. Ignorance of the laws excuses no one from its effects. If then, certain specific ways of tots and beliefs have produced limitations, other beliefs will change them. We must learn to believe. The approach should be direct, and it should be specific.
Things are brought into being, not by will, but by the power of self-assertive Truth.
How much can one demonstrate? Just what one can believe.
How much can we see, how much can we accept, how much can we find in our consciousness that is no longer repudiated by our own denials?
Whatever that is, THAT MUCH WE CAN HAVE.
Soul
Amen. I found the foundations of my karmas and now I got the keys to unlock it.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
If we can conceive only a little good, that is as much as we can experience. We must instill into the mind the fundamental proposition that good is without bounds.
Only good and loving kindness follows me all days of my life. We experience good and evil because we perceive a presence of duality rather than unity.
Then, knowing that The Thing can work for us only though us, let us begin to accept today more good than we experienced yesterday, and to know that we shall reap a harvest of fulfilled desires. The time must come when we shall have left the apparent evil behind; when it shall be rolled up like a scroll and numbered with things that were once ought to be.
Soul
Perfect. Seven of Diamonds in Mars. I will tilt it to my favour now.
I have already known God gives All. God is not fair and square; God is Abundance. God is Limitless. Only I limit myself.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
Let us realise and work with this sound knowledge and perfect faith: That as high as we shall make our mark in Mind and Spirit, so high shall Its outward manifestation in our material world.
Soul
Amen.
Father, for the first time I finally m ready. This is the foundation of law of attraction; something I couldn't do before. But this is going to the root.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
Our beliefs sets the limits to our demonstration of a Principle, which, of Itself, is without limit. It is ready to fill everything, because It is infinite. So, it is not a question of Its willingness, no its ability. It is entirely a question of our own receptivity.
Soul
This was similar to the aha moment when I come to the realisation that no one betrayed me, they just playing their own script - the outcome of my lovability should be an effect of their scripts.
Then I knew I attracted such people into my life because I didn't set the correct parameters hence I got their wrong scripts. I further wrongly misinterpreted and judged and condemned myself as unlovable causing me to further reduce parameters until it become non existent.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
We are thinking, willing, knowing, conscious centers of Life. We are surrounded by, immersed in, and there is flowing through us, a creative Something .... call It what u will.
The sum total of our tots, will, purpose, and belief, creates a tendency in the Law that causes It to react to us, according to the sum total of that belief. Ignorance of the laws excuses no one from its effects. If then, certain specific ways of tots and beliefs have produced limitations, other beliefs will change them. We must learn to believe. The approach should be direct, and it should be specific.
Things are brought into being, not by will, but by the power of self-assertive Truth.
How much can one demonstrate? Just what one can believe.
How much can we see, how much can we accept, how much can we find in our consciousness that is no longer repudiated by our own denials?
Whatever that is, THAT MUCH WE CAN HAVE.
Soul
Amen. I found the foundations of my karmas and now I got the keys to unlock it.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
If we can conceive only a little good, that is as much as we can experience. We must instill into the mind the fundamental proposition that good is without bounds.
Only good and loving kindness follows me all days of my life. We experience good and evil because we perceive a presence of duality rather than unity.
Then, knowing that The Thing can work for us only though us, let us begin to accept today more good than we experienced yesterday, and to know that we shall reap a harvest of fulfilled desires. The time must come when we shall have left the apparent evil behind; when it shall be rolled up like a scroll and numbered with things that were once ought to be.
Soul
Perfect. Seven of Diamonds in Mars. I will tilt it to my favour now.
I have already known God gives All. God is not fair and square; God is Abundance. God is Limitless. Only I limit myself.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
Let us realise and work with this sound knowledge and perfect faith: That as high as we shall make our mark in Mind and Spirit, so high shall Its outward manifestation in our material world.
Soul
Amen.
Father, for the first time I finally m ready. This is the foundation of law of attraction; something I couldn't do before. But this is going to the root.
Possibility of Freedom by Ernest Holmes
Oct 12
Woke up 7 am to do practices.
Practice my guru pooja, correcting my previous mistakes.
