Letting go of emotional control...they are not real, only hurt myself

Oct 22 mor
I started this inner journey cos I don't want to feel suffering when others hurt or ignore me or doesn't value me.
A few weeks ago I realised it was because me not setting parameters. But now I know it also about me not communicating the parameters. The non communication is out of fear of loss of validation from others, fear of losing which is my Seven of Hearts outcome. My Seven of Clubs compounded matters with negativity.

Father, going now to the core of my issue in relationships.

My Daily Card
The Eight of Spades
The Eight of Spades is the most powerful card of physical and will power. When this card is present, you will find yourself experiencing more power over your health and work matters. Success is indicated by this card, along with the ability to overcome any obstacles that may appear in your way. Power comes from a focusing of our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest. Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one.

52 days card
Seven of Diamond in Mars
The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.

Soul
So appropriate..me now want to test my own values, test my own voice..be real.
Not to have worry about outcome...
Tested yesterday with brother and sis in law...
This time going into Samyama, I want to end this validation issue once and for all. I want to end my fear..

This week Osho tarot card is so appropriate.
Resolution
Control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, you are not performing. Then why should you be nervous? 

To control that mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into your limbs, into your body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface.
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives we end up totally rigid. The figure is encased in the angles of pyramid shapes that surround him. Light glitters and glints off his shiny surfaces, but does not penetrate. It's as if he is almost mummified inside this structure he's built up around himself. His fists are clenched and his stare is blank, almost blind. The lower part of his body beneath the table is a knife point, a cutting edge that divides and separates. His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive - he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it. 

The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things."

Soul
Finally let go of auto Control..that was sustaining the validation mode.
Also, I think thats the outcome of RA...energy blocked and I self attacked myself...resulting in RA.
So, this validation issue not only is unhealthy to my body, to my heart too...