Self mastery - equanimity in relationships

Oct 18
Did pre-sleep Samyama for about 25 minutes. Body woke up fresh around 3 plus am. I told myself to sleep back and wake up 4.16 am. Body was fine no drowsiness.
This is the fourth time with same power nap effect. Will continue.

Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. Quite good. Breathing was nice. Shakti was focused. When I start Shambavi, mind was singing and head shaking non stop. Preparatory steps was nice. Suka kriya focused on breathing. Did a slow aum chanting. Towards the end contentment. After closing invocation I was laughing and crying. Crying out of thankfulness for the joy I have received. I affirmed my spiritual path.
Had some tots of La, of the old school mates that non negotiable. Some tots of office. All come and went as I didn't focus on them.

On the way to work, just look at the trees and grass at road side, seeing their beauty and feeling their care for me.

Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
The work of the intellect is to attach tots, to label everything, to give words, name and form to everything.
Equanimity means there is no reaction at all within u, whether one abuses u or one respects u - a total absence of reaction within. Simply nothing stirs u. The abuse remain outside and the respect remain outside; nothing at all enters within.
When will this happens? This will happens only when there is a witness inside.

Soul
Far off.
Samyama was said to give equanimity but I m still far off. At this point I can only relax myself and give power nap.

Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
When someone abuses us there is a reaction. On hearing abuse we immediately feel that 'I have been abused', and the suffering begins.
When somebody respects us we feel happy because it feels that 'I am respected'. It means that whatsoever is done to you, u become identified with it. It is because of this that suffering and pleasure are created, disharmony is created and balance is lost.

Soul
My dream of Self mastery is mainly on equanimity especially in relationships.

Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
A moral person also tries to attain equanimity but such equanimity is imposed, cultivated. The person consoles himself with, 'What if somebody has abused me? There is no harm.' And if somebody respects him, he thinks, 'Okay, that is his desire. I shall remain in equanimity between the two. This sort of equanimity remains on the surface, he can be provoked.

Soul
Still far off.


Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
In the eyes of the Upanishads, character-oriented equanimity has no value. In the eyes of Upanishads, only equanimity derived from the being has value. Being-oriented equanimity means that whatsoever may happens outside, u remain the witness.

Soul
That's my dream.
Father, you just given me the answer I sought when I want to resolve my hidden insecurity. Both security and insecurity is the same as both is outside driven. My security was false as it is dependence on outside force.
Now I know why the hiccup at Sathsang, the abuse from La and the snub from ex school mates. All happen to let me 'suffer', see and come to this point.
And this will further give me impetus on the Samyama Refresher.