Keeping to my values

Oct 8
I m willing to lose the role of Sathsang guide in order to be a normal meditator. Truly I m not the right one. After IE In May, I tried to quit but GP comes in. In between there was the dance event.
While I aim at deepening my inner experience, I don't have it to lead them. Sr is here and also need place to assert his role. So let him be the main guide and I be the back up. With C I wanted to but couldn't. With Sr I can.

Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. It was good. Breathing was lovely. Shakti was ok cos had a toilet break. Shambavi was good. Towards the end head thrown back and exchange of air from the guts. I sang out loud later.
Throughout there were some tots of office but mostly on tots to get out of Isha leadership. In order to do that, release my post as Sathsang guide. That's the key. As long as I m there I will be designated head. And I can't release myself because of validation.

Father, it's just my issue of Two of Diamonds. I m glad I was back. Now things are ok but I don't feel fulfilled after every program eventhough they went well. Tested for 3 programs. At the end, I m just relieved its over.
At first I wanted to ask Pa and L. But a tot came, stop asking for other people values.
My values are just my practices and keeping my inner partner.

Saw this in Facebook
Perfection doesn't live here anymore. Joy does

Soul
Tot of me. What a timely message.

Now I know why Seven of Diamonds in Mars from Oct 15. Sr is only back on Oct 22, so can only execute it later. And I know that my validation issue would 'attack' me later. But I know the letting go of Isha leadership will help me.
Now I understand why Nine of Spades as results and Nine of Diamonds as environment.

Been the guide for nearly 3 years. Glad that I drop it now when there is nothing wrong, no resistance. Just that it doesn't fulfill me, doesn't make me happy. I m truly not a volunteer. I m just a seeker.
The team is growing, maturing,  need a new leader...not a reluctant one.
 When I did the values, no mention of role in Isha; just my yoga practices and my inner partner.