Did one cycle Surya kriya, feet alignment was great.
Breathing was nice.
Shakti was great. I was in total focus. Able to waive off any tots.
Shambavi was good too. In the end just contentment.
Very little tots. And when past tot comes in I told myself stop clinging.
Went for a swim. In the first and half cycle, I can feel the fear. I asked for help.
The third cycle, I told myself just enjoy, no pressure. Need not stop at the end. I swam all the way and in the end I was laugh once more. I m back.
This continue for another 3 cycle. Amen.
The trees are so lovely. So alive. So green.
When I was driving back tot of past comes; this time I said Stop clinging.
Past tots come on average once an hour.
Got this from FB
Letting go gives us freedom
Freedom is the only condition for happiness.
If in our heart, we still cling on to anything - anger, anxiety or possessions; we cannot be free.
Soul
I have done all that I could. I have unravel all that is needed. I have dissolved Seven of Hearts, Seven of Clubs and know about my Two of Diamonds.
Now just need to dissolve Two of Diamonds - letting go.
Been thinking of reading Ernest Holmes - The Science of Minds a few weeks ago. Read this back in Aug 2007, a year before me initiation to Isha.
Now I think best time. I want to be freed of my past. I have given it enough time and space. Nothing else to learn except for the letting go phase - which is going with the flow. Everything is gone except my tots of them. So when I allows tots of the past, I m clinging on to it. Father, guide me through this.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
Man by thinking, can bring into his experience whatsoever he desires - if he thinks correctly, and becomes a living embodiment of his tots. This is not done by holding tots but by knowing the Truth.
The conscious mind is superior to the subjective and may consciously use it. Great as subsconcious is, its tendency is set in motion by the conscious tot, and in this possibility lies the path to freedom.
The karmic law is not kismet. It is not fate but cause and effect. It is taskmaster to the unwise; a servant to the wise. The road to freedom lies, not through mysteries or occult performances, but through the intelligent use of Nature's forces and laws. The law of mind is a natural law in the spiritual world.
Soul
I got hope.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
The law of our life reacts to our spiritual or material concepts and builds and re-builds according to our beliefs and faith.
Soul
My belief that I was unlovable is gone. My belief that I was not good enough is gone. I no longer believe that I need a miracle for love. I believed that it is possible.
I have dissolved my Seven of Hearts and Seven of Clubs and now need to dissolve my Two of Diamonds karma card in Ruling.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
God is always God. No matter what our emotional storm or what our objective situation, may be, there is always something hidden in the inner being that has never been violated. We may stumble, but always there is the Eternal Voice, forever whispering within our ear, that thing which causes eternal quest, that thing that forever sings and sings.
Soul
Yes. I experienced it many times. Even when I was truly down, crying loads; the joy always remain; the songs continues in my mind. Amen.
Father, when I read this back in 2007; I don't have the spiritual aspect as support. Now that I have experienced and connect daily to my Source; coupled with Samyama practices I will handle this Two of Diamonds.
Woke up 7 am to do practices.
Practice my guru pooja, correcting my previous mistakes.
Did one cycle Surya kriya, feet alignment was great.
Breathing was nice.
Shakti was great. I was in total focus. Able to waive off any tots.
Shambavi was good too. In the end just contentment.
Very little tots. And when past tot comes in I told myself stop clinging.
Went for a swim. In the first and half cycle, I can feel the fear. I asked for help.
The third cycle, I told myself just enjoy, no pressure. Need not stop at the end. I swam all the way and in the end I was laugh once more. I m back.
This continue for another 3 cycle. Amen.
The trees are so lovely. So alive. So green.
When I was driving back tot of past comes; this time I said Stop clinging.
Past tots come on average once an hour.
Got this from FB
Letting go gives us freedom
Freedom is the only condition for happiness.
If in our heart, we still cling on to anything - anger, anxiety or possessions; we cannot be free.
Soul
I have done all that I could. I have unravel all that is needed. I have dissolved Seven of Hearts, Seven of Clubs and know about my Two of Diamonds.
Now just need to dissolve Two of Diamonds - letting go.
Been thinking of reading Ernest Holmes - The Science of Minds a few weeks ago. Read this back in Aug 2007, a year before me initiation to Isha.
Now I think best time. I want to be freed of my past. I have given it enough time and space. Nothing else to learn except for the letting go phase - which is going with the flow. Everything is gone except my tots of them. So when I allows tots of the past, I m clinging on to it. Father, guide me through this.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
Man by thinking, can bring into his experience whatsoever he desires - if he thinks correctly, and becomes a living embodiment of his tots. This is not done by holding tots but by knowing the Truth.
The conscious mind is superior to the subjective and may consciously use it. Great as subsconcious is, its tendency is set in motion by the conscious tot, and in this possibility lies the path to freedom.
The karmic law is not kismet. It is not fate but cause and effect. It is taskmaster to the unwise; a servant to the wise. The road to freedom lies, not through mysteries or occult performances, but through the intelligent use of Nature's forces and laws. The law of mind is a natural law in the spiritual world.
Soul
I got hope.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
The law of our life reacts to our spiritual or material concepts and builds and re-builds according to our beliefs and faith.
Soul
My belief that I was unlovable is gone. My belief that I was not good enough is gone. I no longer believe that I need a miracle for love. I believed that it is possible.
I have dissolved my Seven of Hearts and Seven of Clubs and now need to dissolve my Two of Diamonds karma card in Ruling.
The Science of Mind - Ernest Holmes
God is always God. No matter what our emotional storm or what our objective situation, may be, there is always something hidden in the inner being that has never been violated. We may stumble, but always there is the Eternal Voice, forever whispering within our ear, that thing which causes eternal quest, that thing that forever sings and sings.
Soul
Yes. I experienced it many times. Even when I was truly down, crying loads; the joy always remain; the songs continues in my mind. Amen.
Father, when I read this back in 2007; I don't have the spiritual aspect as support. Now that I have experienced and connect daily to my Source; coupled with Samyama practices I will handle this Two of Diamonds.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Accepting that I truly lost...makes me free
Oct 11 eve
Took a late afternoon nap. Had a dream of Z and our friends. Playing games in garden. I just know that in the dream I was angry with him.
Father, a dream. I have come to the final truth. He truly doesn't want me.
Let this sink in. In the end whenever someone truly wants something, we would provide our justification for it.
Went for a walk in the night market. When I stepped out of house, the trees never looked so green, dark green, so luscious and suddenly my mind start to sing love songs. It lasted all the way as long as the trees were there. My high definition eye sight is now constant or perhaps I m now more aware.
Just did my evening Shoonya and Samyama.
Shoonya was ok. Samyama was good. Just lovely sitting there. Did Bhairavi song since Navaratri's period. When the song was on, I found myself crying; I said no more, no more going back.
Feels good after release.
This week Osho resolution card
Awareness
Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of future, u go on living - at the mininimum. Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without smoke. That is what awareness is.
Let yourself settle and remember that deep inside u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.
Soul
Just focus inward.
Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail, out of the cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is yours.
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours.
Soul
Amen.
Took a late afternoon nap. Had a dream of Z and our friends. Playing games in garden. I just know that in the dream I was angry with him.
Father, a dream. I have come to the final truth. He truly doesn't want me.
Let this sink in. In the end whenever someone truly wants something, we would provide our justification for it.
Went for a walk in the night market. When I stepped out of house, the trees never looked so green, dark green, so luscious and suddenly my mind start to sing love songs. It lasted all the way as long as the trees were there. My high definition eye sight is now constant or perhaps I m now more aware.
Just did my evening Shoonya and Samyama.
Shoonya was ok. Samyama was good. Just lovely sitting there. Did Bhairavi song since Navaratri's period. When the song was on, I found myself crying; I said no more, no more going back.
Feels good after release.
This week Osho resolution card
Awareness
Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of future, u go on living - at the mininimum. Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without smoke. That is what awareness is.
Let yourself settle and remember that deep inside u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.
Soul
Just focus inward.
Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail, out of the cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is yours.
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours.
Soul
Amen.
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